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I'm really struggling - WWCND?
This ought to liven up the board....NOT. I've posted before that I've had miscarriages - 4 to be exact. So, now I have to make a decision and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to do it. I don't want you to tell me what to do (or do I?). I'm just interested in hearing your thought processes. My options and their respective costs are as follows:
a) continue to TTC on my own (financially almost free, but very emotionally costly to me)
b) IVF with my own eggs (about $15K)
cake) IVF with donor eggs (about $21K)
your mom) adoption (through the county it would be $11K but they only place 4-5 healthy infants a year so I think I would be waiting forever. The one adoption agency I talked to quoted me $35K (holy SHIIIIIT!) and I have left messages with 2 others).
The thing is, I don't necessarily like any of my options - there is really no slam dunk for me. My husband is pretty much OK with all options but he's very iffy on IVF with my eggs because they are likely the problem.
In case you need my stats, they are: 35 y.o. , FSH is 7.2, LH is 5.5, E2 is 24.7. I've had all the tests and the only thing that's wrong with me is that I miscarry (miscarriages at ages 32, 33, 34 and 35) and my FSH and LH aren't the same (though I can't find any information about that). I have had chromosomal testing on 2 of the pregnancies - one was abnormal (a spontaneous abnormality which probably happened during egg division), one was normal.
If this were your situation, what would you do?
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
Re: I'm really struggling - WWCND?
Oh man. I don't even know. Second opinions? Surrogacy? I wouldn't do egg donation IVF, I'd adopt if that was my option.
Is there a way to determine if it's the eggs that are definitely causing the problem or if you just cannot carry a pregnancy to term? (Excuse my ignorance if this is a stupid question.) I think that would have a bearing on my choice between cake and your mom.
Regardless, I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you.
Yeah, I'm not sure what those numbers mean in relation to carrying a baby full term. It's such a personal choice... so hard for me to even speculate what I would do, let alone advise anyone else what to do. But, my mom was adopted, so I always had it in my head that if I couldn't have my own children that I would adopt. I hate to say that it's the "sure bet", but if/when it comes down to money and you're ponying up either 15-35K, the adoption route is the only one that guarantees a bebeh.
Sorry you're going through this lady.
I'm really not into surrogacy. If it got to that point, I would certainly lean towards adoption.
I'm interested to hear why you wouldn't do egg donation. It is something that has been so hard for me. The logical, rational person in me is screaming at me to do egg donation - the likelihood of success is so much higher. But, the emotional person in me is sad and hesitant at that option.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
I don't think there is a good test of egg quality. All the stats I listed were measures of egg quantity. We THINK it's my eggs because, well, I miscarry. If I did IVF with my eggs, they would do a test called PGD (pre-genetic determination) on the embryos. They could detect chromosmal abnormalities, but I have had a miscarriage that was chromosomally normal, so I don't know how much that would help.
In short, there is no way of knowing if something will work until you try. I just don't want to be a science experiement.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
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From what I understand, there is no way to know if I will continue to miscarry unless I keep trying things. Like, if i got preg. with donor eggs and still miscarried, then it is a clue that it's not my eggs, or not just my eggs.
I am sort of tempted to do the low tech route and continue to try on my own (bc I get preg. relatively quickly) for a set amount of time, all the while pursuing adoption. But, I have come to freaking hate pregnancy, even though it's something I seem to want so badly.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you guys. Like everyone else has said, it's a situation where you don't really know how you'll react until it's happening to you. I'm leaning toward adoption. The iffyness of whether IVF will work out, after all the stuff you have to go through to have it, makes me shy away from it. And also, I can't even handle hormonal birth control without becoming a nightmare, so I can only imagine how the various treatments would mess with me.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. What does your doctor recommend? Would your finances allow you to do more than one option? If so, I would likely try IVF with my own eggs (if I'm carrying a baby, then it's my own genetic material), then adoption if that doesn't work. But, I don't know for sure because I'm not in that position to make a real life decision. A friend of mine did two rounds of IVF and then decided to adopt. But she had to first get herself to a place where she didn't view adoption as a consolation prize - for her, that took therapy.
I think it's just such a personal decision, that you've got to just go with your gut. I would also say that my friend needed to do the ivf first so that she wouldn't have 'what ifs'. She wanted to fully explore the option of bearing a child herself before she could go to plan c.
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I like the idea of this route, but I worry about the emotional toll it could take on you. And also, I think hating pregnancy makes sense, based on your experiences with it thus far. Have you considered talking to someone about all this? Some sort of fertility counselor or something? That might help you work through your feelings about what the next move should be.
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
I have no advice, but I'm trying to think what I would do if I were in your shoes. I think what you mentioned of staying with the low-tech route while pursuing adoption would probably be the way I'd go.
The troubles you are going through suck gigantic donkey balls. I'm sorry you're facing this decision, and I wish you the best with whatever you decide.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I'm sorry you are going through this, I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes.
I have a good friend who has problems with egg quality and miscarriages. There's some fertility clinic in Colorado that is the best in the country, she's gone for a workup and will probably go back to for IVF because apparently they can do lots of testing prior to transfer that many other clinics can't do. If you are going to spend the $, might as well go with the best.
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm not sure what I would do, but I'm leaning towards the adoption route.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Can you get a 2nd opinion? Does your doc have any hunches about where the problem was? Is there anything you can do to make your womb less "hostile" to see if that's the problem?
I'd be tempted to just keep trying b/c you do get pregnant easily, but the emotional side has got to suck. If you kept trying would you get more answers if it wasn't working?
I'm sorry I don't have a good answer and this is happening to you. Lots of TP for your tree.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
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No one has mentioned this, and I don't know how they would test for it. But, I have a phone consult with my RE today and I have added that to my list of questions.
I never really thought of it that way. I mean, a child that I conceived with donor eggs would need me, but only because I created that child to need me. I like your perspective on this.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
My RE recommends doing IVF with my eggs first, and if that doesn't work, use donor eggs. And if that doesn't work, he recommends surragacy (Sp?).But, as my SIL (who is an OB and who has struggled with IF) reminded me, he is offering those options because those are the only options HE can offer me. Those are all the tools in his tool box. I have to take his recommendations with a grain of salt.
As far as getting a second opinion, I don't know if that would really help me. My clinic is actually very reputable nationwide (in Reno even, who knew). I don't know that there are any more tests that could be done. I am just not easy to diagnose without doing more invasive stuff, like trying IVF (because it's a more controlled system).
As finances go, we don't have insurance coverage for IVF, but have a $5,000 FSA with my husband (available Jan. 1), and I could opt for $6,000 FSA with my benefits (which wouldn't be available to me until July 1). We do have money in savings and no debt, so we are prepared to pay for one round of something. Two rounds is doable, but feels borderline irresponsible. I feel all this pressure to pick the one thing that is guaranteed to work and that causes me lots of anxiety. I think I need to let go of that because it's not doing me any good.
I am actually surprised with myself for not jumping on adoption. I was sold on it until I talked to the agency that quoted me $11K for a homestudy and $35K for an adoption. I flipped my shiiit. I am fairly certain I can find a more reasonably priced agency.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't imagine how hard this must be, and I completely understand how getting pregnant isn't the thrilling thing it used to be.
Just out of curiosity, have they tested for the more common things that cause miscarriages? Like low Prog in early pregnancy? Clotting disorders, like MTHFR? I'm just wondering how they/you decided it was an egg issue.
If I were in your shoes I would probably keep doing a, while saving up for a round of b, and if neither of those worked, I'd skip to your mom. Whatever you decide, good luck.
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Yes, I have been poked and prodded like a mofo. I seriously don't know what other tests could be done. I am perfectly healthy, which I know is good news, but also a little frustrating.
11/11/11 = 5 years. Woah!
Sorry to butt in here but I was lurking and saw your post. Have you had blood testing done for MTHFR or anticardiolipin antibodies testing?
ETA: NM just saw Meegs asked you this. Have they tested your ovarian reserve through an AMH blood test?
I have a friend going through the same thing. She gets pregnant easily but miscarries. They decided to try one more time and then adopt. Although they are looking at international adoption because they are both of mixed race and would ideally like a child of similar mixed race.
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy