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Vendor related WWYD?
Okay, so this is really bugging me I have to ask for advice. We hired a relatively new JOP for our ceremony. She is super sweet and we loved her, but she's pretty inexperienced. I ended up writing our ceremony (with about 10% help from DH, but I did 90% of the work on it). It came out really well and I was very proud of it. The week before the wedding, i was busy so I sent it to DH to proof and then told him to send it to the JOP. Well, he did, and somehow she took it to be that DH wrote it. So at our ceremony, she prefaced the ceremony by saying DH wrote it (how beautiful it was and how impressed she was that he wrote it). This really bothered me at the time, but I've been trying to let it go and say it is not a big deal.
However, it is really bothering me. I had a dream about it last night and woke up really upset. I wasn't planning on saying anything to the JOP because I don't want her to feel bad and there is nothing that she can do about it now. But I sort of feel like she should have checked that with us before saying it in front of our family/friends. I know I'm being petty about wanting credit for it, but I worked so hard on it that it really bothers me that everyone thinks DH did it.
So the questions is: should I say something to the JOP so that she doesn't make the mistake again in the future to another couple? Or is it not worth it? I'm not sure that telling her will make me feel better.
Any other advice on how to let this go? I'm trying hard to not care about it, but I'm dreading watching our video to hear her say it again. DH is editing the video and I might ask him to cut it out, although that would also cut out the introduction to the ceremony which might be weird. Sigh.
Re: Vendor related WWYD?
That's a tough one.
I would just try not to worry about it. You said that DH did help write it. You both know that you wrote it together and I think that is the important part. It was YOUR ceremony and it was meaningful to you. I bet your guests don't even remember that she said it.
I would only tell the JOP about it if you really think it would make you feel better. If you do decide to talk to her, just try not to be passive aggressive. Just tell her the truth that it bothered you at the time it happened, and that you were still thrilled that she did your ceremony.
Sorry, I probably wasn't much help.
Another good reason why I did not want to have a video... I have nothing other than my own memory to bug me
I have a very similar situation, but with a Catholic priest who said something in his homilly that I was super not happy about. He basically made fun of something that I said during the rehearsal, and made me look like I was trying to teach him about religion. I am still bothered by it, but don't want to talk to him in person because he always gives that berating look when you tell him something he doesn't want to hear. I may write him a letter.
If it helps you, I would definitely tell her to warn her for future couples. You never know what a real bridezilla would do in your situation.
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I know it's upsetting right now. But I think eventually you might think about it and laugh -- I know that's what I would do if someone gave DH credit for planning sooooo much for our wedding!
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Agree. Personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, you are MARRIED to the love of your life and you both know what really happen. It doesn't matter what other people think.
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Wow, I can't believe that!!!! Ummmm the homily is NOT the time to "roast" the bride and/or groom!!!
~For Sale!~
This is how I do...
If you feel like you have to get your thoughts out on this, write a letter, type an email, and then throw it out/select all-delete. You won't be doing anyone any favors if you drag this out, and it's over something that in the long run is so inconsequential, especially since the two people that know what happened are the two that matter most in opinion- you and your DH.
And, think of the "it could be worse" cases... a dear friend of mine is related to the priest that officiated her and her husband's ceremony. He called her husband "Justin" about 10 times during the Catholic ceremony. His name is actually Jason. I was sitting probably 15-20 pews back from the front of the church and I could hear my poor friend trying to correct him under her breath. Once he got the message he didn't even apologize. The important thing is she let it go, because the end result was still the same. We still joke about it to this day.
At my Grandfathers funeral the Reverand said something along the lines of "Burt liked to play the lottery, sometimes sharing winnings with his family". That statement was really really wrong and I felt it painted my Grandpa in a bad light. He bought two $5 lotto tickets a week, one for my Father and one for my Sister and I. Whatever the tickets won he gave it all to us. He kept all the numbers written down for years to play maths games with. He didn't care about the lottery at all.
Long story short, I wanted to stand up and correct him at the time but didn't. 4 years later it is still bothering me. But the time to repair the damage was there and then. Telling your Celebrant now will only make her feel bad, but probably won't change how you feel. I'm Sorry!!!!! **hugs**
^This....you need to relax & get over it. If this is the ONLY thing that went wrong on your wedding day, count yourself lucky. I was called the wrong name 2x & was over it in 30 seconds. Actually other people were more bothered by it then I was. What should be in your mind is that you are married not who got credit for the vows. Also, how was she to know who wrote it unless you husband told her? How were you to know she was even going to mention who wrote it? I just don't see why you are mad at her, yes she assumed something, but it's pretty inconsequential.
Usually, in situations like this, where there are "Should I or Shouldn't I Say Something" questions, I'd tell you to say something to the offender. But you two got married almost a month ago. The time to say something would have been during the reception, after the reception, after you got back the honeymoon, etc. One of those. Not a month later. If you said something now, would the JOP actually remember saying it?
If someone who attended the wedding had told your DH that they really enjoyed the ceremony, I hope he would right the JOP's wrong and tell them that the JOP was mistaken, that his wife actually wrote the ceremony.
And trust me, if this situation ever occurs again with that JOP, some bride will eventually say, during the ceremony, "No, sorry, I'm the one that wrote it." And that will be the last time that JOP makes that assumption.
I wrote parts of our ceremony and I'm proud of it too, but I also wouldn't be putting this much effort into being upset that the wrong person got credited for it. The only adive that I can give is that time will make the hurt feelings go away. The only person who is still thinking about it is you and you're making yourself even more depressed by not letting it go. In the end, you have to ask yourself whether the screw-up really amounts to anything. Did it alter your wedding or your lives? If not, then it's not worth stressing over.
Do the creep.
I honestly wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. It's totally understandable why you would be a little upset; after all, you worked your tail off to create something that you and DH could be proud to have read at your wedding. However, it's over and done with, and it can't be changed now. I wouldn't let it cause you too much stress because you simply cannot change what happened. If it makes you feel better about the situation, you could take to the JOP, but I don't know if its really something that needs to be brought up now that its all said and done.
Hmmm. I know I'm the minority here, but I always think that it's never too late to try and at least attempt to address an issue. If I feel that addressing a troubling matter will do good, even if time has passed, I will bring it up.
However, I usually reserve this line of thinking for friends/family, and not business dealings, and I think in this instance, it wouldn't necessarily make a difference to tell this JOP about his error at this time. :-(
What may make a difference, and also give you some satisfaction, is if you are writing a review of your vendors, you can include this error in your review of the JOP. I am not suggesting you bash him, but maybe you could touch on the issue somehow.
It does, after all, fall under a thorough review of his work for you, in all fairness.
Otherwise, just be glad he gave credit to somebody other then himself for the work you did. If he had to credit someone other then you, at least it was your DH!!