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Full time info
Some of you may have noticed during AW Weekend that I announced that D and I have the kids full time now. We did NOT go to court. She moved. I know that a couple of you actually do care about this so I wanted to share it with you.
Yup, the kids mom moved about 10 hours away to live with her bro and SIL. She has wanted to move out of MN for about 10 years and finally decided to do it.
The move happened last Wednesday so it hasn't been a full week yet. And no, she hasn't called yet.
The kids are doing just fine so far. They know she moved. They were a little upset last Sunday when they came home but have been just fine all week. (Other than the 7 year old possibly thinking it's her fault.)
If the kids are going to be weirded out, it should happen this week. Normally, they would be with her right now. But they are still here and both know why. So far, everything is good.
As for when she is going to see them again.... good question. When she first started talking about it, she said Thanksgiving. Then she said Christmas instead. The last time she brought it up a couple of weeks ago, she said that her bro and SIL will come up for Christmas but she thinks she'll just stay there. Huh? How does that make sense?
Now, she is saying Spring Break will be the next time she sees the kids. Um, that's FIVE months from now. Not to mention, I highly doubt she looked up WHEN Spring Break will be. Good planning.
I think her bro will guilt her into coming up at Christmas. D has always said this about her and why she does what she does: "She does things for 2 reasons, usually. 1) She feels it's her DUTY and 2) to spite me"
So, all we can do is wait and see.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
Re: Full time info
Married
Taking Control:Updated 1/7
Oh, yeah! I'm so happy for you guys. This is absolutely the best thing for the girls. I do hope for their sake that their mom comes back and visits before spring break. Waiting that long seems a bit extreme.
Why does the 7 year old think it is her fault? That broke my heart when I read that, poor babe.
As a side note, your castle cake looks insanely delicious.
I did notice that last night. I wondered what happened. Honestly, that is probably the best thing for the girls and they are surely in good hands. Kudos to you and D for being such awesome parents.
I am sure the girls will adjust just fine, kids are pretty resilient. But if not, there is always counseling that could help them. It is probably best that she is out of their lives for now since she was not a positive influence on them.
Thank god, and good riddance. Holidays will not be terribly important (psychologically) for them yet, but a counselor might be a good idea anyway. They will wonder why their mom "deserted" them for years to come- this I know from experience, I was K's age when my dad got custody of me.
Planned Executed
Yay for the kids!
Having been through this type of process I am so glad that you guys are finally in a position to have them, take care of them, and protect them full time.
How are you feeling about it all?.
Carter born 5/28/11
BFP 9/27/12 EDD 6/11/13, MC 9wks, no HB
congrats to you and D! its too bad that the kids mom doesn't realize how much she hurts them. but this will be so wonderful for them!
I said it before and I will say it again
I am sooooooooooooo happy for u and D!!!! The girls have what they need right now and thats constant support! Xoxo
seriously- echos of everything everyone has said: those girls have serious unconditional love, support and stability now! at their ages it's not good enough to just *know* that your parent love you, you have to see it and feel it. my heart hurts for them, but you two are a super strong foundation of a loving family to help them heal and move on.
this is going to be so so so much better for them, and having two people who will make them the absolute center of the world and not just a sidebar will make a huge impact on them. so wonderful.
i'm sure she'll be back for christmas...part of me can't believe she just up and left, but the other part of me can. she really screwed the pooch with this move (both with her children and with future custody).
Amanda Williams Photography
For almost the entire year, she has been telling the kids "if you aren't going to be good, I don't want you to come to see me". Yeah, I know. HORRIBLE.
2 Sundays ago, D went to drop them off for her last week with them. She asked them, in front of D AND his FATHER, "are you going to be good for me on my last week with you?" The kids said yes. And she said, "good, I would hate to move knowing I have only one GOOD DAUGHTER". And she looked right at the 7 year old. Good. Lord. Almighty.
So now she has moved. If you were a 7 year old that had heard all of this, what would you be thinking?
We asked her the other night if she DID think it was her fault. She said no, after pausing, but she had that look on her face like she was not saying something.
I plainly told her it was NOT her fault and that she was NOT a bad daughter. She beamed. She said she wanted to cry when mommy said that to her. I told her that I would have felt that way, too... and that it was wrong of mommy to say that. Not badmouthing her at all. Just being honest.
And to be brutally honest, neither child is a "bad daughter". But if there is one that is more difficult than the other.... IT'S THE LITTLE ONE! LOL. A lot of YOU know that. The 7 year old is easy peasy compared to her sister.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
D walked H into class the first day of the week she moved and talked to her teacher. I thought it was best that both that school and daycare know what happened. That way, if either child starts to act out, they know in advance the possible reason.
D also told her teacher the "bad daughter" comment and he about flipped out. He said that if needed, they have a great counselor at the school that is really good at getting kids to open up.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
Relieved in a way. Knowing they will have more stability is great.
But to be honest, I would rather her have just GROWN UP and stayed here. It would be better for them to have their mother around IF she would be the mom she should be to them.
It will be an adjustment for D and I. When I first moved up here, we had them full time. But we have gotten used to them being here a week, and then gone a week. Trips to TN will be doable as long as Nana and Grandpa can babysit. LOL.
If she is going to grow up, I hope that one day she moves back and is IN their life. That would be the best thing for them.
But if she is going to act like she is 16, they shouldn't be around that.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
I think she will come back, too. But the only reason is that think her bro and SIL will guilt her into it. She has always put on a different face for everyone but us. Heaven forbid that anyone actually find out what she does and make her look bad.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
Planning Bio - Woefully out of date
I'll be damned. She called today. But D had not gone to pick up the kids yet.
This evening, he told the 4 year old that he had a surprise for her. She asked what it was. So, he said, "would you like to talk to mommy?". And she sat there, blinked twice and looked puzzled, and said "why?".
Yeah, that's her. She is fine with whatever is going on. She did talk to her mom and told her ALL ABOUT the wedding video, which we had JUST watched with them. I am sure she hated it. Seeing as she FORBID them to talk about the wedding.
Yes, forbid them. She said when they talked about it, they did so for HOURS. Dude, those kids don't do ANYTHING for hours. No kid does.
The 7 year old seemed happy to talk to her. Maybe it's because we keep telling her it's not her fault.
OH! The reason she called? She went to dinner last night with her Bro and SIL and their friends with 4 kids... it made her miss them. Wha? So if she hadn't gone to dinner, she WOULDN'T have missed them? Oy vey.
It's almost here! Weeeeeeee!
my read shelf:
43/70 books read
Back in June 2010...
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Amanda Williams Photography
WOW just fin wow!!!!!!
Hey knibbs, I'm just catching up here, and YAY!!! I'm so glad the girls are with you and D! You're right, if their mom is going to be 16, it's better she's not around. And I'm DISGUSTED with what she told the 7 yr old.
How sad!!! I'm glad you two are reinforcing that she's a good daughter! That kind of thing can honestly traumatize a child and cause problems later on.
They're lucky to have such a great step-mom in their life! I'm glad things are like they are, and she decides to grow up, maybe she can come back and be a better mother to them!