i feel bad

wasgrl18

I've always been really big on the holidays and I feel bad because I feel like my mom gets left out since I got married. There is drama between some of my in-laws and my mom so my mom isn't totally welcome to family functions and none of my moms family lives close enough to get together and do anything and i feel like I should make time for us to spend with her on thanksgiving but I don't know how. Any advice?

iwaly889

Your mom is still your family, and you can have family functions with just you, DH, and your mom.  There's no reason why you have to combine his extended family with yours at the holidays if that would be awkward or if everyone doesn't get along.  Have Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other, or split the day so that each side gets their turn for an afternoon or evening celebration.  You can even have celebrations on days that aren't the actual holiday - spend Thanksgiving with one family on Thursday, then re-create Thanksgiving dinner again with the other family over the weekend.  There are lots of ways you can work your schedule so that you can see both families at the holidays without having to see everyone together as a group.  And IMO, your mom should not be short-changed on the holidays just because you doesn't have any other family nearby.  Even though there is only one of her, she deserves equal status as your DH's family in your holiday scheduling.

wasgrl18

Thanks Yeah last year we did the whole huge thanksgiving thing with his family and then my mom came over and we went through pictures and christmas decorations. For christmas my mom and little sister came over christmas morning to open presents before we did the all day marathon with both sets of my husbands grandparents. I just wish the few people in his family who have issues with my mom would get over but I have a feeling its not gonna happen

JonathansMommi2010

I think that with your mom being family that she should be included in holiday gatherings and you need to let your in laws know that she is your mother and you will invite her to things and if they do not like it they do not have to come.

flwboe

I agree with PPs, she's your mom and your family. She does still deserve to have that holiday time. I know it makes it easier to just throw everyone together, but that isn't always the case. You do need to make sure that you set aside time for your mom, instead of trying to get her to tag along on you ILs holidays. Your ILs are not her family, they are yours. If they don't get along, even more reason why you need to be making the separation between spending time with his family and your family. It does sound like things are a bit skewed, in favor of your DH's side, leaving your mom as more of an after thought.

iwaly889

JonathansMommi2010:

I think that with your mom being family that she should be included in holiday gatherings and you need to let your in laws know that she is your mother and you will invite her to things and if they do not like it they do not have to come.

No, the OP's mom is HER family; not her in-laws' family.  There is no reason why her in-laws need to invite her mom to their family gatherings.

Alishanyc

Personally, I would never tolerate anyone making my mother feel unwelcome.

I would have a function at my home for the holidays and tell everyone that they are invited. Whoever has the issue with mom can feel free not to attend.

Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down.

 

WA1215

Alishanyc:

Personally, I would never tolerate anyone making my mother feel unwelcome.

I would have a function at my home for the holidays and tell everyone that they are invited. Whoever has the issue with mom can feel free not to attend.

Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down.

 

Ditto this.

We split Thanksgiving day (early dinner around noon at my family then a later dinner around 6 at the ILs).  Then for Christmas, spend Xmas eve with the ILs and Christmas day with my family.  DH always goes to see his mom later in the afternoon on Christmas day while I stay with my family.  This is how we do it and it works out perfectly.