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splitting the holidays...(kind of long vent)
DH, DD, an I live close to DH's dad and his step-family. Everyone else in our family is spread across the country. Last year we weren't able to travel for Thanksgiving, DD was 5 days old, so we spent Thanksgiving with the local family. I don't celebrate x-mas, so obviously x-mas was with DH's local family also. In the last year, DH's step-mom has turned DH's dad against everyone in his family except us. DH's dad no longer speaks with his parents, his daughter, or his sister.
Last year we were invited to do Thanksgiving 2010 with DH's aunt and sister (both on the outs with DH's dad now). That seemed nice to us because they aren't far from my dad's family. So we figured we could see everyone and they could celebrate DD's birthday also. DH's step-mom found out we were planning on going to visit other family and tried to pull a guilt trip on us. I told her that we'd see them all the Sunday before for DD's birthday, but she literally started pouting! DH told her "We have other family now, it's not just you anymore." (I should mention that we just got married this summer). DH's stp-mom came back with "It just won't be thanksgiving without you." Whatever! She is not a nice woman!
We're doing x-mas with DH's local family again this year, which I'm fine with, but DH's sister used to come for that. Since she has been exiled by the local family, she's no longer spending x-mas with us. This is hard for DH...they're really close.
I guess I just want DH's step-mom to get over herself and realize that our lives don't revolve around her and we will not do whatever she wants, like her own children do. GRRRRRRRRRR!
Re: splitting the holidays...(kind of long vent)
Ditto PP.
Maybe you can spend some time with your husband's sister during the holidays. Invite her over for dinner and have your own holiday celebration. I'm sure your husband would appreciate that.
I have to agree- you need to ignore her. She probably pulls this stuff because it works. And from your telling of it, she had a strong hand in the fallout of the family in relation to her DH (your FIL). She's used to getting her way.
That being said, if your SIL has been "exiled" for petty, stupid reasons, I'd personally probably choose to spend the holiday w/ her instead. Why play the game w/ your step-mom when she's ousting peopel from the family?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10