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Friend Advice
Hey Ladies. I have not been on here much in over a year. I need some friend advice.
Back in June my friend and I had a falling out. She was drinking and driving and had the attitude ?my life my choice?. I tried talking to her about it nicely for a few months and then finally I lost it on her. I was not very nice about it but it seemed like the only way to get through to her. She came back at me with personal attacks and made fun of me being out of a job. Even one of her friends emailed me through facebook and made very cruel comments. We were friends for over 10 years. I live in NC now and she is still in WI. Two months ago she contacted DH on FB wanting to make up and realizes how wrong she was. I still was not ready to talk to her. Well she just emailed him again. I think about our friendship a lot and what we had before but some of the things she said to me are too hard to get past. I do not know how a friend could talk to me the way she did when I was trying to get her to stop doing something that could kill her or someone else. I would copy and paste the email exchange between us but I would have to do a LOT of editing for the nest to accept it.
Thoughts?
Re: Friend Advice
It sounds like your conversations got pretty heated. So while I understand how hurtful some of her comments were, she may have not really meant them. Maybe you could start by just telling her that you do think about the friendship you had, but that you were/are still really hurt by x, y and z. I would also include that you realize you maybe didn't handle the situation in the best way and you apologize for that, but that your intent was to protect a good friend (her) from getting hurt or hurting someone else.
Do you think she would be responsive to this type of thing? At this would give you two a starting point to start working on having a friendship again.
Maybe you should tell her that. That way it gives you some time to figure out your feelings but she also understands that you are working on it and you just aren't completely ignoring her.
That is a great idea. Thanks.
I do think what EA has suggested is a good idea.
Just out of curiosity, have you two stopped being facebook friends? Otherwise, why is she emailing your husband and not you directly? Also, something else to consider--has she actually stopped her wreckless behavior? While you might miss her now, if she hasn't changed at all, you might regret accepting her apology in the long run--and worse, if she hasn't changed, she might interpret your acceptance of her apology as a sort of "permission" to continue drinking and driving.
Good luck. I hope that your friend HAS learned the error of her ways, that she regrets saying those hurtful things to you, and that you guys are able to slowly make amends.
I blocked her on FB. It does make me wonder why she is messaging him instead of emailing me or picking up the phone to call me. I might have been more open to responding if she contacted me directly. It is almost like she is trying to guilt him into feeling bad so he will "talk" to me about it. I do wonder if she has changed at all. I think what makes me hesitate the most is when I was friends with her she had falling outs all the time with other friends and would go off on a rage against them. I really was the only stable person in her life she could look up to.
Im agreeing with previous posters have said completely. I also wanted to wish you luck with the situation.
I've been / am in a similar situation and it's still very hard to deal with.
Good luck!