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Married 14 days...and homesick!

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Re: Married 14 days...and homesick!

  • OK..couple things here.  I agree with another poster that some of this may be post wedding blues.  Secondly, how old are you and have you ever lived outside of your parents home?  Forget the rude comments many other people have put.  We all follow a different path in life and many of us are closer and/or dependent on our parents than others.  There's positives/negatives to both sides.

    If you never lived outside of your parents house and are fairly young (as in under the age of 24 or 25) then trust me, this will pass. As you grow up and transition from child to adult, there is a definiitely a transition.  Some of us go through this earlier in life, as in around the age of 18-20, but with millenials, this is getting pushed back further so that it happens closer to 23-26.  You need and will realize that while what you had growing up was awesome, it can't last forever, and that what you have in front of you will be SO much better. As others have said focus on learning how to cook, decorate your place, explore your new surroundings, unpack wedding gifts,  have fun with your husband, get involved with people in your community, etc. I'm 28, moved 1600 miles away from family when I was 25, my husband is now down here, and we still get "homesick."  There are at least 1-2 times a year I just want to go visit my parents with out my husband and have some alone time. I don't see anything wrong that. It's simply an adjustment.  Just know that it will get better, and many of us all went through the same "where's mom when I need her" moments as we transitioned.

  • hmm.

     

    When I moved to Italy I missed my family sometimes so I called home, just like ET.  I was 20 so I had been away at college for 4 years already and knew how to call collect if I was broke.

     

    Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

     

    You did know that you were leaving your family and forming a new family with your husband, right?  That doesn't mean that your birth family vanishes but they are just not #1 priority.  Your husband and your new home are #1 now.  You do know that, right?

  • imageTruchana:

    OK..couple things here.  I agree with another poster that some of this may be post wedding blues.  Secondly, how old are you and have you ever lived outside of your parents home?  Forget the rude comments many other people have put.  We all follow a different path in life and many of us are closer and/or dependent on our parents than others.  There's positives/negatives to both sides.

    Just out of curiosity, what are the negatives to not being dependent on your parents?
  • imagerenegade gaucho:
    imageTruchana:

    OK..couple things here.  I agree with another poster that some of this may be post wedding blues.  Secondly, how old are you and have you ever lived outside of your parents home?  Forget the rude comments many other people have put.  We all follow a different path in life and many of us are closer and/or dependent on our parents than others.  There's positives/negatives to both sides.

    Just out of curiosity, what are the negatives to not being dependent on your parents?

    I am going to second this question. 

  • I was referring to more or less being close with your parents, which can often times create some dependency.  So on one hand, you had a great childhood, with great parents you are really close to...on the other hand you may become dependent on them or afraid to really leave the nest. 
  • Let the time play its course. Sure, you will get into the new role in your life and will keep remembering more so often. It's hard for anyone during the initial setup.
  • Thanks for the replys! 

    I am 20 (many would say i am too young) but I am and always have been significantly more mature then my peers. My husband is 26 so its not like we are getting into a overly difficult situation or are still in such bliss we can not see how marriage will be difficult.

    I moved out of my parents home about 7 or 8 months before we got engaged. It was definitally the smartest thing I could ever do. I loved not being at home! I loved cooking for my now husband and cleaning etc (and I still do enjoy doing those "housewife" things now in my own house). Thinking about what a few of the replys said, I would have to agree that I miss my home of 19 years, my routine etc. It was normal and nothing ever changed. Moving out sure helped but a week before the wedding I moved back home (it was easier with all the things going on then living 45 min away in a rural mountain area) and then I got to remember how comfortable and easy it was.

     

    I think that it will just take me so time to make my house with my husband my home. And build a new kind of relationship with my parents that is not so....parenty.

    Thanks!  

  • Hi Marie-

    Probably coming in WAY later than everyone else but oh well :)

    I TOTALLY know where you're coming from and it has nothing to do with having spent time living away from your parents home or not...It has to do with blending your life with someone else's and jumping into the rest of your existence with another human being for eeeevvvveeeer :) The unknown can be freaking SCARY and you're totally in the right to grieve for your "past life".  When I first moved in with my husband (yes, we did it after the wedding. Gasp!) I too cried and had a majorly hard time adjusting. I found myself going back to my parent's house on my lunch breaks from work just to be home, even if no one was there. It was comforting to me and had NOTHING to do with still being a "baby" and "not being grown up"...I remember finding silly excuses to go home every other week or so to stay the night in my old bed (well, actually, it was a good excuse, as our apartment AC was broken and i couldn't sleep in the 100 degree weather)...It's a transitional period and just giving up the way things used to be and moving onto your new life without a thought is not healthy.  Things will get easier with time and before you know it, it will feel like you've been married FOREVER lol ;) hang in there!

  • Just thought I'd add my 2 cents here in case OP is still reading. There were some pretty judgemental comments earlier and did not actually address her feelings, rather attacked her for them.

    When I bought my condo, I was thrilled to be *finally* getting out on my own, and my new home was a 5 minute drive away. It was a long time coming. My parents were ready for me to go too. And then I took possession, and it was weird, and lonely, and not home. I did cry once or twice. My parents home felt like 'home' for awhile after I left.  It was a bit scary, even though I knew my family would be there in a minute if I needed them. We all have incredibly close and loving relationships.
     
    I suspect this may be what you are missing. Its hard to go from seeing them every day, to suddenly not being involved in the daily family dynamic. The house is quieter. Your schedule is different. Perhaps a pet was left behind. It does get better, just remember that ultimately this is wonderful, and the homesickness will pass. If you need to, call home, and just talk about your day for a few minutes. That should help. If you are close by, see your parents once a week or every two if it works for you and hubby. LOL, the first few weeks I was out, my parents joked that they saw me more then when I lived at home. Now I need to remind myself to go visit or call, cause I get wrapped up in my own life.
     
    Don't beat yourself up. Getting used to living with another person is hard work. You love them, but its different. Some people just take a little longer to adjust to big change in their lives. That's ok. When my bf moved in (later), it really took us some time to settle.  It doesn't happen overnight. But now our home is 'my home'. I still love the family home, and being there, but I love mine better :)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • So maybe i should share my story with you guys i just got married 2 weeks ago we have our own place to live and we fixed everything its very homey and when people come over they love to be here but the week of the marriage we went to our honeymoon for a week and now we have been living here for about a week and have accomplished everything with the house but for some reason i have been feeling very homesick meaning living with my  parents all that hype in that house and the only time i start feelin home sick is when it gets dark people are telling me it takes time but i hate this feeling i wanna make my husband happy and him seeiing me like this makes him very hurt so please help :/
  • So maybe i should share my story with you guys i just got married 2 weeks ago we have our own place to live and we fixed everything its very homey and when people come over they love to be here but the week of the marriage we went to our honeymoon for a week and now we have been living here for about a week and have accomplished everything with the house but for some reason i have been feeling very homesick meaning living with my  parents all that hype in that house and the only time i start feelin home sick is when it gets dark people are telling me it takes time but i hate this feeling i wanna make my husband happy and him seeiing me like this makes him very hurt so please help :/
  • While I agree that people should live alone before marriage, I realize that there are some cultures where that is not the norm. I moved out at age 21 and that was scandalous because I was supposed to stay home until marriage "like a good girl child." My parents come from a very sexist culture and I know how hard it is to stand up against ingrained cultural values. 

    My mother never lived by herself and I think that stunted her in a way. I know my husband would not have been interested in me if I was the sheltered kid my parents wanted me to be forever. 

    I think that your husband is too old for you and this is coming from a woman who prefers older men. My husband is 8 years my senior but we met when I was 25 and I had some life experience under my belt. Sometimes older men only want much younger women so that they can control their young partners; I was with a couple of men like that before I met my husband. I wonder if part of the reason your husband wanted you is a need to mold you into what he wants. 

    I think you have some enmeshment and dependency issues. See a counselor to learn to separate from your parents and examine your marriage. 
  • I say to each their own some people live on their own while others never do. I lived on my own through college then relocated with my dad to a bigger city and we shared an apartment for a few years. I went straight from living with my dad to living with my DH in an apartment. I have never felt dependant on my parents even when living with them. I still paid my half for everything and lived just like an adult I just had my dad as a roommate.

    In time it will get better. Make your house a home and invite family over to spend time there. That will create positive memories that will make your house feel more like home to you.

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