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Gift etiquette WWYS?
A classmate is getting married over Christmas break. He invited several of us out of politeness and none of us are attending since it's a 12 hour drive and $$...he, of course, doesn't expect any of us to attend.
At first some of us had talked about just getting them a present individually, then it was that those of us giving gifts should get together for a mini shower... It's evolved that I'm going to have a (pretty swanky, I'm excited!) dinner party in January to welcome his new wife to town. I'll invite the same people he invited to the wedding to keep things easy.
The question is gifts. All of us girls obviously got excited about her registry (several of us totally stalked her lol) and I've known what I'm giving them for weeks now. The boys though...there's a good chance since many of them are 22, the thought of a gift hasn't even crossed their minds.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable when we get to the gift portion of the evening, so something needs to be said. Would you just talk to them in class? My mom suggested maybe asking each of the boys for $10-20 and I'll go pick out something nice for the group of them.
Re: Gift etiquette WWYS?
I'm a 35 yo woman and if I got an invite to a dinner party "to welcome the wife to town" I wouldn't dream of bringing a gift. I would have sent a wedding gift to their home already.
As the host either make it clear that this is when you are intending to give them wedding gifts, or send the gifts to the home before your party.
At first some of us had talked about just getting them a present individually, then it was that those of us giving gifts should get together for a mini shower...
I would describe it as a welcome party/shower in your invite - just to make it clear to the guys - and maybe help them out with some ideas. I agree that 22 yo males are pretty clueless re: such things.
Good Luck!
I think I'd do this one of two ways. Either A. give your own gift off the registry and just say in the card something like "can't wait to see you two in January" or B. Tell your group that you're having this party more to celebrate the wedding than anything and that you'd like to have them contribute to a gift fund and ask for money from everyone so you can buy a huge joint gift.
Honestly, I think you should stick with the first option. Just take care of yourself, and let the others figure it out on their own.
And as a side note, you may also want to figure out how you're going to get enough alcohol for all those people. If you go the route of joint gift, you may want to say something like, "Everyone chip in $30. $20 for the gift, $10 to contribute to the alcohol fund." I know that may sound really petty, but you're doing all this work and alcohol for over 10 people is expensive. They may as well help you out with the party somehow. And it's still less then they'd spend on a normal wedding gift.
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I guess this is probably the millionth regional difference that can create misunderstandings. We do these parties all the time when a couple gets married OOT. The people in town save their wedding gifts to give at the in-town party when the couple will actually be there in person to open them. In DH's hometown, someone hosted a formal dinner party 3 weeks after our wedding for us and we received quite a number of gifts that night.
The only issue I'm having is that half the guest list will be compromised of young men who likely haven't been invited to one of these before because they're too young for many of their friends to have gotten married yet. I'll just tell them straight up in class that many people will be bringing gifts and they should consider giving one if they'd like.
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I agree. You don't have to tell them 'hey, you better bring a gift'. But a 'Most of us are giving the couple their wedding gift at this party, just so you know,' might be kind of nice. I honestly wouldn't know to bring a gift, so a heads up would be good.
ditto ajetter
only if it were specifically called "a shower" would i think to bring a gift, i would have sent a gift already, if they couple were close enough to me for me to want to gift to them. doesnt sound like it though because they invited everyone to be polite.
i would be more inclined to pitch in for a group gift, maybe like $10, especially if im in school.
as for the boys, i would agree that theyre adults and dont need someone mothering them, but i would do the group gift thing instead. make it annonomous who pitches in what amounts, and then go shopping with that money for something from the registry.