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TN is depressing!
I loved coming to the TK boards. Almost every board was buzzing with happiness and excitement of the wedding planning. You could get so many cool ideas and help, and cheer with the ladies who were getting married. I know this was not reality... wedding planning takes a year, or two or whatever it takes, and then there is real life and real problems. But, this is is a little more than I expected.
I have been visiting three other boards here: Nest Book Club, Married Life and Relationships.
NBC is just all about the books. But, both ML and R are loaded with depressing stories. Maybe it's just the type of the stories that are being discussed recently, or maybe these boards are here exactly for this type of stories. All of them are either about being depressed or unhappy in marriage, or about cheating, or about divorce, or about the couples realizing that they don't love each other anymore, or that they have changed and cannot recognize the person they married.
Just two days ago I found out that a colleague of mine is getting divorced as well. His married barely lasted two years. When they were getting married, I looked up to them, I thought he was going to be the best husband ever and their relationship looked awesome.
I know reality is tough, and there are a lot of various problems that people go through. I just want to know that whatever it is, H and I survive it and will make our marriage last forever. And I want to know that all the ladies that I became so close to during our planning will remain happy forever as well. I want to believe that for some reason August 2010 was the month of unbreakable love and everlasting marriages... can we make that happen?
Re: TN is depressing!
Awww yeah I hear ya!!! You can trust that my H and I will be together forever :-) We've been together for 8 1/2 years and not only is he now my H but he is also my best friend. I coulden't imagine myself without him!!!
I've thought about these things before. Did all of those couples, who have now gotten divorced, feel the same way that H and I felt towards each other on the day they were married.... Did they really believe that they were going to be together forever, or were there doubts from the beginning. Whether they wanted to admit them or not. It can be kind of scary thing to think about, but I guess you just have to trust in your feelings and believe in true love :-)
I'm in! We can definitely be the board that beats the odds
I do sometimes think about things like that - so many marriages end in divorce these days.
I come from parents that were together from the time they met until the day they died. My father had a heart attack, and when my mom went in the hospital room to see his body, she had a stroke. They just couldn't live without each other.
I saw, growing up, that marriage wasn't all best-friends and happiness. It's hard to be that close with the same person forever. But you can do it if you're determined. I know that's what I want, and I'm willing to put my H and our relationship first, ahead of our children, jobs, etc. I really believe that's what it takes.
H, however, came from parents that split up. To be honest, I always assumed I'd marry someone whose parents were still together. I just think that really gives people the knowledge it takes to make things work through the hard times. But, he's the man for me, so it's just something I have to accept. We had many, many conversations about the idea of forever, and though I can't 'know', I feel in my heart that he really gets it. Only time will tell, I guess.
I think as a PP said, so many marriages are rushed and there are doubts before the marriage. H is 24 and I'll be turning 23. Very very extremely young. But we click, it works, and I can't imagine our relationship turning so sour that it ends in divorce. For us, divorce isn't the answer. We work things out and have never been in a fight where one of us walked away. We do, however, have deal breakers -- if one of us were to cheat, the other will walk away from the marriage. No question. And I am okay with that.
My parents have a good marriage and just celebrated their 25th. H's parents were together for 25 years too before H's father died of a heart attack in '07. MIL said she'd never marry again, but she actually met a man (his wife passed away from cancer over 10 years ago) and they moved in together a few months ago. MIL's boyfriend was at our wedding and sent H a letter a few days ago telling him that he intends to propose to MIL
As for my dear husband -- we've planned for our future. Hopefully children will be a part of it, but at the core, it's us. Him and me. I love him and there will never be another after him. Also, H and I haven't experienced a 'honeymoon' period. We lived together for 2 years (1 with my parents while he found work and 1 in our apartment) prior to the wedding and do you know what's changed since? Nothing. We still do the same things we did before. And I love it. We're officially married and we came home after the honeymoon trip and got back to doing normal boring married stuff.
There was a girl on TK who either wrote on SB or E who was filing for divorce and they had only been married since March. She made a comment that she thought marriage would force her husband to grow up. And it didn't. I think that's a prime example of why so many marriages fail. I know it sounds like the most cliche thing, but I truly believe that couples think marriage will help a dying relationship and fix all the problems.
Do the creep.
I personally think many people go into marriages with unrealistic expectations. Sure things aren't always perfect for us..but what makes us perfect is that we work through our issues in ways that work for both of us. I dated DH for 4 years prior to getting married, and we lived with each other for 3 of them...so we truly know each other 100% and know each other's strengths and weaknesses..and by marrying each other, we have chosen to take each other for both. As my DH once said to me "If I couldn't take you at your worst..I wouldn't deserve you at your best.."
louieblue you are so right! Some marriages are rushed...or, as with the case with some people I know, some people get married because a friend/relative is, and it becomes some kind of competition! Sad.
DH and I are in it for the long haul...we established a 'mantra' if you will during our engagement - "Divorce is not an option." We want to work through whatever life throws our way.
We have been together for over 5 years, lived together for just over 4 years, and so, like louieblue and her DH, we have just returned back to our normal routine. We are both making the effort to celebrate 'firsts' again (monthly anniversaries, and special holidays as our 'first being a married couple').
As with OP, I would like to think/believe that the August 2010 couples are here to stay...and we have eachother to talk to when there is a bump in the road! Honestly, I had started to lurk and even post on other boards, and stopped for that exact reason...not to mention some of the posters were just downright nasty (I think I mentioned that on TK back in August). I have been offended by the name-calling and 'bullying' that has been happening on some of the boards, so I have chosen not to get involved - except for perhaps the Book Club board.
Here's to LONG, HAPPY AND HEALTHY marriages August 2010 Nesties!
Both DH and I are lucky that both our parents are still married to each other. Both sets of my grandparents are still married as well. (DH only has one grandpa left and he remarried after his wife died of cancer). I think that upbringing taught us what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. My parents are so completely different, but on the 26th they are celebrating their 26th anniversary and they are still so in love.
I know DH and I can make it work because I see my parents having the same discussions, and bickering about the exact same things (even sometimes in the exact same words *scary*) as we do.
We didn't even get engaged until we know we could not kill each other for at least a year of cohabitation, and neither of us went into it thinking that divorce was ever an option.
That's why I love my August 2010 ladies. You are so real and you just made me feel so much better.
Like most of you, both DH and I come from families that did not split. I remember times, when I was around 13, when my parents were doing really bad, and I thought they would get divorced. I thought so, because I overheard them once talking and saying a word "divorce". I ran inside the room and screamed at them crying that they cannot get divorced. They said they never even considered it. They were just talking about a friend of theirs. My dad's father left his family and my dad promised to himself he would never do that. DH's parents have been married for over 40 years. Both his sister and brother have been married for about 10 years now.
Two years ago, DH's HS sweetheart got divorced after only two years, and we were shocked. We wondered what started it, and how come they could not see it coming before they even got married.
srveatch - my prayers are with you two. I remember you talking about your DH's cancer before. I hope he gets better, and wins this fight!
My Blog
Thank you! He starts a three and half week Radiation treatment this week. We expect him to be cancer free after the treatment... in fact he may already be cancer free, but they want to make sure and the treatment will give him a 98% chance of that!
Prayers for you both!
I would also like to only hear of my fellow August brides continuing their long, and healthy marriages forever!
It's a bit of an adjustment on TN, I agree, because TK is an entire website focused on one small aspect of life, whereas TN is broader, full of varied topics, and sometimes the topics are depressing, or silly to me too.
At least we have each other. :-)