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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I need your help
I am going to try and make this as short as possible. I have a good friend who i've known since jr high. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. Well I feel like we've been losing touch lately. So, last Friday was her birthday and I made plans to go out with her. Well short and sweet, DH and I got over there after 10 pm that night. As soon as we walked in I realized they were smoking pot. Personally, what she does is her business. I don't like to be around it, but it was her house. I feel like she should have told me thats what they were doing. I mean I was under the impression that when we got there we were going to the bar. I feel like I should have known. At one time I know that she had to quit because she had to take a drug test for a job. I just didnt know that she had started back up. I'm just confused. I love her to death but I feel like our lives are headed in different directions. I can't keeo up with her, in more ways than one. Then again though, I don't have many friends so I really dont want to lose her. ( A year ago I lost a friend that I loved dearly, although we hadnt talked recently due to a falling apart over drugs, to a cocaine overdose) Iwas thinking about having lunch with her tomorrow and just letting her know that while I love her to death, I think it's best that we hang out in " neutral" areas. Does that make sense to ya'll. I have battled with this all weekend. I fell bad for DH that he was put in a situatiopn like that. I could continue to ramble on about this but I think this is the jist of it. Any help ladies??????
Re: I need your help
If I were you, I would explain to her how you felt about what happened. Since you guys are such good friends, I think she would take into consideration your feelings. Granted, it's her house that you guys were at, she still should've told you about the "pre" party. Just tell her you were uncomfortable being around it and that next time some occasion comes up to call you after they've had the "party" and you can meet up with them out on the town. That way you won't be in an awkward situation, yet you still get to see your friend.
I hate that you're having to battle this but for me, drugs is one thing I can't tolerate physically and emotionally. My cousin has battled it WAY too many times and while he's now on the road to success at age 40 he has had way too many ups and downs to count.
I would say to your friend that you would like to maintain the friendship but, as you said, in neutral areas. On the same line I would express to her that while its her business what she does, that you care for her and hope that she can get "clean" and away from drugs. That you are there to support her should she need it.
That's the best I know what to do as its unfair to put you and DH in that situation that you don't feel comfortable with.
GL and hope it all goes well.
It's more than just her drug use. She knows my DH's views on it, so I was upset that she didnt really warn me that thats what they were doing. I guess i've just kinda reached a breaking point. I mean she goes out and parties all night and then when we go to lunch all she talks about is how she needs to quit partying. I like to party but I have a limit on it. I guess I just feel like our lives are headed in two different directions. But, I will say one other thing. Due to losing a friend to drugs in the past, I almost feel obligated to at least try and help her. If I dont then it will always hang on my shoulders. Being a mature person sucks sometimes.
I know. When I was younger, I didnt care if what people were doing was illegal. But now, it's different. I don't want to be around it.
This may sound passive agressive, but I would just stop going over to her house and/or riding in her car. I wouldn't even bring up the subject of the drugs, because it's her decision to do it or not. I'd let my actions speak for themselves (not going to her house anymore, etc) rather than having a confrontation to explain the situation (even if it's a totally nice one). I hope that made sense. That's just what I would do.
Then you know what to do. You need to talk to her and be the mature one here since obviously (sorry) she can't be. She needs the heartfelt, bitter truth stated. Talk about your other friend and how you don't want to see this happen to her. That you are there for her but she needs to make life changes as your life is different now and you want to see her do well.
I know you will do well and can be a friend she needs - if she's willing and will let you in. She has to make a move and make some effort to.
I agree w/Jemahi as well - its illegal and jeapordizes your safety and health as well.
If you feel this is the breaking point for you, then I think what Bethany suggested sounds like a good idea. If you begin to distance yourself from her, that might get her attention. If you guys are moving in different directions,as a lot of friendships do, then actions might speak louder than words.
I guarantee that she's going to defend her actions, anything you say to her about stopping partying or smoking pot are only go to get her on the defensive end and make her feel like your belittling her. I've gone through this with friends before and sometimes you gotta step back and let them see the big picture. I might be against the grain here, yet I'm not one to think that pot leads to a massive intervention, so I think once you step back and distance yourself from her, she'll get the idea.
Also, as PP's have stated, don't put yourself in harms way.
I totally agree - Casie stated it better than me!