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Body Image
As an adult, have you ever felt completely satisfied with how your body looks?
For me, the 2 times I was closest to being happy with my body was when I was a size 5 (40 pounds ago in my early 20s), and when I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now (I was mostly size 8; in my early 30s) - this is when I met James as well. Now I'm a size 12. I recently lost 14 pounds that I gained really fast, so I'm happier than when I was at my heaviest.
I exercise a lot, so in some ways I am proud of my body, and I feel proportional at size 12. But every once in a while I see a picture of myself or a sideways glance at my arms in the mirror, and I feel so huge. Most of my friends are Asian American like me, and are shorter than me, so at 5'7" sometimes I tower over my friends, especially when I'm wearing heels. There have been many a time a look at a group picture at 4 or 5 of us, and I look like a giant compared to everyone else. I don't like that feeling unless I'm also skinny at the same time.
I look longingly back at my time when I was thinner, especially when I was the size 8 (the early 20s size was too small for me; my head looked too big for my body) - but even then, I wasn't satisfied because I wanted to be really toned and athletic looking.
It makes me sad to think that so many women aren't happy with their bodies, and even when their bodies were "better" - at that time, we weren't satisfied either.
I don't know, is it just me? I think it was Lori that posted a great status update the other day about being proud of her body and proud of being a mother. That's so awesome.
Re: Body Image
I regularly feel the same way. I'm 30 lbs heavier than I was in high school and university and I hate it. I put it on 5 years ago and haven't been able to get it off.
Or rather, haven't been willing to work it off.
Mostly, I don't think about how I look until I see a mirror or a photo... and then I hate it! I used to feel photogenic, but I don't anymore.
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I'm right there with you. Now that I am in my mid-20's I'm having a harder time with it. 6 years ago I was super confident and happy with my body. Now I'm not as confident, and have a sort of love-hate relationship with myself.
I miss my 18 yr old body. I was so fit back then! But then again, I was working out 4+ hours a day due to playing softball in college.
Once I stopped, and started working everything changed. Right now I'm about 20 lbs more than I was back then. I've gotten curvier because of that, though like you Jen it's been proportional.
Anyway, it's just weird. My body is totally different and I am still getting used to it. My boobs are bigger, my hips are bigger and well it's just hard trying to figure out how dress now. Not only size-wise, but trying to dress my age. I'm not 18 anymore, but I'm not 40. I think I'm in a weird in-between stage.
All in all, I exercise and try to eat better. Earlier this year I lost 20 lbs by doing just that. I was feeling healthier, self-confidence was coming back - it was awesome. But then we moved and I fell off the wagon and gained back some weight. So I'm trying to get back on track to get back to my old self. I don't think I can get back to my 18 yr old self, but I do think I can be healthier & more toned.
I'm not sure why woman seem to not be happy with their bodies. From my experience getting older and having your body change so much may have something to do with it.
One good thing though, just the other day Chris told me that he thinks I have a better body than I did when he met me. That made me feel better
I've never been happy with my body - not even when I was in college and, looking back, was smokin'.
These days it's even worse...carrying multiples does a real number on your body and I'm horribly self conscious. My stomach in particular makes me cringe - it's still bloated even now, and my skin got so stretched that I have a big flap at the bottom of my stomach. Not to mention the zillion wrinkles from stretchmarks. I never though I'd be a supermodel after the boys were born, but honestly I never thought it would be this bad, either.
Ben is great and constantly tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful and attractive, etc., but I just feel so ugly.
I don't think I've ever been completely happy/satisfied with my body. Sometimes I'll look at old pictures and be like "Wow, I wish I still looked like that," even though I wasn't happy with it at the time. I'm just wondering if ten years from now, I'll look back and wish I looked like how I do now. I'm scared of what having a baby will do to my body!
back in high school, i was completely satisfied. then i went to college and seriously gained ~30 lbs. and for whatever reason (most likely lack of knowledge and drive), i couldn't get rid of it. and i didn't get why because i was athletic in HS.
then after we got engaged, i finally had the kick and drive to get in shape. i hired a trainer (i know, cheating), and we've been training for ~6 months and now i'm SO happy! i only lost ~12lbs but i can do a ton more pushups and looked toned. now i actually enjoy working out and cooking healthier foods. it's addicting!
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I think our culture makes it really hard to ever be happy with the body you have. We are surrounded by images that truly don't portray reality. We have beautiful girls ranging from 20-30 playing high school students in shows like Glee and 90210... making young girls want to appear older than they are. And everywhere you turn is an airbrushed/photoshopped image of a model. I think that regardless of how much you weigh and how tall you are, we live in a culture and a time where it is nearly impossible to be happy with the bodies that we have.
Sorry -- that's my little soapbox. I watched my best friend/cousin become a shell of a person because of an eating disorder. And at the time (and still today) she was/is one of the most physically attractive people I have ever seen. A beautiful combination of Katherine Heigl and Charlize Theron. But because she is 6 feet tall, the world told her that her clothing size was too big. It just really frustrates me what we have done with the image of "beauty".
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I have never been 100% satisfied with my body, but I would have to say 90% are issues I have with my own self-confidence and insecurities. I have never been a confident person to begin with so it definately plays a part in how I perceive myself and I always compare myself to others. I'm 5'9" and was always a size 8 in HS then went off to college and actually lost more weight because I was in a very bad relationship. Once I met my now hubby I have gained about 30 lbs over the course of 8 years...EEK! I lost about 20 lbs for the wedding and I felt great because I was eating right and exercising 3-4x/week. Since the wedding, I have gained it all back, but don't really have the motivation to lose it again even though I really "want" to. It's a hard balance that I stuggle with all the time.
After this baby comes out I know it will be even more of a struggle to lose the weight and stay active so I really need to come to terms with how I want to confidently live my life for both me and my little family.
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
interesting post jen, it's crazy that every single reply is essentially the same: no one is 100% confident about their bodies...it really is indicative of the culture that we live in, and how our standards have changed so much.when once, a size 14 (marilyn monroe) was considered the ideal, now, we see reality tv "stars" crying over their weight when they're a size 2... it's pretty sad.
as for me personally, I haven't been immune to this self-consciousness about my body. even though i am still considered "petite" for my height and weight, I find myself thinking about "how i used to look" and it drives my husband nuts.... I definitely try to live healthy by eating right and exercising, but when I fall short, I always feel this irrational sense of guilt, and I really wish I didn't..
When I think about it, it makes me kind of ashamed of myself, because I think of people who have REAL problems in this world, and here I am obsessing over how many calories I devoured today, or how fat my thighs look in shorts.... it really takes seeing other people's real struggles to realize how petty and self-centered your own can be sometimes
I have always been bigger than my peers...I was 5'8" in the 6th grade and had a 34B. I started wearing a training bra in the 3rd grade (I was 8). I was taller than everyone in my class (inlcuding the guys) until Junior year in High School. So body image has been a struggle my entire life! I cannot say that I have ever been 100% thrilled with my body but I can say that I marvel at how it has produced another human being and can nourish that human being so beautifully.
As a new mother I have a new respect for my body and what it has allowed me to do...sing over an entire orchestra, swim in the sea with fish of a thousand colors and produce an new life. I continue to work hard to accept my body as it is...warts and all...I want to be a good example to my daughter and not send her messages of self-hatred. Could I weigh less? Definitely. Could my body be firmer? Sure. But I am learning to love the body I have today...and embrace the things about that I like and those that I don't like so much...because at the end of the day....all of it amounts to the person I am...and the person who is loved by an amazing husband and incredible daughter as well as dozens of friends and family...no matter what size my jeans are.
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Great post... It's actually comforting to read the previous posts, knowing I am not the only one who isn't satisfied with their body. However, at the same time, it's sad that all of us are unhappy in some way, shape, or form.
I am extremely unhappy with how I have let my body go. Weight is something I've always struggled with and actually had an ED in highschool where I was extremely underweight (82 lbs). I overcame it with some great therapy and peer support however never learned healthy eating habits and quickly gained 30 lbs my first year of college. Seeing how people treated me differently as slightly overweight compared to extremely underweight was horrific. People were mean and I quickly felt left out.
My senior year of college I realized that I needed help to find out what healthy eating was and how to use portion control. I joined Weight Watcher and dropped down to my ideal weight and felt the best I had ever felt. Again people's reactions towards me changed (for the good) but it almost made me feel worse knowing that I was only good enough to some if I was little. The weight loss lasted about three years and I slowly packed on some pounds again the year we got married. I look at our wedding pictures and am so disappointed in how I look. I know I could have tried harder to keep my healthy lifestyle and in turn love myself the way I used to. Right now I just don't have the will power to manage my food and exercise in a healthy way and I really need to get back on the wagon. We want a family in the future and I am terrified of what it will do to my body. I know I have the determination in me I just have to find a way to motivate myself again. Maybe I'll put up a picture of me from back when I felt like a million bucks. I want to feel that way again.
Jen, like you most of my Asian friends are skinny and have miracle metabolisms. They eat like a teenage boy but don't gain a single pound. I, on the other hand, gain weight very easily, and as the same Asian Canadian as they are, it never seemed fair to me. As we've gotten older though, they have developed some health problems. Because they never had to worry about weight gain, they didn't really care about eating healthy, and that has taken its toll.
I had some skin problems and was put on a very restrictive diet. I lost a lot of weight from that diet and I, like ETweet, was surprised at how people treated me differently for being thinner. I was happy with how I looked in pictures during that time, but saddened, again like ETweet, that body size and weight made such a difference.
In the end, the restrictive diet was just too stressful for me to follow all the way. I've found a way to keep my skin happy by limiting certain foods but not cut them out completely. Allowing myself to eat certain things has put some of the weight back on, but I'm still lighter than I was when I started the diet. Like some of the other pp's, I've lost the motivation now that there isn't a wedding or some major event to lose weight for. I'm unemployed as well, and that has done a huge number to my self esteem.
A Nestie (Tina, maybe?) posted a link from a blog (singledadlaughing) on FB, which addressed this issue. I don't have the link but it was an interesting read.
What a perfect way to respond to this topic. This is very motivating to me to think about this topic correctly. It's not the size jeans I wear, it's who I am as a wife, mother, friend, sister. Thank you Lori!
| Olowalu, Maui ~ August 6, 2008 |
| Family of 4 ~ April 2, 2011 |
| Family of 5 - October 24, 2012 |
That's exactly the thing. I answered the original question purely based on the topic at hand which is body image. On a purely superficial basis, I would love to have my pre-pg body back but that's just my body and I would NEVER EVER trade it in the world for my LO! In fact, I'd happily do it again for LO #2-3 and I'm even possibly open to 4-5 (only if I keep having boys =P cuz I'm the type of person that may not really be able to stop until I have a girl if I end up having all boys...but we'll see for sure if/when it happens). And even though I'm not the happiest about my body image now, I'm *most* definitely the happiest I've been in my life and that's more meaningful to me than anything else.
+1!! In high school and freshman year in college, I used to think I needed to lose weight - I weighed 110lb (at 5'4"). Looking back now, I can't believe how skinny I was! I then gained a bunch of weight sophomore year, and never really lost it all. But over the years, I came to terms with it - I never loved my shape, but I didn't hate it either. I did lose a few lbs for the wedding, but didn't really stress about it too much. It was only after getting pg that I've really started to love my body. And not in a superficial way either, but in a "I can't believe my body can grow another human being" sort of way. I don't know that I'll lose all my pg weight after baby, or get my old shape back, but I can honestly say that I don't really care anymore, for all the reasons Lori's stated above. As long as I'm healthy, and being the wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend I want to be!
hi all-
long time no nest-
what an interesting thread-
gosh double make that triple whammy for me-I live in los angeles, work in the entertainment industry, and used to dance when i was younger-like some of the other comments on this thread I too am very self critical of my body and now at age 40 it is harder and harder to maintain-i try to constantly focus on bigger picture issues and all the amazing things that my body lets me do like SURF.
That being said, I am pretty much close to the same size that I was in high school but that is through lots of hard work and discipline and some luck-that is what works for me but some days i wonder if I might just let it all go....