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Should I go? Re: SO seeing atty.
My SO and his wife divorced 3 years ago. They have an 8 yo daughter. For some insane reason, SO didn't hire an attorney through the process. He pays an INSANE amount in child support because he didn't want to "rock the boat", he picks his daughter up and meets the mom where it is convenient for her to drop off his daughter (she is a traveling nurse, so wherever she is at, he will meet her most of the way there). Also, she gives him a schedule as it fits her work-schedule - again, she is a nurse and has different hours. I do understand that. However, shouldn't he have some rights?
He has an appointment with an attorney next week to get everything in writing. Things he wants to address are:child-support (is there a certain formula that can be figured up for what he should pay)? Location: if he goes to her hometown to pick her up, can the mom come to his hometown on Sundays to get her? Visitation: can he go to every other weekend instead of every two or every 3 as it works now for her schedule.
We have been together for a year and a half and dated in high school. He wants me to sit in on the appointment as this could affect my future, as well. Should I go?
Re: Should I go? Re: SO seeing atty.
Will the mother be there too then?
This is just an appt with his attorney, right? His ex won't be there?
If you two are seriously planning a future together, it might be good for you to be in the know. I don't know that I would be an active participant, though. Maybe just go to listen.
No, the ex won't be there. She knows that he is looking to do this and contacted her atty right away. Her atty said he does probably have a chance at getting a lower support payment, and getting on a more regular schedule...so that was promising!
Go so you can get an idea of what kids of battle he may be facing.
I go with SO to all of his attorney appts. For one, he likes my input and whats me involved. And two I know there are things he might forget to ask or forget a particular answer. His attorney has no problem with me being there and has even talked to me on the phone when SO is not available.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Google your state and Child support Calculator. Use the one from all law, it is the closest to what most states use to figure out CS.
What many of the online calculators don't always include is Daycare/Summer Camp expenses and that is usually added on top of Basic CS.
There is a Blended Families Board on the Bump. We talk about this and various unique situations that arise from being in a Blended Family and co-parenting situation.
From the lawyer's perspective (me), yes you can go, but don't participate.
It's annoying when someone who's got zero say in court takes over in the office. The attoney needs to see that his/her CLIENT (your boyfriend) will actually be able to speak in court when necessary and what he will actually say. If you talk in the office, the attorney can't properly prepare for your boyfriend's demeanor in court and you'll be wasting the attorney's time and your boyfriend's money.
And yes, I'm fairly certain that every state has child support guidelines - the formula of which you speak. In NJ, it'd be approximately 17% of income. Not sure what it'd be in your state.
And yes, your boyfriend can work out a regular schedule for parenting time. In fact, parenting time is usually based on the schedule of the parent who will be visiting with the child, not the schedule of the custodial parent, unless they can work together for the benefit of both.
People who cave just to "not rock the boat" make my teeth grind, especially since it just makes more work and expense later.
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Yes, you should definitely go, but I agree with everyone else that you should just be there for support.
Both parties in a divorce should, and do, have rights.
As far as what he pays, there is a formula that is decided by the state. It is based on what the husband and wife make. All child support is going to seem insane, but, like I said, it is a formula. If a parent makes more than a certain amount, the formula changes.
My ex and I have it set up so that he comes to pick up the children from me for every visit. However, I am more than willing to drop off or pick up if he needs me to. Visitation is typically every other weekend and one day during the week.
In most second marriages the ex-wife and the current wife are the ones that make the arrangements. At least that is what I have seen with my friends whose husbands have children from a prior marriage. If you are going to be in this man's life and his daughter's life, it will pay off for you to be in the know about what is going on so that you can support him and the ex-wife in their arrangements.
No I would not go. You need to ask your attorney if you can even be present because there are legal issues involved.
As a person who has been on both sides of this issue, I do not recommend you go. Especially not for the first meeting. Attorney/client privileges and where you really stand in the relationship.
Other posters did answer your other questions accurately, there is a standard formula and he does have to assume camp/childcare and transportation items.
I suggest you prepare him well and meet him after its over and discuss how it went. But, inserting yourself too early can back fire.