Same-Sex Households
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When did you know that you were gay?
I got in a heat debate with friend yesterday about people being born gay. I said that people were born gay and he said that is possible but want is the scientific proof. Then I told about people who knew they were gay from an early age and he told me about people who were dating the opposite sex then said they were gay.
So, I was wondering when you first knew you were gay? I knew that I was bi when I was 13. 
Re: When did you know that you were gay?
I didn't put all of the pieces together until I was 19 - but that doesn't mean it wasn't underlying all that time (feeling different from friends, no sincere interest in boys, etc.) I didn't know any GLBT people until college and didn't know that being in a relationship with a woman was an option.
I do think that people are born gay - but choose to act on their feelings.
This is very similar to my situation. I think that people are born gay, but don't always realize it or recognize it until later in life. I think a lot of that has to do with your background. I'm originally from the south, I did the debutante thing, and my parents and family friends seemed to always expect me to have a boyfriend. Generally, girls are expected to date guys, and because that's what is perceived as "normal" in most cases, I think most kids/teenagers don't really want to think about being that "different." I dated guys in high school (most of them turned out to be gay) and even into college. I did have some gay friends in high school and was always an avid supported of gay rights. I never really put the pieces together that I was really interested in a relationship with a woman until college though. I can go on for a hugely long post about the events leading up to my epiphany moment and how there were several clues starting in the 4th grade where I could have realized it, but didn't really think that it was an option for me, so I chose to ignore it.
I knew that I was bi when I was 17. And it took me that long only because sex was such a terrifying thing for me at that point. My mother was telling me that "good" girls weren't interested in sex at all (with men or women) before marriage. And my father was molesting me, then blaming my physical responsiveness for his actions.
Looking back on it, I'd been having pretty much equal numbers of crushes on males/females from when I first started having crushes at all.
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I grew up with lesbian aunts, I knew what gay was from age 6 or 7. I always knew I was a little different but I am a girly girl so it wasn't obvious to anyone else. I wasn't attracted to boys at all but I thought that was normal. I guess it started when I got my first crush on my best friend when I was 13. She let me give her a massage in a tent...I definately felt something then
It didn't go anywhere good as she was straight. I dated a few boys on and off after that but felt nothing. I met my first girlfriend at work...she didn't even know I was gay until I crashed at her house one night after the club (totally drunk). Shocked her.
I was still confused for years and went back and forth trying to please other people. It's still not easy being a feminine lesbian, people are nice to me until they discover I'm gay, it hurts.
I guess I was sure at around age 19. That's when I learned what love was and who I felt it for. For me it's not the act of having sex with men or women that identifies me as gay or straight (physically it's possible with both), it's who I can love...and it's not men.
Amanda
Hmm... Honestly, no one has ever really asked me that question.
I don't really consider myself "gay"- I guess I would say I'm bi. I was married and only about men until my marriage went south and my best friend (a woman) was there for me. If it wasn't her, I'm certain it would have been another man. I've never been attracted in a sexual/relationship way to any other woman but B.