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WWYD Re: Thanksgiving
I have a bit of a "dilemma" and I'm wondering if I am being too sensitive or overthinking things.
I am super bummed about the holidays this year due to my parents splitting up and impending divorce plus lots of other issues. I am just not feeling it I guess. In an effort to pull myself out of my funk, I started going thru a bunch of very old family cookbooks looking for some fun desserts to make.
Anyways, I emailed my MIL today to tell her that I was really excited to do some baking to get myself in the holiday spirit and asked if there was anything specific I can bring over, either for dessert or dinner. I know that dinner at thier house will be very small (6 people including dh and I) so its not necessary to make a ton of desserts. Her response was that she and her daughter would be doing all the cooking and baking and do not need me to help in anyway. Just show up in time to eat.
Ummmm, am I being sensitive or is that kinda rude? I mean I am not exactly close with my MIL and I feel like its because of things like this. Every single time I have ever offered to bring something to dinner she flat out refuses to let me. One time on christmas eve I put together a really nice plate of cookies that I had spent a lot of time making. I had set them on the kitchen counter and later when I realized they had not been put out I walked back to get them and noticed the entire tray had been dumped in the garbage!!!
Ugghhh, I realize this is probably whiney and all that, but Im seriously thinking about making something amazing to bring over just to "show her up" (she is seriously an awful cook, she doesnt like to season anything) but I would probably flip if I worked hard on something and then it got dumped in the trash.
If you actually read this far, I owe you big time. Have a drink or a cookie with me 
Re: WWYD Re: Thanksgiving
Thanks, I hate to say that I'm glad you understand cause thats awful, but I guess its somewhat nice to know i'm not the only one having these feelings.
And, I'd get DH to agree that next year TG will be at our house. I'll get to cook what I want and make my own traditions and everything. (and I can throw her cookies in the trash.
Maybe I am just a spiteful petty immature DIL, but I say you make something that totally shows her up. The trick is to either have something you can leave in the car until dessert time and say, "oh silly me, I forgot the dessert I made in the car. Let me run out and get it for you all now." Or, bring something like an appitizer or side dish and put it out in front of their faces so the troll (sorry, my word, not your's) can't toss it out.
Either way....good luck....the Holiday season is hard as it is, you don't need unsupportive issues bringing you down. Hell, if all else fails...get wasted on egg nog and throw up her precious dinner that you didn't help with and "just showed up in time to eat."
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This is pretty much exactly how I feel.
I'd making some so fantastic that everyone will rave about it. But that's just me. I agree with doing something that could be left in the car until dessert and then go out and get it.
I am sorry she is being so rude to you with everything that is going on. (((HUGE HUGS)))
Normally, DH and I go out of town for thanksgiving, but this year he was supposed to be working so we didnt plan anything. Then his job cancelled on friday. I'm thinking next year we will definitely be at our house or out of town!
DH knows about the cookie incident, but I didnt confront MIL (which is completely out of character for me) I think I was just so shocked and hurt when I saw it that I didnt know what to say. Now of course, It secretely drives me crazy.
I emailed her back and told her that I was disappointed because I was really looking forward to helping and doing some baking this year. Her response was "For christmas you can help with something" Gee thanks!!!
Ditto this. If you think that she will toss it, or your SIL will, don't put it in the kitchen, put it out right away. I am very passive aggressive when given the reason, and this is a great reason. Go for the gold. I would hug you if you brought the turkey :-D
At the same time, if someone told me they were really excited about making something I'd let them bring it in addition to what I already had.
I'm sure you would never throw out something that was brought though! I just can't imagine what would possess someone to do that and think no one would be hurt. Or that no one would notice. In my family we always divided up the side dishes regardless of who was hosting so that it was more of a family effort. The idea is that it's supposed to bring family together not throw all the work on one person. IMO, Thanksgiving should be more like a pseudo-potluck than an exclusive dinner party. I think it is important to be gracious as a host(ess) about the fact that people want to contribute their recipes, esp with regard to family who marries in. In my experience, while we were dating, I've had to eat all kinds of dishes I don't like/wasn't raised to eat. And same goes for DH at my family dinners. After you get married and become part of the family there should be a shift at the holidays where your recipes become included. At least if you divide up the Thanksgiving dishes, everyone can have something familiar/from their childhood/they like. And then no one can act like a martyr because they did all the work (which some people will do).
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Wtf? Is this some kind of screwed up seventh grade clique where only the people born into the family get to cook? I'm sorry that's rude. If you like to cook and bake, which it sounds like you do, the most rude thing someone can do is not allow you to do that. She needs to accept the fact that you're part of the family now.
I would bring something. I wouldn't bring dessert though because there's usually too many at Thanksgiving anyway and it won't get eaten. I'd bring an appetizer. Is it far away? Baked brie would be perfect.
What a B!tch!! I would find out what they're baking, cooking...find a recipe that is 100xs better than theirs and bring that. LOL
Maybe not, but I'd bring something and like pp said, put it out right away or wait for the right moment to bring it out.
Thanks Ladies, Its nice to know that I'm not just blowing this out of proportion. I appreciate the suggestions and will more than likely do something amazingly passive agressive
Your MIL sucks. And I would definitely do something amazingly passive agressive also.
Yup, this would be me. But I wouldn't leave it in the car to go get it. I'd want her to open the front door to see me holding a platter of something delicious!
She is so rude. I can't believe she would throw your stuff away. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.