Angry

melimelg

So I have moved on to the angry stage of grieving. I am angry at everyone! Everyone around me is either having babies or had their babies - and yes I have Emmy - but I am supposed to be having another one. All I see on TV, hear on the radio and see are pregnant people or newborns. I seriously can't take it! I am angry at God, because seriously I have been though enough crap in my life, why this too. At random people just because they have no idea how stupid the stuff they complain about is. At my MIL for her stupid ass comment. At myself for thinking that I did something to cause this and wonder WTF is wrong with me. That I can't get though the day without crying and wishing I could rewind the last week and go back to when I thought we had a healthy baby. Its like I just want to hole myself up in my house and not talk to anyone.

And to top it off, I was out yesterday and I heard a girl complaining now that she was pregnant, she was going to get fat. UGH. I wanted to throat punch her. I know everyone has complaints about being pregnant, I certainly did, but I would seriously trade places with her in a second and gladly gain 1000 pounds if it meant I had a healthy baby.

Sorry to be such a downer. I don't want to take anything away from anyone else that is pg or has a baby. I am glad that they don't have to go through the hell that I am. I am just so sick of everyone telling me how I should feel and that "it was for the best" and that Doug and I should "wait a while before we try again". Serioulsy. How is it anyones business how I should feel or when we should have another baby? Its like they assume that because we got pg so fast, that is what caused it and it might happen again if we do it to quickly.

I just needed to get that out. I'm kind of sick of talking about it IRL because I get the comments and the sad looks and then it just gets me more upset.

avila01

I'm sorry, Mel.  I wish I had words that might help.  I obviously haven't been in your shoes, so I can't say that I know how you feel...but I can relate to how much it sucks to feel surrounded by pregnant people, especially ones who are complaining, and just wish that you could switch places with them. (No offense intended to anyone on this board!)

I don't blame you at all for feeling angry...and I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to vent here and start getting it out.  Have you taken a look at any of the Bump boards?  There are a few specifically for women who have suffered a loss.  You may find some comfort from chatting with people who know what you're going through?

Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.  ::::hugs::::

melimelg

Thanks Carrie. Yes, I looked at the Loss Board yesterday. I am kind of torn. On one hand I think it would be good to let out some of what I am feeling. But on the other hand, I feel like it could be bad if I keep dwelling on it. A lot has happened in the last week and I think everything is really hitting me now that this is not just some very bad dream. I definitely cry when I need to. But I think I just need to have one good venting session and then move on. I actually think it is making me feel worse talking about it. I will never forget or stop feeling bad about it, but I think the less I dwell on why me or why in general, the better that I will be. I think we just need to move on with our lives. Both D and I have some relief knowing that it was a freak thing and not genetically related, so we just need to decide what our next move is and start moving towards what we want for our future.

ashleemw

I'm pissed that people think they have any right to tell you if and when you could/should get pregnant again! Ugh, I'd have an earful for those people. 

I am so incredably sorry for you loss, Mel. I pray that you make it through this and heal in time.

It's definitely healthy to go through the different stages of grief, and unfortunately anger is one. Would it help to see a counselor?

:Hugs: 

caroline1207

Wow, that is awful that people are telling you what to do about getting pregnant, that is none of their business.

You have every right to feel angry and I'm sorry as I'm probably one of those people you are angry about. I hope I didn't annoy you complaining about my aches and pains yesterday.

Just be on the look out for a package that I hope will cheer you up when you get home tonight.... 

Gina1221

Mel - again I am so so sorry that you are going through this (and I know you are probably sick of hearing that).  I wish there was some way that I could make this any easier on you. 

I think sometimes people say things that may not be appropriate because they don't what else to say or they get nervous.  I would hope that no one meant any harm.  And of course, you are just very angry right now (rightly so!), so everything is touching a nerve right now, maybe more so than it normally would.  

I know you're hurting so badly right now and feel like you don't want to talk about it, but I think talking about it can be a good thing.  If possible, maybe it would help to talk to a professional, or if you don't feel comfortable with that yet, maybe you and Doug can sit down together and both really get your feelings out.  I'm sure you've both talked about it a lot but I think sometimes in this kind of situation each spouse kind of masks their feelings a bit, so as to protect the other from getting more upset. And of course we're always here when you want to talk or vent.

WA1215

((hugs))

melimelg

caroline1207:

I hope I didn't annoy you complaining about my aches and pains yesterday.

Of course not. And I know people complain, its just what they do. It was more the girl that didnt seem like she wanted to be pg and it was an inconvenience.

 When I read your post, I thought - thank god I didnt get that uncomfortable with Emmy.