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I had an epiphany
I really can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. I feel like an idiot.
Here is my first post about being confused and frustrated about my desire to be with women, despite being married.
Here is last night's post about my frustration with my husband's inability and/or unwillingness to participate in oral sex more than once a year 
So last night I had a talk with him, and he says he can just tell that I don't enjoy it as much as I do other things, and it makes him feel self conscious because he doesn't know what he's doing. This is true, but only because he is so self-conscious that he's tentative and that's no good. Anyway, he suggested we just have a session where we both do it and we can tell the other person exactly what to do, and neither of us can take offense, and that way we will both know exactly what the other wants in the oral department.
Now for the epiphany: I realized that what turns me on about being with a woman is the fact that I think that she would know exactly what to do. I really only fantasize about being with women when I'm frustrated with my sex life with DH. I get turned on watching women during sex scenes and/or porn because I know what they're feeling and the thought of it happening to me is what turns me on, not the thought of being with a woman.
I really can't believe I never realized this sooner. I'm really relieved though and I hope that talking with my DH and just being really open about what I need him to do (and him doing the same for me) will help us.
Re: I had an epiphany
So last night I had a talk with him, and he says he can just tell that I don't enjoy it as much as I do other things, and it makes him feel self conscious because he doesn't know what he's doing. This is true, but only because he is so self-conscious that he's tentative and that's no good. Anyway, he suggested we just have a session where we both do it and we can tell the other person exactly what to do, and neither of us can take offense, and that way we will both know exactly what the other wants in the oral department.
Main stream book stores carry "how to" books and videos for couples. WHy not check them out?
Only you can tell him what feels good, Have you masturbated? again, if it's not, start -- and then show him where to go with his tongue to make you orgasm.
There's no two ways about it: he's just lax in the oral sex department and he's makiing up as many excuses as he can to get out of doing it.