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Holiday anxiety coming
I have many holiday obligations which don't typically allow me to actually enjoy the day. I end up running from this place to that place so not to offend or upset any of the aunts and uncles that don't get life that no only my child has to go to her fathers at some point each holiday, but that my father and mother were never married so I have those two households to visit and then there is my new husbands family, that if I spend to much time there, my mom's family think I've replaced them.
I'm sure plenty of you can relate..
Why does everyone think we have to please them and set aside ourselves? Really?
I just want to stay home and tell everyone, if you want to see us, you know where to find us. But then that affects my daughter because they are stubborn and wouldn't come.
Sighhhh
Speak sweetly so that if you ever have to eat your words, they don't taste bad.
~Unknown~
Lesson learned!!
Re: Holiday anxiety coming
Stop running around like crazy then.
Holidays are great to spend with extended family, and also great to spend relaxed, at home with your close family.
Pick a day before or after a holiday to get together with different sides of the family. And every year switch it up Thanksgiving at dad's, Xmas at mom's. That way no one can be offended and you are way less stressed.
This is how we do it and it works really well and my ILs are very controlling people.
How old is your DD?
Instead of making it about "Oh - you aren't going to see anyone" which she could be sad about (depending on her age), why notmake it about "we're going to spend the day at home, but we'll see ___ and ___ on ___" (as in, spread out your holiday visits to the days around it).
You say your family is stubborn, but you never know. If this year, you actually do it (stay home) and they realize "Oh, wow, she really meant it", next year they might come to you!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don?t have children; however, when I was little I never liked going everywhere visiting a bunch of people, but I was kind of shy. The past few years I have been running from place to place trying to see everyone and I realized that I never get to spend any quality time with any of them. This year one side of my family is having a holiday party a few days in advance to alleviate the pressure of all the traveling on the holiday. Perhaps you could host your own party a few days in advance everyone can come and visit you and then on your holiday you can stay home with your family. I can?t believe the holidays are almost here, good luck!
We have a similar situation. My DH's parents are divorced. ALL our family live in the same town we live in.
We've learned- one family per holiday. Christmas morning (until after nap time) is our family time and we will not budge. Just tell your family how it is- you don't enjoy your holiday anymore b/c of all the running around and you've got to change things or you'll go crazy. Give them your plan- tell them how it will be- don't try to make it work for everyone- cause it won't. Do what is best for you and then let it go.
It's hard, but once you do it- you'll be so glad.
Our first married holiday season was crazy. I thought we had to see everyone and we did - three + Thanksgiving dinners, two families on Christmas Eve, two on Christmas Day. Crazy.
DH said he would not do it again and I agreed that it was far too much. We chose one family for each holiday: my grandma gets Thanksgiving (and a 45 minute visit on Christmas day - no food - she lives 10 minutes from my mom), his sisters get Christmas Eve, my mom has Christmas day (dad's family comes to her house).
That is what we do - every year. There is no debate. Any attempt to make me feel bad is shut down and/or ignored. We have all survived for 7 years with this method and I know DH and I are happier. Make a choice and stick with it - people will accept it, no one will die (really!), and you can enjoy your holidays.
I appreciate all of your input and thoughts. I have told them all here that this year we are staying home and anyone who wants to join us at our house is welcome. (with notice of course so I have enough food. lol).
Unfortunately, no one seems to understand. They all think because they've established their holiday routines and lives for so long that nothing and no one should change it.
My daughter is only 8 and she is a big motivator for why it's been this way for so long. She has a huge heart and the thought of not seeing one person makes her really sad and quiet for the day. And on the other hand, the family also likes to make comments that the time we come is not enough. Could be worse. Could be not at all.
Thanks again!
Speak sweetly so that if you ever have to eat your words, they don't taste bad.
~Unknown~
Lesson learned!!
They all think because they've established their holiday routines and lives for so long that nothing and no one should change it.
Well, they can think this, but they all went through some version of this at some point in their lives too. That's the thing - my parents stay at home. When I was a kid, it was because they had kids and they weren't going to run around. And now it's because their parents have passed.
At some point, your parents had to make this same kind of change.
But you cant force them to understand this. You have to do what works for you.
As for your DD, I suggest starting early and putting the idea in her head that this year, you are starting new traditions. You'll see everyone for the holiday at some point, but the actual day of, you want your family to start new traditions and you want to enjoy a nice day at home. And (sell it!) this will give her a chance to start playing w/ her new toys, etc.
Try to get her attention on the positives of this change so that she'll focus on that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10