Family Matters
Once there were two women, who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A Condensed Adoption Story- I want to hear yours!
Hello! I am a long-time lurker on The Nest and The Knot. In October of 2009, I put my beautiful baby boy up for adoption, giving him to a family who spoil him with so much love. I couldn't have asked for a better couple to raise him, and I know what I did is going to give him the best life he can have. He is perfect in every way and deserves things in life I can not provide.
I am often curious/worried/anxious about our relationship when he gets older. Let me add that the adoption is open and I see him every few months 
It is a very open, healthy situation. Has anyone here been adopted/placed a child for adoption that would be willing to share any good, touching, or challenging experiences?
Once there were two women, who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.
Re: A Condensed Adoption Story- I want to hear yours!
I'm an adoptee. In short, bio-mom was 17years old, closed adoption, grew up with loving parents who actually had a surprise little sister for me a few years later. Always knew I was adopted and had a brave mother who loved me very much and wanted the best life for me while I had two parents who had waited for me-believed that then and believe it now. I did not feel abandoned/rejected or bereft, just loved by many people.
As a teen, my mom told me my BM's name-she'd seen it in the lawyer's office. Searched a little, until in grad school, living on my own, accidentally put my info into the adoption search engine backwards...and there she was, had been looking for me for years and apparently, I'd been moving in the same circles as my bio extended family for quite a while as well.
Met her shortly after, honestly, it was like Christmas AM, rather anticlimactic. I'd thought that maybe I'd been missing some essential connection to my biological roots as a child and then as an adult, realized I wasn't. I've grown to love my bio-mom and we have some crazy similarities, but in the end, neither she or my mom explained "me". I have a relationship with her now, along with my 1/2 sisters, extended family, and my grandmother. I attend family reunions, b-day parties, and over the years, am less of a "treasured guest" and more privy to the family's dirty laundry, politics, etc.-no more than the usual.
It was rough initially with respect to defining the boundaries I needed, what kind of relationship we'd have, etc. Having seen what my life could have been, I remain so grateful to her now for the most selfless, loving act of any parent. It was painful for her, always wondering if I was ok, whether she'd done the right thing, missing the idea of me. Even after she met me and realized that I did in fact, have a better life, she continued to struggle but over the years, we've defined our own relationship, speak weekly or so, and consider her a "mother figure" in my life although definitely not on the same level as my mom.
I realize that this is a relative success story and honestly, I don't know how it would have been for me to have been a part of an open adoption-when I was an adult, we had a relationship on my terms. However, my bio-mom and extended family suffered so much uncertainty, wondering whether they'd made a good decision that I wouldn't wish it on any one. If open adoption inspires more people to make the choice, I support it although perhaps a bit ironically, I'm also pro-choice.
Despite all of this, I still can't even begin to express my respect for you as a parent or truly appreciate the significance of the choice that you made. I hope my story helps a little.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is nice to hear what a good relationship you have with your bm but also what a great life you have because of her decision.
And I think I will repost this over there, thanks for the advice.
Once there were two women, who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.