This entire entry is about my boyfriend's mother. She's never liked me, and its now worse than ever. First off I'll give some history. My boyfriend is 21, I'm 20. We're both juniors in college. We've been dating since our freshmen year, and living together since May. I realize we're young, but we're very happy together and have settled into a nice foundation with each other.
My family background is traditional. I grew up going to only private schools, my parents are both 54 and fairly well established, and my sister is nearly 28 and soon to be engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years. My entire family, including my future BIL, are incredibly close.
As for my boyfriend's: his mother just turned 39. His father (not biological, but adoptive) is 43. He has 2 younger sisters, 9 and 13. They are more unconventional and don't have very nice things, although they make double what my parents do. His grandparents played more of a role of parents to him, as they are closer in age to my parents than his mother, and far more mature than her.
Here is where the problems begin. First there's money. For the first 2 years we were in school his mother persistently held money above his head. Saying that he should come home more because she pays for his school. Then, this past summer, she had told him he would need to get loans because they were having problems, he complied. However, when we went to school to talk to the aid office, we discovered she took out roughly $20,000 in his name without telling him, or his grandparents. When confronted a few weeks after we found out, she claimed she "didn't know they were loans", which is a complete lie. In addition, she has threatened to cut him off several times. Also, ever since we began dating, my parents have bought our food and necessities. She's never offered, and when we moved in he asked for 50 dollars a month for help, she snappily denied. He reminded her about 10 times to pay for a $600 summer course, which she assured him would be taken care of, even reminding her the day before it was due. My mom ended up paying for the course. She was upset, and claimed she forgot and was so sorry, but never offered to reimburse anyone, much less ask who ended up paying for it. There's more, but I think you get the jest.
My family has given up everything in order to help us. My parents saved like crazy for my college and were able to even pay for my first 2 years so I would have something left when I graduated. We go to school 30 minutes from my parents house, a little over an hour from his. My sister also lives in the town where we go to school, so when we decided to move in together my dad found a duplex and bought it for us, even though he and my mom had just finished paying off their house and were debt free. My bf and I live there rent free because my parents know what's going on. When it came time to move in, his mother was beyond rude and judgmental. To date, they've never visited our duplex. We had dinner plans once, only for them to cancel a few hours before. Later that night my bf received a drunken text from his mom saying that his dad was going to get lucky. We later found out they went out drinking with their friends instead.
The worst of the worst is this: my bf knew since he was 12 that his dad was not his biological father, but never said anything to keep the peace. Its the type of person he is and he just never wants to hurt anyone. He brought this up to his grandmother this summer, who informed his parents, his dad wanted to talk with us, alone. On his way to meet with us his mother threatened to divorce him, in front of their 2 other children. His father still came and talked. A few weeks later my bf called his mother. He said to her about 5-7 times in a half hour conversation he wanted to know NOTHING about his biological father. She proceded to tell him that his father/grandparents never wanted him and that he was a product of date rape. We, of course, think this is a lie, given his mother's track record. It was just so uncalled for when he had made it perfectly clear he didn't want to know.
She tries to contact now and then, but needless to say the relationship is very torn, and my bf, nor I, really want to mend it.
My question is this, what do we do from here???? We're looking at getting engaged before graduating and are terrified of how she'll react. Any advice is appreciated, and like I said, I could go on for several more paragraphs if anyone is interested in more details.
Thanks! 
wegnaj24:
Re: wegnaj24, you dropped something