NER: Making a Choice with Negative Consequence

2Vermont

Hi All,

Me again.   I know I've asked for advice before about leaving my current job.  However, in making this decision I am finding that regardless of the different choices I have (the when, the how, etc), it appears that each one has the potential for at least one negative consequence.  I'm finding I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't...and I'm stuck. 

Has anyone been in this position before...what did you do?  It doesn't have to be regarding a job change..it could be some other decision with different choices and negative consequences.   Regardless of the subject, how did you make the final decision?

Thanks....

 

bunnybean

I have no advice, but ((((hugs)))). ?I hope it all works out.

talltalltrees

I think this is true of any decision, really. Because all of your decisions also have potentially positive consequences too, right??

All you can really do is weigh 1. how likely those negative consequences are to happen 2. how likely the negatives will outweigh the positives and 3. what does your gut tell you? What are you most likely to regret doing -- or not doing?

?This sounds kind of dumb and obvious, but at some point you just have to do it. Just make A choice. You can't live in limbo forever, and a lot of times, the agony of trying to decide is worse than the consequences of your choice.?

I kind of went through this when trying to decide whether or not to quit my stable marketing job to become a flight attendant. I agonized over it forever, and finally I just said "you know what? I'm just going to DO it and live with my decision whatever the consequences may be."

That decision had a lot of consequences, both positive and negative, and basically put my entire life in total upheaval. A lot of the consequences were COMPLETELY unforeseeable too - things that turned out totally different from the way I had anticipated (for example, meeting my husband).?

While in a lot of ways, that decision was kind of dumb, it also turned out to be the right one, one that I do not regret, and I believe it was the one I was supposed to make, whether it was fate or God's will or what. ?

Good luck. ?

marriednow06

Well not all negative consequences are created equal.  So usually if I have to make a decision I try to figure out what negatives I can actually live with.  In regards to leaving your job, can you still make it financially without it?  While the negative may be that things are tight for awhile, it may be a downside one could live with.  If you stay at your job, what is the health and emotional toll that it takes on you?  Are you constantly feeling ill?  Is your unahappiness with your job causing you to not enjoy life or impact your marriage?  If so, then those are things that are worth sacrificing in order to maintain a certain lifestyle?  What is the point of your current lifestyle if you are unhappy anyway? 

Also, if you stay will it really get better?  If not, then yes you have to do something about it.  It will require you to take a risk, and the first job you get may not be exactly what you want either.  But it will get easier to go out there and find what really works for you after you take that first big leap.

The first job I left, I did it because I wanted to leave NC and move to DC.  I could have transferred with my company but I was working almost 70+ hours a week and I just didn't want to do that anymore.  So I took a new job and moved.  The new job I took, I hated.  Even after asking about the hours, I still ended up working far more than I wanted to.  I also developed some health problems and stress really exacerbated my condition.  I tried to work with the job to reduce my hours to about 50+ but they weren't really understanding.  So I left.  I then found my current job.  It has everything I could want in terms of work/life balance, however I am definitely not as challenged as I was at my previous jobs.  I have been here now for almost 7 years. I don't plan on going anywhere.  The pros clearly outweigh the cons.  I took a risk, and the first time it did fail, but I kept looking for something that could meet at least most of my needs.   

What is it they say about insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...

Good luck with whatever you choose.  I know you have been struggling with this for awhile. 

LittleMissWifey

Hmm. If choices in life were 100 percent free of possible negatives, they really wouldn't be choices, but simply givens.

Like TTT said, not all negatives are created equal. You need to balance the positives and negatives to see which choice wins out in the positive department. Make a pro/con list and really see where the (+)s and the (-)s fall. I had to make a big life decision a few years ago where there was no easy road but the act of writing out the pros and cons of each choice and then actually visualizing these qualities on paper really helped solidify my choice.

Good luck!

2Vermont

bunnybean:

I have no advice, but ((((hugs)))).  I hope it all works out.

 

Thanks bunny.  I have made a number of big decisions in my life, but this one has been the hardest (probably because now that I am married, my decision isn't just about me anymore amd also because of the nature of my job).

2Vermont

Thanks also to TTT, marriednow and LMW.  I will definitely give you a better response than that.....I just need more time to think about what you have written.

pvillewife06

That's what happens with taking risks, there's always a negative consequence as a possibility.  It just depends how good the risk is and how bad the possible consequence could be.  In other words... is it worth it? 

I'm a visual person so charting pros and cons helped me to figure out to take the chance and go back into teaching instead of going to school to go into a different career.  It's only been a few weeks, but it's already a lot better than my last job.  That was a risk to go back into teaching because I'd be stuck her the whole year if I didn't like it but going back to school would also be a risk because it was a full time program and it was not certain that I would like that career either. 

GL with whatever you decide! 

2Vermont

pvillewife06:

That's what happens with taking risks, there's always a negative consequence as a possibility.  It just depends how good the risk is and how bad the possible consequence could be.  In other words... is it worth it? 

I'm a visual person so charting pros and cons helped me to figure out to take the chance and go back into teaching instead of going to school to go into a different career.  It's only been a few weeks, but it's already a lot better than my last job.  That was a risk to go back into teaching because I'd be stuck her the whole year if I didn't like it but going back to school would also be a risk because it was a full time program and it was not certain that I would like that career either. 

GL with whatever you decide! 

My job is teaching and this is one of my big concerns.  If I leave, I'll be technically breaking my contract.  Of course, this is a contract I signed last April with no idea what this year would be like.  When I signed it I was still hopeful that my second year in the job would be better.  When I signed it I was still hopeful I might get pregnant over the summer.  When I signed it, I didn't know that I would have 5 1:1 students and therefore 5 Instructional Assistants to supervise on top of all my other responsibilities.  When I signed it, I signed it just before the last two months of the year which were the worst.  And of course, when I signed it I had no other job lined up, so what the hell was I supposed to do? This whole thing makes me so mad.  The fact that I'm even considering breaking my contract just shows how much I want out.

I spoke to the union rep over the summer about this and my district really can't/won't do anything to me legally.  However, he did advise me that there is a chance that I could really piss someone off....and that it could lead to a bad reference (which I have never had in my life).  Since I am really unsure right now what I want to do with respect to a job, I was also hoping to leave before getting another job so I could sort things out.  However, this leaves things wide open for future employers to call my current employer.  If I search while I'm still here, they won't call them.  I'm worried that I'll jump from the frying pan into the fire.

  

2Vermont

talltalltrees:

I think this is true of any decision, really. Because all of your decisions also have potentially positive consequences too, right? 

All you can really do is weigh 1. how likely those negative consequences are to happen 2. how likely the negatives will outweigh the positives and 3. what does your gut tell you? What are you most likely to regret doing -- or not doing?

This sounds kind of dumb and obvious, but at some point you just have to do it. Just make A choice. You can't live in limbo forever, and a lot of times, the agony of trying to decide is worse than the consequences of your choice. 

I kind of went through this when trying to decide whether or not to quit my stable marketing job to become a flight attendant. I agonized over it forever, and finally I just said "you know what? I'm just going to DO it and live with my decision whatever the consequences may be."

That decision had a lot of consequences, both positive and negative, and basically put my entire life in total upheaval. A lot of the consequences were COMPLETELY unforeseeable too - things that turned out totally different from the way I had anticipated (for example, meeting my husband). 

While in a lot of ways, that decision was kind of dumb, it also turned out to be the right one, one that I do not regret, and I believe it was the one I was supposed to make, whether it was fate or God's will or what.  

Good luck.  

Thanks again TTT.  I highlighted the comments that really resonated with me (but I was with you on all of it).  Although this is one of the hardest decisions I've had to make, I have never regretted any major decision in my life.  It may take awhile for me to decide, but I never look back. 

Just so you know, I actually applied for a position today....so perhaps I'm already leaning towards a decision.

 

2Vermont

marriednow06:

Well not all negative consequences are created equal.  So usually if I have to make a decision I try to figure out what negatives I can actually live with.  In regards to leaving your job, can you still make it financially without it?  While the negative may be that things are tight for awhile, it may be a downside one could live with.  If you stay at your job, what is the health and emotional toll that it takes on you?  Are you constantly feeling ill?  Is your unahappiness with your job causing you to not enjoy life or impact your marriage?  If so, then those are things that are worth sacrificing in order to maintain a certain lifestyle?  What is the point of your current lifestyle if you are unhappy anyway? 

Also, if you stay will it really get better?  If not, then yes you have to do something about it.  It will require you to take a risk, and the first job you get may not be exactly what you want either.  But it will get easier to go out there and find what really works for you after you take that first big leap.

The first job I left, I did it because I wanted to leave NC and move to DC.  I could have transferred with my company but I was working almost 70+ hours a week and I just didn't want to do that anymore.  So I took a new job and moved.  The new job I took, I hated.  Even after asking about the hours, I still ended up working far more than I wanted to.  I also developed some health problems and stress really exacerbated my condition.  I tried to work with the job to reduce my hours to about 50+ but they weren't really understanding.  So I left.  I then found my current job.  It has everything I could want in terms of work/life balance, however I am definitely not as challenged as I was at my previous jobs.  I have been here now for almost 7 years. I don't plan on going anywhere.  The pros clearly outweigh the cons.  I took a risk, and the first time it did fail, but I kept looking for something that could meet at least most of my needs.   

What is it they say about insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...

Good luck with whatever you choose.  I know you have been struggling with this for awhile. 

No, it will not get better.  In fact, I expect it to get worse as the year goes on.  I needed to hear what you wrote about the next job not being the right one either...that it would be a stepping stone.  I am afraid to jump to a situation I won't like either...just to get out.  

 

2Vermont

LittleMissWifey:

Hmm. If choices in life were 100 percent free of possible negatives, they really wouldn't be choices, but simply givens.

Like TTT said, not all negatives are created equal. You need to balance the positives and negatives to see which choice wins out in the positive department. Make a pro/con list and really see where the (+)s and the (-)s fall. I had to make a big life decision a few years ago where there was no easy road but the act of writing out the pros and cons of each choice and then actually visualizing these qualities on paper really helped solidify my choice.

Good luck!

 

I should have known to do this.  My mother has always recommended doing this!  I will definitely do this LMW..thanks!