Holidays
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Staying Home for Holidays for 1st Time
My husband and I have decided not to travel across the country for Christmas for the first time in the five years since we have lived in CA. Both of our parents (and my brother and his wife) live on the east coast and though this is only our second Christmas married, we have traveled back the last four years. We do not own a house, so it really is not reasonable to ask everyone to come to CA for Christmas...but we have decided to stay home this year. Now we have the task of telling our parents. His parents could handle the truth - we would spend a lot on plane tickets, a rental car and the cost of boarding our dog (which we didn't have in years past) and I travel a lot for my job (to the east coast) and would appreciate a relaxing holiday this year. My parents cannot handle that - so we're thinking of telling them something to soften the blow (i.e. coming up with a reason that is not going to sound so selfish) Are we being terrible? How would you tell your mother (mine is going to cry 
) and what advice do you have for handling it all?
) and what advice do you have for handling it all?
Re: Staying Home for Holidays for 1st Time
I wouldn't go into a lengthy explanation. The less you say, the less they have to argue.
"Unfortunately we won't be seeing you for Christmas this year. We've decided that we're going to stay here for the holidays".
They'll ask "why", you just say that it's what works best for you and DH this year. At most, I would say "We have a lot going on and this is what works for us.".
She cries? Empathize, tell her you'll miss her too, whatever. perhaps try to throw out a "I'll be out there again in ___ so it won't be long before I see you" or what have you.
But if she really just goes off w/ crying, just say "Well, I'm going to let you go for now. I know your upset. I'll give you some time to digest the news. I'll talk to you soon.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I was in somewhat of the same situation. My husband and I are from Colorado... our entire family is out there- we currently live in Austin (been here for going on three years now). The past two years we went back home and spent the holidays with them. Although, this year it just isn't feasible- we would like to save money for other trips besides just going back to Colorado and hubs doesn't get a lot of vacation days as is. So we made the decision to celebrate the holidays here... sans family.
My family took it ok. They understand money doesn't grow on trees and we are "big kids"... we can do what we want
For advice: ditto what pp said. She said it perfectly.
Hope it all goes well!
Brilliant!
Thank you for giving me such thoughtful, great advice. I really needed to hear that and I am just so glad that everyone who replied said something positive rather than 'actually, you are being super selfish so just go home'
So today my mom point-blank said 'What are your Christmas plans? I'm surprised you haven't sent me your flight information" and I was forced into the conversation. She is pretty upset, but she took it fairly well - considering.
The truth is, I see her about six-eight times a year because I am lucky enough to travel to their hometown on business fairly often. As selfish as it feels to miss the holiday, I know it would be just as selfish on her part to make us feel guilty about it. I'll be home three weeks before Christmas and again three weeks after. Her only response to that part was 'but it's Christmas'
Why are the holidays so rough?? (not really a question) SIGH
Thank you so much!
My H's family and my family are all in Kansas and we live in Carolina. We've been married 5 years and rarely go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
We both work 80 hrs/wk and the holidays are the only time we have to relax and spend time together. Our moms pouted about it at first, but it didn't phase me. I looove spending Christmas day with my H and the pup. We eat pie for breakfast, go for a hike, see a movie, and cook dinner together. No stress! I don't feel guilty at all.