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I need your advice Re: kids, IL's, etc
Ok first of all, yes I know it's none of my business, but given that this is in regards to DH's niece and nephew I can't just "let it go" as much as I probably should.
BIL has 2 kids. Both he and ex wife struggle financially to make ends meet. Ex wife also has 1 son from another man, so there are 3 kids.
SIL has 3 sons from 2 marriages. 2 oldest sons get a lot of extras from their dad's side of the family. Youngest son gets a good amount to. For example, kids got flip cameras last year from their dad. Oldest just got a 99 mercedes from his aunt..
It appears that niece and nephew are getting the short end of the stick a lot. I feel bad. I want to get them something extra this year at the holidays. Sort of a holiday/cruise gift. I'm thinking a digital camera for each. DH isn't completely on board b/c he doesn't like to make waves, but I think it would be nice.
Ugh, wdyt? I don't want to make up for the gap, but I want to do something.
Re: I need your advice Re: kids, IL's, etc
Yes all 5 kids get gc's for christmas. It's what they want and we just space them out throughout the year buying.
DH's niece and nephew that are BIL's would get something extra.
Wives Unscripted
Meh.I might be in the minority but I could see myself doing what you want to do. Nick's nephew doesn't get as much as his step-neices and nephews do b/c my SIL doesn't have as much money as my step SIL/BILs so we usually get him something a little more but give it separately (since they're different families). I don't know that that's an option in your case though.
My take:
If you treat the kids differently, you'd be part of the problem around kids being treated differently, only now it would be your BIL and SIL saying "S&J treat our kids differently, and they make us feel uncomfortable that they single out only the kids they're blood related to, when all our kids are our family".
If you want to do something a little different that helps you feel like you're doing something more, set up a 529 for each of the kids, and put the money that you'd want to "splurge" with them into that.
I get where you are coming from, I really do
I come from a family (on my dads side), of six granddaughters--two from my dad, two from one sister, two from a brother. The six of us are treated way differently from each other, due to geographical distance from the grandparents, the fact that some are step and some are blood relations, and even simply because the of the different time periods when we were born. It's awkward, and I can see how as an aunt you'd want to do something to even it out.
Please don't. As someone who grew up in that situation, I totally agree with Kathy. Your BIL and SIL will consider you part of the problem, not a solution. The kids will notice that you treat them differently, too.
The 529 is a great idea. My one aunt, who wanted to do something for us, gave each niece savings bonds at holidays, back in the 80s and early 90s when the interest rate on them was much better than it is now. That way we were each left to do what we would like with them as adults. It's fabulous.
A 529 is out of the question. We would never get the information from BIL to set them up. And even if we asked about them, he would just say something rude about our finances or even ridiculous like give him the money and he'll take care of it.
Wives Unscripted