Entertaining Ideas
WA1215
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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How do you feel about this?
We hosted a birthday dinner at our house recently for MIL. SIL called the day of, and said she would be late for dinner. They were 2 hours late, and brought an extra guest (niece's BF).
How do you feel when a guest is late or brings an unexpected / uninvited guest?
Re: How do you feel about this?
It depends. If it was a sit down dinner and I didn't have a place, place settings or enough food for the person, then yes, I would be pissed.
If it was a casual bbq in the backyard, then no. The more the merrier.
I think it's really rude. 15 minutes late is fine in my book. 2 hours? Not so much. I'm assuming, though, that she just said, "I'm going to be a little late," not, "I'll be there at 8 instead of 6." The extra guest thing is pretty rude, too.
Do you have other issues with her or is this an isolated incident?
The lateness gets me. There's so much discomfort for the people who are already there--do we go on without them? Do we start with apps but wait for dinner? How long is too long? Eventually, someone says "Ok, screw 'em, lets just eat!" and everyone heaves a sigh of relief. Not relaxing or fun at all.
One extra person doesn't bother me, especially because niece's BF sounds like a younger person to me and sometimes it's easier to just bring along a companion than deal with a kid or teenager going to a family thing. I think I'm equipped well enough to whip out a new place setting and make room at the table. Now, if there were individual desserts or favors or something else where I had planned on only a set number of people, that would get awkward.
Our Share of the Harvest:How a couple cooks from a CSA share. Pick Up Day Week 15
She doesnt like to be around family (and has told me so to my face). Thats pretty much the only issue. First we werent sure if they were coming at all (and I prepped all of the food earlier in the day and wasnt sure how much to make bc we werent sure if they were coming or not). I made all of the sides and MIL brought fried chicken. There wasnt enough chicken since we had an extra guest so DH only ate one small piece and I didnt eat any.
It was definitely awkward, bc the other IL's were already here and waiting. Food was getting cold. We went ahead and started eating and even finished before the rest of them finally got here.
Niece's BF is 4 years older than her (she's 16). I didnt have enough birthday plates for the cake so I skipped on my piece so no one would make a comment that I had a different plate.
Maybe I should be 2 hours late for Christmas eve dinner at SILs this year LOL!!!!...JK I wouldnt do that, its wrong and only stooping to her level.
Are you serious?
I get that the lateness and the extra person are annoying and I would be annoyed w/ your SIL...but really you had a fried chicken meal and you only had enough chicken so that everyone was only alloted 1 piece? Maybe this was more like poor planning on your part. And to not have cake because of matching plates? What the hell? This makes you sound a little bit like a drama queen or someone with martyr syndrome.
seriously? you are being a bit dramatic and ridiculous if you think anyone cares about what your plate looks like. even if someone did say something, you couldn't just say, oops i miscounted so i'm eating off this plate!
sorry but you sound a bit martyrish.
My little nuggets
Some people ate more than one piece of chicken, and like I said I didnt buy the chicken, MIL did.
You dont know my crazy ILs, they would have made a crazy comment about the plate (I was given dirty looks for not having hot sauce or straws to drink out of that night, as well as being told I would probably go to hell bc Im not baptized.) They are nuts!
For a special dinner, late and extra guests are an annoyance I do not tolerate. Super rude. Like the first poster said, if it's a backyard thing, then no big deal.
Since this seems par for the course with your ILs or specifically SIL, I'd probably try to avoid hosting them whenever possible. (Unless hosting them is preferable to going over to their place and being subjected to them on their turf? Ugh. Maybe a no-win.)
And you don't sound like a martyr or a drama queen to me. Every host I know would skip themselves if there wasn't enough food and would serve matching plates to guests and give themselves something different. (We have to do these two things often when DH's huge family gets together - who has 18 matching cloth napkins or 22 matching dinner plates? Oops, 3 extra cousins showed up, here, you guys have the last of the potatoes.)
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Thank you! You are right, it is a no win and for the reasons I mentioned we rarely host dinner for them. Im reminded each time they come why we rarely have them over. Do I just continue to let them say and act with such rudeness, and brush it off or would you say something?
You're stuck with them for life and they are the way they are... I would let actions speak louder than words and minimize your time spent with them. I doubt they'll change if the entire clan is that way, so I think words would just make things uglier.
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You're right. Thank you for the advice!
yes, give yourself the non matching plate. but to not have cake at all because you can't dare have a plate that doesn't match, is totally ridiculous. even if they are crazy or do give you a weird look. who cares? i love me some cake and assuming there was enough for everyone, a strange look from someone isn't going to stop me.
if they are already telling you you're going to hell, whats one more comment about a non matching plate?
My little nuggets
This exactly. I still see drama queen/martyr written all over this. Again, the lateness and the extra guest is annoying, but it sounds like this was a casual pot-luck gathering where you didn't have enough food to begin with. Put the friggin cake on a napkin. Don't be all "Oh, woe is me. SIL brought a date, now I will have to sacrifice having cake, le sigh." If they are telling you you belong in hell what is a comment about a plate going to do?
And seriously, they are in your home and you allow them to walk all over you and insult you like that? What does your DH do? Quit being such a martyr and the next time they insult you be an adult and stand up for yourself, or better yet, make your H stand up for you.
This all sounds like OP's insecurity to me. OP, you need to listen to the bolded advice. It sounds to me like you are not at all comfortable around them and are making mountains out of molehills because you are scared of them or can't stand up for yourself or your H won't stand up for you. It's YOUR house. It's YOUR party. If someone tells you you're dumb for having one mismatching plate, say something. Tell them you miscounted, tell them you don't have enough, tell them SOMEONE brought her BF and screwed up the party. Tell them to eff themselves for all I care but if you get sad over a snide remark about a plate, you have big problems. Hell, if you LET someone make a snide remark about a plate, you have big problems.
When you are hostessing, you need to walk the line between catering to your guests' needs and being in control of the whole thing at the same time. Whether it's insensitive ILs or your thin skin, something needs to change if you don't want every party to be like walking on eggshells.
Our Share of the Harvest:How a couple cooks from a CSA share. Pick Up Day Week 15
So then why are you making her come to a family dinner -- and be in charge of providing the main course -- for her birthday?
Right back at ya