Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My Needs
My husband is very affectionate. He always tells me he loves me and is very encouraging. But sometimes I feel like my needs aren't as pressing to him as his. If he wants to do something, then I make sure we do and I don't make him wait unless I'm super tired or something of course. But when I'm in the mood, he waits and often falls asleep or waits until I'm too tired. It makes me feel like he forgets.
Am I being too sensitive? I haven't been married very long, so what do some of you more experienced women have to say? I feel guilty when I feel tense the next day, especially when he's in a great mood.
Re: My Needs
How are you telling him your needs? If I'm really in the mood, I usually jump my husband. He gets the message. Of course, there have been a handful of times where I've been super ready when he hasn't been interested and I understand.
So, I'd recommend being bold. Like walking into the room naked, looking him directly in the eye, and saying "I want you in the bedroom right now."
I have jumped him! Sometimes I'll start a little down-below stimulation and he'll move my hand sometimes. I usually just tell him I'm really in the mood today/tonight and he'll say ok or something like that. I mean, he is often doing something when I mention it, so maybe that makes a difference.
There are plenty of times when we both are in the mood, but I feel like we only do it if he's really in the mood. It feels like it's less focused on my desire. Do you think I'm being too sensitive and focusing on these times rather than the times we're in sync?
Also, I feel like DH doesn't like me touching him down below very much unless he wants a bj. He'll move my hand like I'm going to hurt him or something.
I have had this problem. But what I found works for me is that I talked to him. And told him we need to focus on us time more often than doing our own thing.
Of course I feel like I'm the one always initiating, even though he does surprise me some nights. I joke with him sometimes that I feel like I'm the "man" in the relationship with it comes to wanting sex.
If your husband isn't up for sex there is always self-pleasure. It is known for releasing tension.
I would talk to him. DH and I have found just talking about sex and what we like is making us closer and more intimate. Since starting to talk more, our sex has gotten even better. We decided together that this is an important aspect of our relationship and right now will be the most time we have to enjoy each other before kids take over our time. Like the pp, we decided that having husband/wife time together should come before watching tv, playing on the computer, and other things that we do that may not be strengthening our relationship.
@manda
I think he doesn't take it as personally as I do. We have been under a lot of extra stress lately so I can't say he's being totally unfair. But it does feel like he ignores it.
Also, side question for you. How intimate were your dh's previous relationships? I really think that might affect how he acts now.
Have you had this very conversation with him?
Explained to him, just like you did in your OP, how you love how affectionate he is to you outside of the bedroom but feel he could be more attentive to your needs in the bedroom?
As cliche as it may sound, there's a reason people emphasize how important communication is in a relationship.
It can solve sooo many problems.
Just came across this post,Glad it worked out for you.