Bothering me more then I thought it would!

Mrs D in May

For Thanksgiving my whole family always gets together.  Parents, brother, SIL, nieces, Aunt, Uncle, and cousins, and my family.

This will be the first year DH, my girls, and I will not be going there.  I have not spoken to my mother, brother, or SIL since May.

Instead we are going to my SIL's house.

I thought I would be okay with this - mostly because I am still so very angry with the ones I am not speaking to.

But... it is bothering me, I am hurt, and I am depressed.

I guess even though I am still so angry....I am more hurt then I actually thought I was!

Mrs D in May

Not really sure why I wrote this post, other then maybe I believe I will feel better writing it down.

grilledcheese&tomato

These are all very normal and understandable feelings. It's not like you want to be angry and disengaged from your family. Of course missing a big family holiday would bring out the hurt and disappointment you've been living with. 

ShannersLA

OP, could you give us more insight as to why you aren't speaking with these specific family members?

It is normal to miss your family even when you're mad at them, especially during the holidays.  My guess is that this wasn't just a typical fight to go so long without speaking and to go as far as to not seeing them for a holiday, but, if you are in agony, you do have the option to agree to disagree for the time being to break bread.

ShannersLA

EDIT: I just read your post above and do not blame you for one second why you would not be able to even stomach these people.

*Hugs* sent your way!!

Mrs D in May

ShannersLA:

EDIT: I just read your post above and do not blame you for one second why you would not be able to even stomach these people.

*Hugs* sent your way!!

Thank you ShannersLA!

I am thinking I need to talk to a professional about the way I feel.  Maybe it will help me get over this.

ChavayJakov

I haven't found another thread where you laid out why you aren't speaking to your extended family - but I wanted to send hugs and prayers your way.  I've been estranged from my parents, one adult child, my brother (and by extension his family) for just about the same amount of time.  It is difficult, as has been some of the holiday as a result.  We held our holiday yesterday because of my husband's work schedule (working today) so everything just felt off.  Taking the spirit of the holiday, thinking on things and loved ones for whom I can and am grateful to have (even some who are estranged from me) was a bit of a help.

fabulous red

i also don't know the details as to why you are no longer speaking to them. but in the end, i will tell you from my own experience, the best way to heal this anger is to forgive them. It doesn't mean you have to include them in your life, it is not about them. It is about you.

we went through this with my hub's side of the family. and we have not spoken to them since may as well.   it's harder during the holidays, esp with you that it's your mother.

 

katarczyna

I'm so sorry.

I felt the same way yesterday. I normally have dinner with my parents and siblings, but due to a major falling out with everyone, I hosted for my ILs. It wasn't the same at all and I was very sad. 

My youngest sister came over for a few minutes, but it felt forced, she was weird, and it made me feel very lonely. I even told DH at one point that I missed my family.