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how do you handle gift giving?
I'm just wondering how different families handle gift giving for SO and in-laws?
My family has always taken the approach that no one is excluded, If you are under their roof for the holidays you are treated the same way the rest of the family is. They also don't give more gifts to those that have been in the family longer, you basically get similar things that they are giving to everyone else in the family.
My H's family has a different approach. They feel that families focus more on their own children, and not their SO. It's apparent that they have done things this way for a very long time, as my FIL still doesn't receive anything from the extended family. Only those that are, for lack of a better way of putting it, blood related to my MIL's side. So, when we have a gift opening at his parents', his sister's H and myself basically get to watch the two of them open gifts, while we might receive a small gift. It's the same at the extended family gift opening. Anyone that isn't of direct relation gets to watch those that are open gifts.
I have always made a point to give gifts to everyone that is my family, blood relation or not. I'm just wondering if most people do things this way or more like my IL's do?
Re: how do you handle gift giving?
My family takes a similar approach to what your family does. My brother in laws will receive similar gifts that my brothers are receiving. We have always went with the motto that if you can't give everyone a gift at the family gift opening, then it's better to not give anyone a gift. If it's important to you to give a family member a gift just give it at a different time. Usually, though, if we don't have the money to buy gifts for everyone we will for my parents, and then maybe offer to do or help with something for everyone else. There are still little things that you can give to everyone, like time or company.
The holiday's aren't about how many gifts you give or receive, it's about just being a family. My family has never put an emphasis on gifts, but if you are giving gifts to family, you treat the rest of your family the same way by giving them gifts as well.
my husbands family basically does a gift excange type thing for all adults. women buy a present for a woman, men buy male gifts, they we do an exchange type thing, sometimes a game. the kids usually get a group gift from each family group.
My family we pull names and we buy something for that person, we have a set $ amount we can't go over. Works out well and we dont spend a fortune.
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DH and I don't give each other gifts, we also find a charity that relates to something we did that year. We both have kind of large families. Generally all the kids get a present, and then we draw names for siblings and their SOs - awkward for you to watch them open presents!
My family stopped doing gifts because we just grew bigger than our income. So we do secret santa. We pull names on Thanksgiving and then exchange and try to guess who got us on Christmas.
My ILs are a lot like OP's. They treat the "blood related" a lot better than those of us that aren't. Last year I received a Turkey platter (ceramic) from DH's grandma...but she refuses to let the thanksgiving holiday transition to another location. =(
I'm interested to see how this year is going to work since it's the first legal year of being part of the family.
Both my H and I come from pretty big families and do a lot of holidays with extended family. Our families are pretty split in how they do gift giving. I think its important to follow each of your own families traditions.
On my side of the family the focus is ones own immediate family and then group gifts for extended family. If there are children usually a small gift or money for the older ones (teens). When you're a kid you kinda always expect gifts.
On my IL's side they always do 'elephant gift exchanges' with the adults at Christmas Eve and then immediate family gifts on Christmas Day. Usually first thing in the morning when before everyone arrives for brunch. There are only and handful of kids under of the age of 16 so its pretty easy to get something small for them - usually something trendy or popular that year.
Hope that helps...