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TTC questions ...
For those of you are moms or are PG, did you tell people when you started TTC?
This isn't related to Andy & I, it's related to SIL & her new husband. They got married last weekend, and openly told everyone at the wedding that she had been off the pill for 2 months and they were already TTC because they're older and want kids very soon. I thought it was a little weird to announce that to everyone. Now they're going to get a ton of questions all the time and if they don't get PG right away, it will get annoying to keep telling people that there's no baby on the way yet.
Also, when you were actively TTC, did you stop drinking alcohol and/or smoking? Should I be concerned that SIL is still drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney even though she's actively TTC? That doesn't seem so smart to me, but perhaps I'm overreacting? It scares me that she could possibly be PG now and she was drunk almost the entire wedding weekend, and she does not plan to abstain on their honeymoon either. I'm sure that sometimes people drink early on in the pregnancy when they get PG unexpectedly, but it seems that maybe that behavior is a risk you wouldn't choose to take if you're purposely TTC. I guess it's not my business and I know she wouldn't handle it well if I asked why she was still drinking & smoking even though she might be PG. I'm just concerned for my future niece/nephew.
Mr. Sammy Dog
Re: TTC questions ...
As politely as possible... It's not your business!
Which you wrote in the post anyway. Might you still worry? Yeah... but there isn't anything you can do about it. You can only control your own behaviors, so there is no sense in trying to have a say in the behaviors of others.
I heard once that for people who smoke, if they get PG and then quit smoking immediately, the stress on their body might be just as bad or worse than smoking, so I guess if she is TTC, her doctor would have good advice on that.
Drinking - well, I know many people who have drank right up until they found out they were PG, and their children were born with zero complications. I know other people who were TTC and struggled, and cut out fish, caffeine, alcohol, added pre-natal vitamins, all before they were even PG. So... it goes each way.
Everyone decides for themselves how risky their behavior may/may not be, and they adjust (or don't adjust) accordingly. Her choices may not be the same as your choices, but... they aren't your decisions to make.
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I've never smoked, so that wasn't an issue for me.
I drink til it's pink.
I did not tell people we were trying, because I didn't want the questions.
Heck no, I didn't tell a soul that we were trying...I am an insanely private person with regards to that stuff, we didn't talk about TTC and we didn't tell that we were PG until I was 12+ weeks along.
SIL on the other hand mentioned it to MIL that they were going to try right after DH and I got married (so that she wasn't pregnant in my wedding)...then she got laid off and they held off, but then told us they were trying again. It certainly took the pressure off of me because the focus was on her, and we definately got the back handed comments like "they must be having difficulties, she should be pregnant by now" from the IL's...then WHAM! I got pregnant and it came out of left field because no one knew we were even trying!
Anita: Good share re: the smoking and resulting stress, something I have never even thought twice about!
I did share that we would begin TTC a few months in advance with our first precisely because I was sick of the questions. In our situation no one actually wanted to know that we were TTC (our sex life), ie my Dad, so by wholesale telling people who asked annoying questions they completely dried up.
With our 2nd we did not tell anyone we were TTC. With our loss, I think it's now somewhat understood that we will either be TTC shortly or will be taking our time. As the post yesterday revealed, no one has really been jumping in and asking too many prying questions . . .
BFP#1 - 8/26/2008 | Isaac Levi @39w 4/26/09 :: BFP#2 - 6/22/2010 | natural MC @9w 7/28/10 :: BFP#3 - 10/25/2010 | Ezra John @39w 6/26/11 :: BFP#4 - 8/7/2012 | EDD 4/17/13
We did not tell anyone when we were TTC. I, personally, think it's a private matter. Plus I think it would have added more pressure on us, and who needs that?
I mostly stopped drinking while we were TTC, except for at a birthday and abachelorette party the month or 2 before we got a bfp. Technically, once you conceive, the baby isn't being nourished by the placenta/mother in the first 4 weeks or so. I am pretty sure if you talked to a doctor, they would recommend that you not drink or smoke while TTC. Heavy alcohol drinking(by the mother or father) can impair fertility, so that is a reason alone not to do it. Anita is right, though, it is whatever each couple is comfortable with.
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This is big on the bump boards.
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yeah. I mean, we don't drink a lot anyways. it's hard to find time to go clubbing when you've got a 2 year old
but I definitely don't give up my occasional wine/beer until I know I'm KTFU.
I definitely would have cut back on drinking if I was a big drinker though.
What does that mean?
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Ohhhh. Gotcha. :-) I've never p.o.a.s. so I didn't know they were pink :-)
My brain was thinking of pink alcoholic drinks, haha. :-)
i've never been actually trying to get PG but i definitely wouldn't tell anyone.
i've never smoked so that doesn't apply but i wouldn't stop drinking until i had a positive test. i'm pretty sure that, at 22, i was wasted a few times when i was first PG with parker. not saying it's okay but i'm just not that worried about it. then again, i also ate lunch meat and fish the whole time i was PG too. i'm such a rebel.
So apparently it's common to "drink 'til it's pink"? I didn't know that ... the couple of close friends who have told me they were TTC had all stopped drinking while TTC, so I guess my info on the subject was limited and skewed.
I still think it was gutsy to announce to everyone at the wedding that they're TTC. We're not even TTC and I'm already annoyed with all the people asking us when we're starting a family. I can imagine that the questions would be unbearable if you've already announced that you're trying.
Mr. Sammy Dog
How did they announce it? To the whole group on a microphone? Or to a smaller group of people? Either way I think it is odd.
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I think you're well informed
. I ate lunch meat, fish, drank caffeine, exercised (god forbid), and ate Sushi all the way through my pregnancy...I had a baby at 37weeks who was 8lbs 13oz so apparently I didn't stunt his growth or anything...
I didn't smoke never have, never will...but I will cop to having an adult beverage during pregnancy around the holiday's and such.
I did all those things as well.
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To the whole group on a microphone. The best man & maid of honor gave their toasts before the dinner was served. Following the toasts, the bride & groom said a thank you to all of their guests, during which the bride said "we've already been working on making babies, so we hope to have more to celebrate with you soon!"
The bride had already downed multiple glasses of champagne and about 3 tequila shots between the ceremony and the pre-dinner toasts, so I'm wondering if it's not something she would have said sober.
The details about being off BC pills for 2 months were not mentioned to the entire group, that was mentioned at brunch the next day.
Mr. Sammy Dog
That whole thing makes me embarrassed for her
No, we did not tell anyone. I'm glad I didn't, it took us almost a year to concieve and the questions would have got to me.
I am not a big drinker, but I did get pretty drunk 2 days before my positive test. I wasn't worried, I'm pretty sure you don't share a blood supply with the baby at that point.
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Being that it took us over 2 years to get PG and we have MFI it was common knowledge with our family/friends that we were trying, however, I can't say I was overly impressed with how a lot of people in that circle handled it - but that's a whole different story.
As for drinking/smoking. I don't smoke so it didn't affect me, however, I followed the "drink until it's pink" school of thought. I think it's silly to put your life on hold when TTC, because, there is no guarantee it's going to happen quickly.
If and when Big D and I start having the secks for reals.....
I will not be indulging in any adult libations. I'd like to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and I believe that begins before pregnancy - hey, if my body's going to be the temple, might as well get it ready. I clean the house before company comes.
Here's the big thing - there's a lot of critical development happening very early, and it can be before many women even know they're pregnant. I'd like to be prepared, because the heart, lungs, nervous system, etc starts forming very early - hence the recommendation to make sure you have a lot of folic acid in your diet if you're even trying to get pregnant.
That's kind of weird though - to announce to a room full of people "HEY! We're going to be having TONS of SEX!"
Two close g/f's knew we were TTC. I finally talked with my Mom after a year to get more of her history. I knew she had m/c's and had issues getting pregnant. I begged her not to ask me any questions and I would come to her again if I had more or wanted to talk. Two months later we finally got our BFP.
As for drinking, I haven't been a huge drinker for many years. If we were out and about, I would maybe have a max of 3 drinks. I've had a few sips of DH's beer here and there throughout the pregnancy. I've also had lunch meat and tuna on a regular basis. I drink a Mountain Dew Live Wire every day. I think it really comes down to moderation. I've never smoked but second hand smoke makes me extremely sick right now.
I know it is hard not to be concerned but everyone is different as to what they feel comfortable with sharing/doing.
We left it at we would like kids someday. They did not need to know it was sexitime every night. "Hi Grandma! Yeah, I'm going to go try to KU your sweet little granddaughter tonight. How are you doing?" No thanks.
As far as drinking, I've heard it can make it more difficult but if they are approaching it with an "it happens when it happens" attitude, then I would stay out of it. She and her dr. will discuss any lifestyle changes she needs to make when the time comes.