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Q for those who go to church
What do you think of young kids in church? What if they are noisy? Don't sit still?
For the past couple years I've toyed with the idea of going to a certain local church. I researched a few and one seems like a good fit for me (I have very specific beliefs on same-sex marriage, etc, that I'm not willing to compromise on and I've found a local church that supports the things I feel strongly about).
I actually tried going once before- I put my son down to sleep in his stroller and brought him in sleeping, but of course he woke up right away and was miserable and I left 20 minutes in to it and never went back because I was embarrassed.
He's a year and a half older now but unfortunately not much better at sitting still and quiet. Will everyone else there be really annoyed if I work up the courage to go again and he's acting up? I figure with time he will learn to behave if I enjoy it and keep going, but who knows how long that will take?
Re: Q for those who go to church
Is there a church by you that has a daycare/Sunday school for children while you're in church? If not, I don't think anyone would fault you for giving it a try and bringing him back, and if he acts up you just take him outside before he becomes too disruptive. Just make sure to sit next to the aisle so you can make a break for it if needed.
This is the only church in town that fits my criteria. It does have a child program every second Sunday, but I don't feel able to just leave my son there, he'd freak out. I guess I can go every second week and when he acts up take him to the kids program until we start to feel more comfortable there and I know what they do with the kids and then maybe with time I can start to leave him there?
I attended a church for years where there was always children in the service and sometimes they were noisy and it wasn't a big deal. At that church there was a parent room where the children could play and there was a window to the sanctuary and the service was on the speakers (although I heard from many parents that everyone just talked). But the idea is that you still could hear the message.
Now we're at a church where there is little to no children in the service because they have an absolutely awesome kids program from birth -high school. It's a big church so there is a reader board and each child has a number so if the child is upset or we need to have the parents pick them up for whatever reason their number goes up on the board and the parents know to come get them.
But that being said many churches have an area of benches that are set aside for young families and you might get some cues from the other young families as to what is "acceptable" at that church. If you try it, do so for several weeks because often it's hard to get the whole vibe of a church in one visit. Another thing is I know some of my friends with toddlers have some toys/books that are only for church so that it's exciting to get to play with them then.
I hope it works out for you!
I think it is great that you are trying to go, and I think that it will definitely take some time for children to adjust to sitting quietly for so long. I don't think anyone will blame you for having to leave in the middle or go out of the sanctuary. At my church parents usually take their kids out when they start to fuss, and I know I don't even notice when they get up to leave. It is more noticeable when parents try to stick it out with a crying baby or toddler, because it makes it hard to hear what is being said.
Maybe you could try gradually building up the time that he has to sit quietly by going to other places where you need to be quiet, like the library. That way you could leave whenever you need to, and gradually stay for longer periods of time when he is ready. I also think bringing quiet books to church for the really little ones is a good idea, too. Like you said, he will eventually get used to it but it will take some time. He won't get used to it though, unless you try right?
Good luck! It is nothing to be embarrassed by, and I am sure people will understand.
The church we went to went I was younger, had a room with chairs and toys and a speaker so the moms could leave if their kids got fussy and not miss the sermon.
My Grandmothers church has a nursery with a big window so they can still see and speaker so you can still hear while you are in there. The person working in the room never minded moms coming in with kids.
I think, first of all, it's important to take your kid(s) consistently so that they get used to it, know what to expect, how to behave, etc.
There's no denying that taking kids, especially young ones, to church can be really stressful for the parents. When we're at church and the kids are giving us a hard time, I just tell myself that probably most everyone else there has been through it before and understands what it's like. Also I remind myself that whatever misbehaving they're doing is probably way more obvious and distracting for me than for the people around me. (I personally often get more distracted at church by other parents who fuss over or shush their kids too much, than by what the child themself was doing.)
If they're behaving really poorly, then we take them to the back. Unforunately our church doesn't have a nursery or cry room, and the back of the church/main foyer opens right into the sanctuary. It's not ideal in the least for when kids are screaming, but we like the church so we deal.
Things that help distract the kids are: bottles of milk or even soothers (when they're infants); cheerios or some other snack; a book or two from home; the hymnals from the pew. Now that DS is a bit older we actually sit as close to the front as possible; we find that him being able to see what's going on up front, instead of being surrounded by peoples backs, he actually sits and stays quiet better.
Ultimately, if you want to go to church and you're practicing common courtesy, you have every right to be there as much as the next church-goer. I think in general people are understanding, especially/hopefully in church.
So I emailed the church to ask this question and they reponded with a very polite message that they respect the developmental needs of children and it is unreasonable to expect that young children sit still and quiet, but that their children's program is only suited for 5 - 12 year olds. They encouraged me to come and provided names of babysitters I could hire if I wanted to do so.
So I guess that settles that... much of the reason I wanted to go was to provide my son with some religious education in case he felt a need for that when he was older. But that kind of defeats the purpose if he can't go. Weird... even though I knew people might be annoyed by a young kid I still assumed he'd be welcome.
You think from the email that he's not welcome? Hmm...that would really surprise me, to be honest. I don't know of any church that would prefer you to hire a babysitter if your child isn't old enough to attend the kids program. When you said that they said "they respect the developmental needs of children and it is unreasonable to expect that young children sit still and quiet" it sounded to me like they're understanding regarding small childrens needs to make some noise or move around.
Perhaps it'd be worth emailing back to clarify? But I still maintain that you and LO have a right to go to whatever church you please, and if people are bothered by it, that's their problem. Good luck, and don't give up if you really want to go!
No, it was very clear IMHO- here is an excerpt from it:
I would not expect your little one to be able to sit through an "adult" service. Though some kids can play quietly, many cannot, and it isn't fair to ask them to do that...
Unfortunately the youngest we can accommodate is preschoolers. We are in a relatively small space so we don't have the option of additional rooms. Depending on where you live, it is possible that one of our youth might be available as a babysitter for you for the church service - but this would be in your home and ultimately be your arrangement and cost. We have one other woman who attends sometimes who also has a toddler. It might be possible for the two of you to make some babysitting arrangements together to reduce cost.
That is kind of shocking to me if she did mean it that way. I am surprised that they would rather you not come, then come with a little one who may not be able to sit through the service.
Maybe she was offering you some alternatives to bringing him, because she thought that you were uncomfortable bringing him? I don't know, just a thought.
I still say try bringing him consistently so he starts to get used to it, and bring some things in case he gets fussy. I totally think you should not be embarrassed to go, and the people that don't understand obviously never dealt with a young child before. Just slip out if he gets really fussy.
Wow! I agree with this. My initial reaction would be to say, "screw it, i'm going anyway", but that sounds seriously unwelcoming! I know you said you had some specific requirements for a church, but I'm sure "unwelcome to children" isnt one of them. Keep looking; I assure you this is NOT the normal attitude of churches towards children.
My aunt has been called out at church more than once for bringing us and her little ones. She stood right up there when asked to leave because her son was crying and told the priest the exact quote that the previous poster mentioned. She also reminded the priest about all the Scriptures that deal with Jesus and his love for children.
She never stopped bringing her son because she is a deeply religious woman and would never think of missing a Sunday service.
She eventually did find a Church that was more welcoming for children because ultimately it came down to her wanting to be in a space that held the same values that she did.
It's a touchy situation. You have priests who complain that children don't go to church enough, yet at the same time, the children have to be able to sit through a sermon and not move.
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At the church that I go to (or should more often) there are almost more small children than adults, so a screaming 2 year old in the middle of a service is the norm
. It is understandable that little kids arent going to want to sit still for an hour (or more) in a quiet room with so many people around. A lot of churches that I have seen have rooms where you can take young kids to entertain them and settle them down until they are ready to go back in. I think it is definitely worth trying! Good luck!