Need some Advice

wishonastar01

Hello all.  This is my first official post here.  To give some background: I once was on the nest a long long time ago when I was planning a wedding.  Since then, I have divorced and have found my true love.  I have always lurked, but never posted as was worried the ex would read what I had to say; therefore the new login.

 Anyway, here is my question.  Over the past few months, my partner and I have been talking about having kids.  We both really want and while we are still a couple of years away, I like things planned out.   I started to look through information, but am truly clueless at what to do.  I am a check-list sorta girl and feel like the only ones I can find out there do not apply to me.  So....for those of you who are TTC or already have - how did you get know how to go through this process?  I am open to any advice.

 If it helps - I am in the midwest - not sure if location mattered.
Thank you!!!!

Mrs._F

First of all, welcome!

Second of all - get thee to a bookstore! There are some great books available to you with tons of information perfect for making all those checklists

I recommend: 
-The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by Rachel Pepper
-The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth by Stephanie Brill

These books take you through allll the details of TTC and include lists of sperm banks and other resources.  HTH!

2brides

Those are great books.  I'd also recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  It isn't geared to lesbians, but is a great book on understanding your body and fertility.

The process can be overwhelming, but oh-so-worth it in the end!

 Good luck!

Alison
mom to Grayson and Carter (5.18.06)
 

 

2brides

Oh, and how we went through the process:

We decided to use a sperm bank since I was too worried about having a known donor (I was worried that he would want to be too involved in the kids life (ie third parent)) We chose Fairfax Cryobank since at the time we lived 15 minutes from there and we could pick it up and save shipping (and of course it was reputable and they had donors with the characteristics we desired (coloring like my partner and no significant health concerns.) We decided that I'd get pregnant since I my partner is older and has some health issues.

We tried for 2 months at home doing ICIs (2 vials per month) with no result and then moved on to IUI (interuterine inseminations) with the Reproductive Endocrinologist.  It took 7 tries with Clomid, injectable medication, and lots of monitoring - but in the end we ended up with beautiful twin boys.

 You and your partner can start talking about if you want a known vs unknown donor, who will carry, what you are looking for in a donor, etc.  it is an exciting process!
 

thiswillbe

Welcome/welcome back!

The books suggested above are a good place to start. In addition to that, once you have thought about which one of you would want to carry (or in what order, if you're both interested), it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to have a thorough physical and a chat with your gyn. There may be things (e.g., in my case, PCOS) that would factor into your decision about when to start ttc.

And don't be shy about asking questions on here! As I'm sure you have surmised from lurking, we are a very friendly and helpful group.

bluedaisyus

welcome! i don't really have a lot to add in terms of books to check out (other than to say the suggestions already given are great), but i'd like to suggest that you and your partner think about starting a baby fund now. the process can be very expensive, so if you're planning on starting in the next few years and can afford it, put a little away in a savings account every paycheck that's just for this purpose. it can help relieve a lot of stress later on--and it could also help appease the planner in you.

good luck, and hope to see you around more often!

wishonastar01

I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice.  I have to say I saw book recommendations and silently jumped (I'm an English teacher, so the idea of buying another book was exciting...yes I am a nerd).

 Again thanks for the advice and I am sure we will have a TON more.  We do know that I will carry.  My partner has had some medical issues in the past and basically she is not able to carry.  Starting the baby fund now is also a great idea.  Would anyone be willing to share how much just the process to get pregnant was? (I do realize this can vary per couple)

 Thanks again - it's nice being back and posting.  I have really missed it.

2brides

Pricing is going to depend on the method you choose (ICI at home vs IUI with a doc), your insurance plan, and how long it takes to get pregnant.

 For us (this is based on 2005 pricing):

We figured we spent about $14,000 to get pregnant.  This included 2 months of trying at home, 7 months of trying with the RE with monitoring/bloodwork, 18 vials of sperm, all medication (I did get my Follistim (2 months worth) for free since I had a friend who was the drug rep), and co-pays.  Of course I had NO insurance coverage and it was all out of pocket.

But we got a 2 for 1 deal and it was so worth it!
 

 

Mrs._F

Just to give you an idea of prices, at the sperm banks that I have looked into, one vial of sperm runs from $300-$500 (depending on the bank, and whether you want anonymous or identity release).  One vial gets you one insem.  And then you need to factor in shipping (can be $100 for shipping and tank to hold the sperm), and any additional medical costs if you are not going to do it at home.  There is also a fee to set up an account at the bank, and additional fees for expanded profiles of donors.  Add in pregnancy tests, OPKs if you are using them as well.

wishonastar01

Holy Baby Buckets!  I knew it was an expensive process but had NO idea it could cost that much.  This may have just turned into a 7 year plan

 
Thanks to all of you for the advice - I will still check out the books.