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Birthday at a restaurant question
FI's birthday is in a few weeks and it's on a Friday. I don't really want to throw a party b/c we're not into the kinds of parties that our friends here are into (they're a rowdy military bunch who get drunk while their preschool age kids run around unsupervised).
There is one restaurant in town that we love, it's a Japanese place with hibachi and we meet up with friends there all the time. I was thinking of going there for FI's b-day since he loves sushi but here's my issue:
Isn't it true that if we invite a bunch of people to this restaurant that means we're supposed to 'host' and therefore pay? Is there a way to invite people to join us without making it seem that we're hosting the dinner?
All ideas are appreciated!
Oh, I was also throwing around the idea of having those people over for drinks and cake afterwards.
Re: Birthday at a restaurant question
You could do this or you could have dinner with your DH and offer to meet up somewhere for drinks afterwards (buy the first round).
I think the key is to ask them to join you for dinner. If someones asks me to join them, I assume each pays for their own. If you say, we're inviting you to dinner, to me at least, that means your treat.
If you really want to make it easy, what our family does sometimes is just go to dinner with the immediate family and then send out an e-mail saying, "please join us for dessert".
As long as there are no surprises, you can do whatever you want. People who don't want to pay for their own dinner don't have come.
While some people get uppity about being "hosted", I'd MUCH rather have dinner with someone I like and pay myself, than not have dinner with them at all.
Phrasing like "Join us for dinner" and "here's the menu if you want to check it out" and "first round of drinks is on us" goes a long way.
Another way of nicely saying that you're not paying is to either include the website of the restaurant and include a price range of the dishes. I did this for a bachelorette party so girls know what the cost of things were and they could plan accordingly.
I think that it really depends on your group of friends. There is no right or wrong unless you say you're hosting and then expect people to pay. We do birthday dinners out a LOT and the expectation in our group is that you pay for your own and pitch in a little to pay for the birthday person's meal. If you haven't done this type of birthday dinner before then be sure to make it clear.
We're having a HH for my birthday and my BFF's and our email just said - please join us for a drink (at local HH place). Everyone in our group knows that we are not covering everyone's drinks.
When we host a party we cover everything - drinks, food, etc..
I can't speak for everyone- but for the younger guests at least I would assume that if you say something like "I am taking my husband out for dinner- if you want to stop by or join us" I don't think they will think you are paying....
Having people over for drinks and cake afterwards sounds easiest though!
I would suggest that you mention something like the menu prices are from $x-$x just so everyone understands that its pay your own way.
I tend to agree with you, but my friends don't see it that way. My husband and I have friends who are a few years younger than we are - mid 20s - and therefore not too far out of college, so almost every birthday "party" invitation is for us to come out to a bar for happy hour and pay for our own drinks. Which annoys me - moreso when I'm not terribly close to the person.
For our birthdays, H and I have done a few of the following:
- go to a bar and buy a round on you. Then people can only have one (free) drink if they choose. We did this and also brought some picnic food for my birthday this year (the bar doesn't serve food and has a nice patio with picnic tables). I think H ended up paying for most of the drinks, since it was a holiday and only about 8 people came with us. And knowing it was my birthday, they comped us a round, too.
- rent a room and bring in your own food and drink. One year we rented out a private karaoke room, started at 10pm, and had a fruit tray, a birthday cake, a few beers, some water, soda, juice and liquor.
- have a private dinner and do cocktails and cake at your house. If anyone asks about dinner plans and you'd like to invite them say, "We're going out to dinner. You're welcome to join us, but unfortunately we can't pay for everyone."
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