Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Who could live next door to their parents?
People thought we were crazy for buying a house right next to my parents. Granted we are in the country, but you look out our kitchen window and into my childhood bedroom, and out our living room window into their bedroom(they always have the shades drawn thank god!). MIL thought we were crazy and that I coned H into buying the house, but it is perfect for us. We dont see my parent anymore than we did when we lived in town, but it is nice when we cant get home to let the dog out, mom lets her out and we let her dog out. We are TTC and H has a hectic schedule, we think it will be comforting when we are pregnate that when I go into labor and H cant get home quick enough, my parents are right there to help, and when we have kids. My parents arent the snoopy type, they are pretty active people who are always on the go, and so are we. For us it is comforting to know that there is someone we trust next door to help us out if we get into a bind. Plus mom making dinner and bringing us some over is a plus!.
Re: Who could live next door to their parents?
I dont think its a horrible idea. If their not snoopy and what not like you said i really dont see a big issue. And you do make alot of points. But i couldnt do it lol.
H's grandparents, aunt and uncle, cousin his wife and 5 kids live behind us, and i feel like i cant go in my back yard or come home early from work without them knowing what im doing i absoluty hate it!!!
... mom making dinner, mom taking care of dogs, parents helping out in general... I'm glad it's working out, but it seems like you're still living with your parents.
On a side note, please don't get "pregnate" until you can spell it.
This is exactly what I was thinking.. it sounds like you never grew up and are still relying on them to take care of you.
We live next door to SO's father and across the street from his grandparents, who live next to his uncle. (banjo's anyone?)
It has its pro's and cons, but it is working at the moment and I really like his family. So far the only negative is the stepmonster, but we all (her husband included) avoid her as much as possible.
If you are really sure your H is happy with this arrangement, I would think that your MIL might be jealous, especially with the thought of potential grandchildren.
Exactly there has been no cutting of the strings...or independence if you always have someone there to be right behind you. I like total independence.
lol pregnant sorry, I cant spell today. It has been a long day.
It's not every day she brings food over, or lets the dog out, but she has done it a couple of times when H and I are both working late. We still always call before we walk over to their house or they will call when they come over to our house.
This is a problem with us, as MIL thinks she should get to spend all the holidays with our children since my parents live next door and will get to see them more. H is actually the one who wanted to go look at the house when the owners were getting ready to go into the nursing home. His shop is across the highway from our house now, so it is less of a drive to work in the morning and I have a straight shot (only 2 stop lights) to get to work.
H and I actually just moved back into the area about 5 years ago because we wanted to raise our children in a smaller community than we were living in.
It completely depends on the parents! We lived on the 40 acres that my ILs own for about 6 months. My MIL would stop by unannounced all the time! It drove us crazy, we had just gotten married. If we didn't answer the door she would call our cell phones. We moved 30 min away from all the family for about 3 years.
Now we live within bicycle distance from my family and about 20 min away from his. This works great. My parents never stop by unless we ask them to. They are close enough that if I need help with my DD they can be there in less than 5 min.
I would live next to my parents in a heartbeat. I'm really close to my parents though. Before meeting DH my parents were going to let me build a house on their land. We have all discussed getting a huge plot of land so us, my brother's family and my parents could all build houses near each other.
Oh please. Living next to your parents does not mean the OP hasn't grown up. It means she lives next door. My first house was a block away from my parents, strictly because that was the house I found that was affordable and decent. We are now about 3 miles away. However, we would still ask them to help us out when needed and vice versa. We check on one another's houses when out of town, we would have them be emergency contacts for any future child, etc. It's nice being close to someone you trust and respect and who doesn't pry or cross boundaries.
OP - Good for you. It's nice that you can have that family closeness. It's not seen much anymore.
For 6 years we lived three blocks away from my M&FIL, who lived across the street from FIL's parents. I always thought it was great having family so close; but then I've always gotten along pretty well with the in-laws.
I think part of the reason it worked for us is we have a young kid so it was nice to have a few backup babysitters all within spitting distance. Likewise, they all got a free neighborhood on-call nurse out of me.
I think my MIL found it stifling, though, to be living across the street from her own MIL - especially after my FIL passed away. Idk, I guess it just depends on the relationship & personalities of everybody in the situation.
I literally spit out the water that was in my mouth all over the keyboard because I laughed so hard at this. Kudos to you for making my day. :]
Personally, I would if I could. My parents, however, recently moved to a neighborhood that I wouldn't be able to afford unless I married Hugh Hefner.
That being said, I would ONLY do it because we are so close. My fmaily is super tight-knit. I'm talking multiple calls and texts to my mother and my grandmother every day, not to mention we go on bi-annual shopping trips to San Marcos. It's just that no one knows me better than my family, and that's how it's always been.
That being said, idk how FI would feel about it. He absolutely adores them, but he's not particularly close with his family, so he might feel as if he's abandoning/replacing them if we "favored" mine over his, y'know?
But hey, I commend you for maintaining a great relationship with your family. Friends come and go, but family is forever. You can't unmake someone your mother.
My daughter and SIL have been pushing for me to move to Boston to be closer to them. This a.ll started about 3 years ago when they dound out they were expecting. SIL brought up the subject at Thanksgiving while they were visiting.
As I am from Boston originally and have many more friends there than in NYC now, I have been considering it.
haha, people in NYC live here to that their kids can have the advantage of the schools and the arts available. Most of my friends have moved to their country houses now that that the kids are gone.
I will continue my search in their area but I don't feel pressured. It will come when it comes.
Hopefully before their third child!
I do go back and forth every 3 weeks as they do as well. It will all work out in the end.
AND, the ground rules will be set in stone before I move. I adore them but we have different lives.They do "get it"
Growing up my grand parents were a 5 minute walk through the pasture from our house. I don't remember any issues between parents and grandparents. It was a benefit as grandparents got older and needed someone close by to help out.
When I divorced and moved from Kansas to South Texas I ended up leasing a house directly across the street from the RV place my parents were hosts at. It worked out great for my DD to be so close to her grandparents. Instead of being angry at a few of the 'nosey neighbors' a couple of my parent's friends were I chose to be glad I had one of the best free security systems God put on Earth. A strange car pulls up- my dad gets a call in case it was someone planning to break in. The day I choked while eating breakfast out on the front porch.... Dad came to check on me when those 'nosey folks' told him I was sick and asked should they call an ambulance. (I had to Heimlich myself with the porch railing).
I spent 6 months in grandparents' house when I moved back to the Waco area. Never had an issue. I moved into town, 15 miles from them.
We have keys to each other's houses but they still call before coming by and knock instead of barging in. They insist I don't knock, just call out in case they need to scramble for clothing. Mom and I make extra for supper at times and bring that extra by.
Sounds like you have a good relationship that does not intrude on each other's life.
We could live next to my mom, because she's very unintrusive. Her mother was very nosy and bothersome, and my mother swore she wouldn't be like that with her adult children.
We could not live in the same town as my MIL, because she is the poster child for nosy and intrusive.
I don't think people are weird for living so close to their relatives. It all depends on your family dynamics.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
I actually think that I could. My parents are very fun, with very active lives so they are often busy (more than I am). We are not necessarily very close but we laugh a lot when we're together. I also know for sure that they would respect boundaries and our space.
We already watch their dog for them and they come and take us out to dinner. It's just that right now we have to drive two hours between our houses to make those things happen.
DH and I wish we could afford to live closer to my parents. He would love to buy the house across the street!
We both agreed never to live within an hour's drive from his parents. Neither of us could handle that kind of drama or stress in our lives.
It totally depends on the parents. It sounds like you have something wonderful where you are!
We have a fantastic relationship with my parents and actually looked into buying a house with them. We were looking for a two family house. They travel a lot, and we work late a lot and have a dog, so it would have been a great arrangement for us both. They are very respectful of our space and I know it would have worked out well. Unfortunately, we weren't able to find a place that had enough room for all the cars/boats/motorcycles and had a yard for the dog.
My grandparents lived next door to us when I was growing up and it was awesome. I'd come home form school and go to their house, Grandma would make me a snack and they'd help with my homework. If Mom was making something and ran out of an ingredient, I'd just run next door to their house and borrow it. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents' house, just wandering down after dinner to chat. It was great, but again, everyone respected each other's privacy.
My ILs, on the other hand, oy. We live less than a mile from them and for a long time it was a disaster. My MIL used to drop by and knock on the door. H was raised with the drop by, and he always told me it was no big deal - if a person didn't answer, they just left. Except his mom doesn't just leave. She'd knock multiple times, ring the door bell, then knock on our bedroom window and start yelling his name. It was so embarassing. I have no idea why she quit, but thank goodness they rarely drop by anymore. I could never, ever live next door to them.
My grandma (mom's mom) lives next door to my parents. It's been great especially for emergencies. (She fell and broke her hip, got snowed in, a dog died behind her car.) I didn't like it as much as a teenager cause it drove me crazy how negative and racist she can be. As an adult I love that I can go see my parents and grandma in the same visit.
I would love to live next door to my parents but my H wouldn't. I hope some day to live in the same town as them though. We'll see.
Oh, and my parents (and grandma) live in the country too.
-pregnate... my H spelled it that way (on purpose) while playing the game Things and now it's a big joke among our friends.
We looked at a house in my parents' neighborhood. It was a foreclosure and needed WAY too much work on the inside so we passed on it, but the fact that it was only a few streets down didn't make much difference to us because my dad is either working with clients or hanging out in his recliner, and my mom refuses to smother us. They have their own lives and never believed in meddling in mine or my sister's.
They have a key to our house 10 minutes away and wouldn't dream of popping in unless we knew ahead of time that they were coming. We usually go to their house anyhow and that's once a week for Sunday dinner.
'Pregnate'.
Was this a typo??
Ditto
If we lived next to my parents they would call and not just stop by, they like their space just as much as we like ours.
ILs def NOT we live 30 minutes away from them and they will just stop by or expect us to come see them all the time. Thank God for Hs backbone and learning to say "nope we are staying home, mom"
My husband and I live right across the backyard from his parents. Its great to have them close by and while we do see them quite often, its never like its I really wish they'd back off some. We're expecting this March & having them right there has been an absolutely blessing with drs appts and knowing that they'll be here if we need them in a hurry!
This exactly - we used to live 6 blocks away.. we moved into the country now 6 miles away... seems SO far! I miss being that close!