Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Sisters engagement
Everytime you feel the urge to open your mouth and express your opinion on how your grown sister should lead her life. Keep your mouth shut.
The only time you should open your mouth is if she is doing something that puts her or someone elses life in danger.
BTW, it's pretty damned arrogant of you to assume that you know what's best for her.
I got married at 21, while still in school. Everyone decides their own future. Actually most of my friends who got married in their 30's are now divorced. They were too involved with their own lives and had a hard time adjusting. Everyone is different.
I hope that your sister is just as supported of your life choices as you are, because that is what matters with family- How close you are to family to be yourself.
Maybe that's what she wants....Some women still choose to be SAHW and SAHM. If that's what makes her happy (and her FI isn't a druggie/alcoholic/abusive) then it's her decision, and it doesn't matter WHAT you think and whether or not it would make YOU happy. Just because someone does something you wouldn't do, doesn't mean it is a bad choice. It might be exactly what she has always wanted.
You spoke your peace to your parents and her. You've been heard. Now it's time to shut your mouth and let it go. Even if it ends badly, there isn't anything else you can do.
Ditto this. That was the first thing that came to mind when I read the OP's post as well.
DUP
Perhaps so, but unfortunately this isn't up to you. Your sister is going to have to learn every step of this along the way, on her own. You don't have to agree with her choice but you have to support it.
As someone else said, if she is making a mistake it's her mistake to make. Only she can be the one to nip it in the bud.
Here's a thought...Mind your own business!!!
Just because you did it one way and think its the ONLY way to do things, doesn't mean everyone has to follow your plan exactly, nor does it mean its right. I suspect you're acting like this because you're jealous and now you think that she will be at the same point in life as you are. Why don't you pay attention to whats going on with your own life and stop worrying about meddling in your sisters life. Your parents won't talk to you about it because IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
The thing is, an adult relationship with siblings is a long game. You're within your rights to voice your concerns, but you've done that. Persisting in this resistance will be counterproductive. If you actually care about your sister (instead of just being annoyed that someone related to you could behave this way), your best chance of improving her life in the long run is fostering a closer relationship with her. It's not wildly optimistic to think the two of you have five or six decades left, and a lot can happen in that time. There may come a day when she decides her marriage was a mistake, or she's happy with her marriage but is thinking about trying to find a job, or they can't have children and she needs someone to help her understand that a life that isn't what she imagined can still be fulfilling. You can be the person who helps her with those things, but only if you give up on making her admit that you're right.
And by the way, I am a feminist. I still think you need to back off. She's a grown woman, and grown women have an absolute right to make decisions about things like this because we have the capacity to determine which choices will serve us best - and to deal with the consequences when we pick wrong. You don't have to like her decision, but you should support her right to make it.
If it helps, my mom got married young and left the workforce not long after. She's since gone on to have a series of really interesting jobs and complete a couple advanced degrees. Obviously not everyone does that, but she managed those things because people supported her when she was ready to do them. Like I said, life is long (if you're lucky), and things change. Play the long game.
This is one of the most woefully ignorant statements I have read, in so many ways.
1) Have you really not ever learned how to be supportive of someone without imposing your opinions and judgements on them at this point in life? If you have concerns, you voice them with their best interests in mind and then you stand back and let them handle their own lives while being there as a friend/sister. It should be noted that voicing your concerns is reserved for genuine concerns not when someone's world view just happens to conflict with yours.
2) I also went to a good school and a highly regarded university, I am currently working but regardless of my education my dreams and goals in life include becoming a SAHM. This is the beauty of feminism and women's liberation movements - is that women are allowed a CHOICE in how they want to live their lives and afforded equal opportunities to do so. Feminism does not mean that you must work and only take on pursuits historically "manly" or male-dominated.
OP,
I am 23, currently attend a private Christian University and have been married for almost a year. My husband and I are financially independent, very poor and probably two of the happiest people you could ever meet. So I don't really understand why you would judge me or anyone like me. You don't get to judge adult's relationships. And don't pretend to know anything about marriage when you've only been there for three weeks.
I think you are nuts. They have been dating for several years and they are in love. Why can they not get married at 22? Can you explain what this statements means "I mean her now fiance has spent christmas with us for the past three years and his family doesnt even live in the same state!!"
I think you sound a bit jealous that her new engagement is overshadowing your new marriage.
I know I'm late to the party, but something you've implied about women who marry young and choose to teach just bugs the hell out of me.
Like your sister, I chose to marry young. Also like your sister, I went to a private Christian school, and received an amazing, world-class education there. I was engaged just after my 21st birthday (while still in college *gasp!*), and married about four months after I graduated college (early, mind you, and with a 3.9 GPA in a major that is notoriously difficult in my alma mater). I was still 21.
Was it difficult at first? Yes. Did we both need to grow up some in the process? Yes. Would I wait a few years again if I had it to do all over again? Perhaps. Supporting each other through grad school, while trying, strengthened our marriage in ways I wouldn't trade for anything.
My husband and I both went to grad school. Both of us have our Master's degrees. After all of that, I chose, turning down a job that makes a hell of a lot more money than my current one, to teach high school at a little bitty school. I have a lot to give to these students, and I'm happy to give it. My whole motivation for going to grad school was because I thought I owed it to my students.
Your sister is choosing to teach. Implying that marrying young and then choosing to teach is somehow wasting potential is appalling, and frankly, I'm tired of seeing education treated as something as a last resort profession. Like your sister, I've had it said that I'm 'too smart' to teach, and that I'm 'wasting my potential.' Bullocks. Did it ever occur to you that some choose education as their first choice career? Grr.
All that to say, stay out of your sister's affairs. And while you're at it, try to dredge up some support from all that disdain you're carrying.