Family Issues re: Holidays. Please advise.

skittleblu

I live in IL and so does my husband's family.  I'm from WI and thats where my family is as well.  DH and I have been together 6 years and we've always had Thanksgiving with his family here in IL and had Christmas with them the week BEFORE Christmas.  We then travel up to WI to have actual Christmas with MY family.

This year, my mother in law has requested our presence at HER house on Christmas day.  Do I have to say yes?  I don't want to.  I want to keep doing it the way we've always done it.  Am I supposed to switch off and travel one year and not the next year?

TheWop

Honestly if it were me, I would tell her that's not going to work (actually I would have my DH tell her). You have had a pretty good system for 6 years and to be fair, you don't really want to change it.  Plus if you did it her way you would be skipping both Thanksgiving and Christmas with your family, that's not really fair IMHO.  Could you invite her to your family Christmas celebration?  I'm not sure  how many people are involved in his family's Christmas, but that's an option if she insists she see you two on Christmas day.  Or do you have the space to host both families?  You could always have people come your way if you have a big enough house. 

tnrb

You are not obligated to change your plans.  Let her know that you already have your travel and holiday plans in place for this year.  If you feel compelled to mix things up, talk to your mom about swapping thanksgiving and Christmas next year.  If that plan works for you and your family, swap up things for next year.  If it does not, stick with what you have in place!

MKESweetie

You're never obligated to attend a family event. I do, though, see her point in wanting to see you on Christmas day. If my H saw his parents every year on Christmas and I had to celebrate Christmas a week early with my family I would be sad and I think my family would be too. 

Maybe it's too late to change your long standing routine right now, but I do think you should consider it in the future. JMO.

chardonnay24

I would just tell her that your holiday travel plans have been made already, but you are willing to switch up the routine next year (assuming that you are willing to switch up the routine).

jobiann

chardonnay24:

I would just tell her that your holiday travel plans have been made already, but you are willing to switch up the routine next year (assuming that you are willing to switch up the routine).

This!

EastCoastBride

First step is that your DH and you need to sit down and talk about this.  What does he think? What does he want to do (past "my mommy wants us there")?  WOuld HE like to spend Christmas Day w/ his family?

You all talk, figure this stuff out, then move forward.  If he's on the same page as you - he likes what you all do - then you're good.  HE can tell his mom "I'll miss you too- but this is waht works for us."  or "We need to spend one holiday w/ her family" or whatever.

Even if you dont' change things this year (and really, to put this out there NOW, when I doubt you really can/want to juggle things to try and go to WI for Thanksgiving is unfair on her part), talk about future years.  WOuld your DH like to start switching holidays?  Next year t-giving w/ your family, X0mas w/ his.