Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
No O!
Hey, I've been married to my wonderful husband for almost 8 months now. We had both saved ourselves before marriage. In my 8 months of marriage and having sex with my hubby I have not had an orgasm. I have gotten close, or so I think, but right before I expect I'm getting there I feel like I have been overstimulated and I get totally turned off. I think I may have some sort of mental block. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Re: No O!
You may be putting too much pressure on yourself. The more you try to force an orgasm, the less likely it's going to happen. I think you may be on to something with the mental block.
Also, have you ever been able to give yourself an orgasm through masturbation? One other thing to keep in mind is that a lot of women cannot reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse, so try just focusing on oral and manual stimulation for a while. Once you are comfortable reaching orgasm that way, then try for vaginal stimulation.
Maybe try a blindfold, or just keeping your eyes closed while he stimulates you? It may be that you're just uncomfortable climaxing in front of your husband. It is a very intimate thing, and at first it can be a little odd to do it in front of someone else. Keeping your eyes closed would lessen the realization that there is someone else with you. Once it happens once, though, it's like a barrier is instantly removed.
Good luck!
This was or is me all the way. I never masturbated, Never really knew how to achieve the big "o". I too expect him not to masturbate. Why would he if he has me. But sex with DH it just came naturally. I felt comfortable with him enough to relax. That was the biggest thing was not EXPECTING an orgasm from our sex it was about him for a long time. Then as I got more comfortable I began to have them more and more. The (warning TMI) best toe curling orgasm ever happens when I am on top. I know my body now and know where my g-spot is and DH knows where it is too and will assist in achieving the best ever. Now I will not say I have an orgasm EVERYtime because that is not a true statement. There are days and even months (as we have been together for 6 years.) where I don't achieve my pleasure but I know its because I am uptight and once I tell my DH why and what I am feeling we have the BEST orgasmic sex ever. Good luck to you and your husband!
That was kind of what I figured.
The people who have said that you need to spend a little time getting to know yourself and what you like are absolutely spot-on. If you have no idea what gets you there, he's certainly going to have a hard time figuring it out going the trial-and-error route. That's a lot of responsibility to place on a guy.
What about masturbating, but involving him in it? The two of you can touch yourselves, together, with both intimacy and the added bonus of watching your SO masturbate.
The reason I think masturbation is so important is because it's nigh on impossible for someone who's not in your head to respond to the "hmm... maybe a little more to the left... no, not there!,,, etc" in a timely enough fashion to actually help you figure this out, no matter how well you're communicating. Hell, it's hard enough to figure out how to please each other even if you DO know what works for your body, but if you don't, then you need to find out.
Whenever I think too much about it I end up not getting an orgasm. I think the pressure makes it difficult.
Try to not think about the orgasm that way you take pressure off yourself. Just enjoy the sex and it may come!
"I know its not right to expect it everytime but I haven't even come close."
Um, yeah, it IS right to expect it every time. Does anyone expect men not to have an orgasm every time? I don't understand why a woman's pleasure is treated as optional.
LOL, good luck with that. I gotta say, for all you ladies who think your husband isn't going at it Han-style and/or looking at porn are living on another planet. If he's not, he should probably see a doctor.
Wow, I'm really glad you were brave enough to ask this question! I am in the same situation, we have been married 1 yr 5mo, and I've never had an orgasm either. I've actually tried masturbating a couple times, with and without a vibrator, and I just can't seem to get there. Everyone says relax, etc but we have tried everything we can think of and it's really putting a strain on our relationship, making us distant. We can't afford sex therapy and insurance won't pay for it. I'm really desperate and don't know what to do. I won't accept being one of those women who "just can't."
Any specific tips? We've tried different positions, vibrator, lubes, games, movies, everything. Help!
I was in the same boat when my husband and i first got married, i had waited til marriage for sex and was always "overworked" when we finally were intimate...i was nervous at first and wanted to please him too...then it just got to being hyped all the time..you have to learnd to relax and just let your body respond naturally, dont over think-or think at all! LOL...and like some of the ladies said before..most times during intercourse you wont O, you need specific stimulation..i never O during sex but when he uses his hand I can get there..and he takes his time if needed so dont feel bad, im sure if you talk to your hubby he will work with you to get you there..he wants to please you too im sure.
and there is NOTHING wrong with you husband if he doesnt masturbate or watch porn, i KNOW mine doesnt...i think if he DOES you need to take him to a doctor..or if your "okay" with him watching porn maybe you are on another planet..just sayin..
dont worry girl..just talk to ur hubs, im sure he wants to know so u guys can work thru it...sex should be enjoyable all the way for you both, especially if you waited..you deserve it too. get yours! LOL!