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Friends "going in" on the bill
This is an interesting topic (at least to me it is) because I've encountered some REALLY cheap people in my travels. My pet peeve is when you go out with a group of people, and they dont contribute enough to the bill. Its obnoxious.
In planning my husband's best friend's (who is really like MY best friend, love him!) birthday dinner that we're having tonight, the one thing I *didnt* do was put on the invite that everyone has to pay for themselves. See, in my circle of friends - I can invite a group, and when the bill comes - everyone busts their wallets out. His circle of friends? Not so much. I also find it a bit tacky to put that on the invite. Tacky and unnecessary. I mean, we're not children. Everyone is about 38 going on 39, and I'm the youngest at 33.
He brought this up to me in a "Oh no! You should have mentioned that they have to pay for themselves!!" and had a mini heart attack because he and I have one too many times picked up the bill for a group of people, paid for people's drinks they couldnt afford (husband doesnt drink, I might have ONE while out) - so, he's panicking considering we have 18 confirmed and the girlfriend of his best friend wants to invite another 10 more.
So, since I am the anti-shy type - and very honest and upfront, I'll be letting everyone know tonight that we're all chipping in - with the exception of the birthday guy. I wonder how well that will go over. LMAO!
We are NOT paying for 28 people. I'll leave the $$ for our food/tip and run. I kid! I have two classes today, 3 exams (2 for one, and 1 for the other class) and right after, I'm running to the mall to buy his friend's birthday gift and I'm starting to stress a little bit now, oddly.
You ever get stuck with the bill when going out? Or, do you ever end up paying way more than you should?
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Re: Friends "going in" on the bill
OMG our friends are exactly the same way! Except we have 2 other guy friends who end up chipping in a lot as well. I just don't understand how our friends don't factor in tax and tip!! What, you're gonna save like $5 if you don't pay that?! Is it really that worth it?! And we know who these people are but no one says anything!!
I see no problem with you saying something before the dinner starts. Do you think anyone will get huffy and not stay?
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Mostly, I weeded out friends who are stingy like that. Seriously. I have friends who are going through hard times, granted, but that doesn't mean they are greedy or take people for granted. I am very generous with my friends and they to me. We often offer to pay when we know someone can't afford it or make up the difference. Many have worked in the service industry and know what a good tip means.
That said, if I were to do something like this, I would let them know somehow about how much to expect to pay per person. It gives them a chance to make a decision about whether they can afford it or not and to plan accordingly. You can also help people out by letting them know how much they owe when the bill comes. Sometimes it's just that people lack good math skills and don't how to calculate a proper tip.
So, update to the party this weekend:
I never sent a formal invite - what our group of friends typically uses as a form of inviting are E-vites. Casual. *Unless its for something like big functions: weddings, baby showers, that kind of thing.
Anyway - Though people said they were going to come, some ended up not showing. We ended up being a group of 20. 3 people came 1.5 hour late. *i was so annoyed. LMAO
What I ended up doing was having the food set up family style. Set price per person ($40 + unlimited wine) for TONS of food. Everyone ended up paying $60 a person with tax and gratuity and all of that.
My husband and I ended up paying for ourselves and the birthday guy. *his girlfriend made it clear that she needed us to pay for him. We bought him his birthday cake, we also ended up covering the extra $$ that people rang up after the check was closed because they charged shots and stuff to the table. *rude, yes. Im over them. LOLOL
All in all, it didnt go as bad as I expected.
Um...his girlfriend made it clear that she needed you to pay for him???
Glad you didn't get horribly screwed but still, you paid for way more than necessary.
I had friends like this in college - they would always "pay" for themselves, but that meant if they got a salad that was $5.99 and a soda that was $1.50, they would chip in $8. Tax and tip didn't exist in their world. And then we'd always be short, and make a big deal of saying "Hey guys, we don't have enough money to pay the tax and tip. Did everyone remember to include that?" and they would never say a peep or give any more. Gah, I hated going out with them!
**another funny story about them that is sorta related...we used to go to this male strip club for birthdays :-) and they would NEVER tip the strippers. The guys would come over to our table, and these girls would get up and dance with them like the guys were there to just dance cuz they liked them or something. And the strippers would be hanging around forever waiting for these girls to give them something because they had been dancing with them in a speedo-thong for so damn long, but the girls would just keep dancing all oblivious. My other friends and I would feel so bad for the guys that we would go over to them and stick a few bucks in their undies on behalf of our stingy friends.
Yea, I'm with Danielle...what's up with his girlfriend needing you to pay for him?!? =/
I'm glad everything worked out ok. Unfortunately, there are all types in this world and some may be your friends. =/
Yes, she kept saying how she was "just a college student". I got the blatant "hint" and had no problem paying. He's my husband's best friend, but I felt she should have been prepared to help me somehow. She also tried to get me to reduce her and her friend's portion of the bill because they only had one drink and it didnt seem fair. *The meal was $60 with unlimited wine, so it didnt matter what it drank. She just wanted to pay like $30 a piece for them. LMAO!
As for your friends (sounds like we know the same kind of people), OMG!! I cant believe they got the dances from the strippers and didnt want to pay up. Scandalous but really hilarious.
I keep telling my husband that if I cut off any more people, it will just be him, me and the chihuahua. LOL.
I admit that for so long I tolerated my friends laziness (giving 25% when I give 200%) and quirks, but had to really sit still for a moment to think about if it was fair to me. And for the most part, it never has been. So, I cut the bulk of them out - and Im feeling 10X better. I had tried to talk to them about it, but they got defensive/blamed me - so, I wasnt willing to put up with it.
I just have to meet new people.
I agree -- I hate people who don't think that paying their own way is the default. I assumed that through my and my husband's, er, courtship.
As far as types of invitations, I think if it's a formal, paper invitation to a restaurant that usually means it's paid for by the host, but anything else you should assume you're paying for yourself. And tipping! I have friends who think a dollar on ANY bill is okay tipping. Needless to say, they never worked as a waiter or waitress.
I could go on a crazy rant about people who think that others should pay for them, but then my head might explode right here at my work desk.
I totally sympathize. One of the best things I ever did was sort through my "friends" and drop the ones not worth the effort. Huge weight off of me. Good luck with yours.