Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
2nd birthday - invite BIL & Fam?
We did the big blow out 1st b-day party last year, invited everyone. DH has a huge family, youngest of 8 kids, there are over 40 people in his immediate family. We had planned on doing a party at a local children's museum that was going to run us $300-$400. We had some emergency room expenses on vacation in Sept for DD and just can't afford to drop that much on a party. That's about what we spent last year too on a cheap hall rental and food.
We decided to just do a small party at home and invite DD's friends that she plays with regularly plus grandparents. It ends up being 7 invitations. Only one of DH's siblings sees us with any regularity or has ever made the 45 min drive to our house so the LOs can play vs making us drive out there. There's one other brother who has kids DD's age, a girl 3 and a girl 2 (3 months older than DD). We don't see them, quite honestly DH and I don't really get along w/ BIL and his gf. They're ok but not people we would hang out with. Their girls never play w/ DD except at large family gatherings.
DH thinks that since we invited his parents, now we
have to invite BIL & fam because it'll upset his parents. I say, we
don't have to. They didn't invite us to their younger daughters 1st
birthday and called us the morning of the 2nd b-day party to invite us,
no invite or advance warning. Never invited us to 1st daughters b-day
parties unless it was at the IL's (who were paying for it). I don't
feel bad. Maybe I'm just too much of a biotch. It isn't about money,
it's a few more people. It's simply that DH and I never hang out with
them and don't really enjoy their company.
Re: 2nd birthday - invite BIL & Fam?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Agreed!!
Yeah, agree w/ ECB. It's not about his parents, it's about your DD and who you and your H want to invite. If you're not close to BIL and he never invites you to his kids' things, then by no means are you obligated. Just invite who you originally planned to invite.
My H is 2nd youngest of 8 kids too so he has a large family as well and they always did big family parties for the kids until they turned 16. My sister & I never had aunts, uncles & cousins at our birthday parties; it was just our friends, some of their parents and my grandma (in addition to my parents, of course).
I just would not want to dictate all my kid related family events around their feelings from here on out. Your Dh and his brother aren't close. You all having kids doesn't change that.
If HIS parents want to see all their grandkids together, then THEY can invite everyone over to their house.
Honestly, I think your DH needs to make it clear to his parents at the rigth time that he and brother aren't close and just because they both have kids, that isn't changing. At certain times of the year, he'll gladly see them and spend time w/ them, but he isn't going to go out of his way to include them in what he feels are smaller, more personal events.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Haha! Do this, but then tell them you sent them an invite and never got their response. That way they can't be upset about not being "formally" invited.
Tell your H that he should be more worried about upsetting YOU than upsetting his parents. You consider yourself and adult, and won't allow your ILS to dictate who goes to your child's birthday parties. It's none of their business why you don't invite BIL.
YOU (the two of you) can tell the ILS that you wanted a small party for DD, and if they want a huge family party they can hold it at their home.