Same-Sex Households
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
helloo-ooo-ooo-ooo
As it gets closer to Thanksgiving, we've been trying to navigate the perils of family gatherings. Can we skip Xmas at my aunt's since the trip will cost us $1000 or will she think we're still mad at her for refusing to come to our wedding? How many days should we stay at my mom's for Thanksgiving? Are we finally grown up enough to have a holiday celebration of our own?
What are your plans for the holidays?
Re: helloo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Well, *are* you still mad?
Are there going to be a lot of people there who you'd like to see? Is it a traditional gathering and there's precedent that you're expected to be there? $1000 is a lot of money to go to a gathering you're not superly excited to go to - and you probably have a right to still be a little mad that she refused to go to your wedding! I'd say call and give a nice apology about the excessive cost and skip it, unless you'd really enjoy going or there's a whole lot of family pressure from others also.
For Thanksgiving we'll go to my sister's home in MA and spend it with her family and her in-laws. They're our only family within driving distance (plus I'm really close to my sister), so it's what we've done for the last several years. And we just traveled to see everyone last week for our wedding, so... For Christmas we'll be at my sister's again, only minus her in-laws and plus my parents. And then mid-week after Christmas we'll fly to WI to spend a few days with my DW's family. Even though we've been together for 6 1/2 years, last year was the first Christmas that we spent together. Last year we did the opposite split, where we spent Christmas with her family and then spent a few days around New Year's with my family. I'm not looking forward to this balancing act in the future, but so far I think we've been able to agree on good compromises.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
(1) You can totally have a holiday celebration of your own. If that's what you guys want, do it.
(2) Will there be other relatives at your aunt's you're dying to see? I think that if it's honestly about the money, she should understand that $1,000 is a lot to spend. It's the reason we don't go see my family during the holidays.
(3) We always have Thanksgiving as "our" holiday. Sometimes my sister will come visit, but normally it's just us. We wouldn't mind if others came, but right now we just don't have the space for it. Either way, we don't go anywhere for Thanksgiving. For Christmas, we've done it a couple of different ways. We've each gone to see our own families, which we both hated. Last year we went to the MIL's, which was okay. I went to see my family the day after and DW came home because she had to work. This year we're going to the MIL's again, but I'm not going to see my family until February. Whether or not DW can come in Feb. is still a question. I would kind of rather not go to the MIL's for Christmas this year, but we're doing it anyway. I don't really have a valid reason for not wanting to go, I just being bratty. I'm hoping next year we can go see my family for Christmas.
(4) As for the # of days you spend at your mom's for Thanksgiving, it just depends. How far away is she? How many days were you thinking about staying? Is there some kind of expectation she's trying to hold you to?
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Wow, thanks for the advice. I was mostly venting and didn't expect to get helpful feedback. You guys are awesome.
I think we're going to skip Christmas at my aunt's this year. It was a really hard decision b/c I'm trying to rebuild a relationship with her and my whole family will be there. Christmas is my favorite holiday, so I'm sad. And a bit irritated. My aunt insisted on hosting this year, even though the rest of the family lives 3000 miles away. But it would have been a stressful trip and we're in the process of buying a house. There are lots of house-related things I'd rather spend that money on.
It's great to hear examples of how other couples balance two families during the holidays. In the past we've spent Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with my wife's so this year will be our first time doing both holidays on our own. My mom invited her homophobic inlaws this year, so we're skipping out of Thanksgiving and just going up for the weekend after. I feel guilty, but I think it'll be a good experiment.