Wedding RSVP ?

jware1985

So I got a 4 RSVP's today and all are good but one...

We sent an invite to a friend of CJ's and said friends girlfriend.  The GF has a daughter who i *think* is 13 or 14. any who the invite was addres to mr john doe and miss jane smith... no and guest hence daughter was not invited but the rsvp came back as 3 accepts with pleasure...

so my question, can we do anything to communicate to them that the invite was just to the two of them or do we need to just add her...

Also, we have never really hung out with them when the daughter is there, the mom never really talks about the daughter so we truly don't know what her name is and they didn't put it on the rsvp...

xmmumstadx

I think that is a little rude of them.  If anything they should have called and asked if you were ok if they brought her.  They just send the card back with 3 in attendance......so they just expect you to be ok with it. 

Maybe you could just tell them that since the wedding is only one month away everything is already set up for a specific number of people so you are not able to accomodate additional guests.  It might sound like BS but what are they going to do accuse you of lying?

Are any other teenagers or kids going (other than the flower girls or ring bearers)?  If not you could say that no one under 18 is allowed.

jware1985

there are other kids invited but they are all from ages 11 to just under a year old and are all family.

 I have had a few people do this, my dad's aunt called and asked if it was ok since we has talked about it before the guest list was created we had already accounted for their friend. My grandma is bringing my aunt, which is a whole other story that i don't really want to get into... But we accomidated for my grandma tro avoid any further drama or upset. so now we are cutting it super close to the cap we have for our venue, it only fits 80 and i still have 5 rsvp's that need to be returned...

jayefay

Ugg!  This was one of my biggest fears since we didn't invite any children except for our ring bearer.  It never was a problem though, so I never dealt with it  

I think it's rude of them.  

But here's a thought...

If everybody that is left to RSVP, ends up saying YES to going, would you be able to accommodate the extra person?  If you can, then I would probably let it slide and not say anything. 

On the other standpoint, if it would be pushing you budget wise, and you think it would frustrate other guests who weren't able to bring children, I would have CJ make a phone call.  Just have him explain that due to budgetary constraints, you can't accommodate the third guest, and were only planning on 2 seats for them.  

Just be aware that if they get upset, they may end up backing out completely...Would you be okay with that?  

I'm sorry you are dealing with this Jenn!   

imshell

I'm with the J-meister, I don't think peeps are intentionally trying to make you spend money or be rude, I totally don't think they think about it.  We had some non-guests show up and the were dressed, um interestingly, but it was all good as the whole night ended up being a blur.  Which brings me to my real point, can I crash your wedding? :P

xxSOMMERxx

imshell:

I'm with the J-meister, I don't think peeps are intentionally trying to make you spend money or be rude, I totally don't think they think about it.  We had some non-guests show up and the were dressed, um interestingly, but it was all good as the whole night ended up being a blur.  Which brings me to my real point, can I crash your wedding? :P

 

OOOOHHHHHH ME TOO!  I won't eat or drink anything!  lol

 

 

b15chik

nestie wedding crash!

jayefay

I've officially invited myself!

Jenn, please send over an RSVP so I can fill it out, mmmkay?

 

jware1985

LOL you girls are cracking em up over here... The dead line for RSVP is this saturday so i guess i will see what else we get and go fro there with the additional guest situation...

CJ and I talked and we think if we are cutting it to close we might ask they not bring her since we were planning on 2... if they decide to come then we will have to understand.  Thanks for the advice ladies and the laughs

KatieE_ToBe

This happened to us too, except the couple rsvp'd for their grown 22 and 25 year old kids and the daughters toddler! I also had a friend rsvp with a plus one when I wasn't aware she was dating anyone. It really just depends on the situation, I would(and did with the friend) just bring the topic up and hint that you're trying to keep your numbers down but wanted to clarify their rsvp. Since they didn't specify her name this is completely normal to do.

 Hopefully they'll take the hint or act completely oblivious in which case you can say you were only intending it to be the two of them. If they press that the daughter should come then I would just let it go before it becomes a big deal.

You never know how people are going to act with a wedding, that friend actually was just going to bring a girl I've met once because the girl said it would be "fun". I told her very nicely that we were keeping the numbers down and she said she completely understood. And then never showed up. Oh well.

sms274

I stuck with the, only family children are guests at our wedding. I agree with pp, just say you did not accommodate for any additional guests and are only invited children of relatives. I used the excuse that the majority of my friends have kids and that would likely double my guest count if we invited them all, and always said, I hope you understand haha most did, some were apparently offended, but never said anything to me so it must not have been THAT big of a deal to them, but then again, I went above and beyond on my rsvps with slots to write in only the number of names that I intended on inviting, leaving me with 6 different RSVP cards templates, but it was worth it to me.

HawaiiLover

sms274:

I stuck with the, only family children are guests at our wedding. I agree with pp, just say you did not accommodate for any additional guests and are only invited children of relatives. I used the excuse that the majority of my friends have kids and that would likely double my guest count if we invited them all, and always said, I hope you understand haha most did, some were apparently offended, but never said anything to me so it must not have been THAT big of a deal to them, but then again, I went above and beyond on my rsvps with slots to write in only the number of names that I intended on inviting, leaving me with 6 different RSVP cards templates, but it was worth it to me.

Smart idea!!

My husband's aunt and uncle wanted to bring his cousins (they were 8 and 4 and big PITA's) so we wanted to totally avoid the situation.  We make it very clear that it was an adult wedding.  They decided to bring them to the church anyway, which was fun kids playing in the back of the church and getting in the way of pictures.  I don't understand why people it's ok to bring their children when they aren't invited.  If you wanted them there, you would have sent an invite with their name.

Good luck with everything, I hope it all works out.  People just don't realize that one more person costs you money, often times a lot of money and weddings are expensive enough