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Mother!
Dear Mom,
I have been trying to compete for your love ever since I was a little girl. Well, I am now a grown woman and will no longer be trying. It might have taken me until I was an adult with children of my own, but I have finally realized I can not get you to love me like a mother should love her child.
I can never forgive you for what you did at my wedding this year. You said two things to me the whole day. "I thought they were going to reserve two tables?" and "Come and get your envelopes, we are leaving." Would it of hurt you to tell me I looked nice, or hugged me and told me you were happy for me? You hurt me so bad. But, nothing will compare to the way you have treated my 14 year old. You remember her don't you? Your granddaughter.
How can a grandmother write off her own granddaughter. She is only 14 years old. How do you think this makes her feel? All because her friend and your granddaughter were taking silly pictures of themselves and posted them on facebook, and one was your granddaughter giving the finger. So what - they are teenagers, and they do stupid things.
I should be happy I don't have to be around you anymore and feel the heartache you have given me since I was a young child. But I feel so deeply hurt, not so much for myself, but for my teenage daughter. How do you think it makes her feel that you invite her own sister to gatherings, and put on her facebook page how much you love her and how great she is? Do you even care at all? You have created so much pain in her eyes that I have seen in my own when I was her age.
Well, this is me - telling you. I will be there for her, and I will try to let her know the best I can that she is so extremely special. And I will also be there for her to try to mend the pain you have caused and continue to cause to her. How dare you do this to my child. Shame on you.
This is me telling you goodbye. We don't need you, and we will be much happier without you hurting us anymore.
Sincerely,
Me
Re: Mother!
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughters.
Thank you!
Unfortunately .... my oldest is 22, and she goes over there. I wish I could tell her not too, but she wants to go. She is being treated wonderfully. Which hurts my youngest even more, and also makes me even more angry.
Have you talked to your older daughter about the situation and explained how it makes her sister feel?
I have. Her reply was that her grandmother has never done anything to her, why should she write her off? As much as I wish that she would tell her where to stick it.....I guess she is an adult, and she is going to do what she wants. She knows I am not happy with it.
My oldest feels like she is in the middle. And I guess she is.
I am upset though that I asked my oldest if her and her boyfriend wanted to come over for Thanksgiving, and she told me that her grandmother already asked her and she said yes.
This.
I would add that you can't ban her from seeing her grandmother. She's an adult who can make those decisions for herself. What you could point out, though, is that she is putting herself in the middle of drama. Your mother will likely try to get information from your 22 year old daughter about you, or could just outright bad-mouth you to her.
If you want to say something to your daughter, you might want to request that you would appreciate her not discussing this situation with her grandmother. "If grandma asks about us or starts talking negatively about us, I would appreciate it if you not engage her in that conversation." In the same way, don't ask about grandma either, or what she's saying. Be the model.
A 22 year old in the middle of drama might also get it in her head that she's going to solve this family matter. You may want to preemptively say that your decision is not up for discussion.