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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
pregnany and cant put up with mil anymore please help i need advice
i am just in my second trimester and my mother in law and the rest of my husbands family are getting on my last nerve. i am attending a cosmetology school and my inlaws have been helping out by watching our two boys while im at school and i have recently found out that my mil has been talking trash on my family which i dont approve of especially in front of my kids and because i could not get ahold of her over the phone to confront her about it because she never gets off of facebook i sent her a private message on facebook telling her that i did not appreciate it (she had also contacted my mother and verbaly attacked her for no reason) and so i told her i could not believe that she did that and that it was not acceptable and it would not be tolerated and if she chose to continue to act like that she would no longer be allowed around my children and i would find elsewhere for my children and then i get everyone of her other children besides my husband messaging me on facebook calling me and my mother "phsycotic bitches" and more (a lot worse than their previous statement) and how she gave them her log in so they could read how i told her my children wouldnt be allowed around that and then get told that i am a horrible mother....but how am i a horrible mother when i dont want my children around filth like they were speaking?......i then told my dh about EVERYTHING and that our children were not allowed around them anymore and we would no longer be anywhere near them and he agreed.......am i a bad wife for this?(my husband told me that he would "no longer have anything else to do with them)and this decision was made by him.......and then about an hour after this my mil sends my mother and i both txts saying "SHE WILL B IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WHEN I HAVE THIS BABY AND THERE AIN'T *** WE CAN DO ABOUT IT" there in no way under any circumstances will she be in there especially not to replace my mother in there as she also said she would be doing what do i do????????...............the resy of this is giberish that for some reason i cant delete ot to r
Re: pregnany and cant put up with mil anymore please help i need advice
I'm going to call MUD- at least I hope so!
At least your DH is standign with you on this.
And your MIL will not be allowed in the delviery room if you tell the nurses and docs that she isn't allowed in. They can even have her escorted out of the hospital if she makes a scene.
Can you try this again with paragrahs please?
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If you speak to your MIL again you are more forgiving than I am.
Seriously, if you have to wonder about this then I don't even know what to say. Oh, and most Moms would never allow their kids around their MIL who is trashing family to them. I doubt you will allow that though because I bet she does it for free.
I sincerely hope this is MUD.
sorry new to msg boards like these what does MUD mean?
i can honestly say i will not be speaking to ANY of them unless this turns into a harassment suit against them
i dont speak like that especially in front of my children so i wont tolerate someone else doing it in front of them especially when my children are ages 3 and 1
i just dont want to feel like by me saying NO MORE ANYTHING is the reason my husband said he will have nothing to do with them..........i just dont want to b the bad guy years down the road
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As I said, stand up for yourself. Don't permit these horrible people to manhandle you or your family.
Tell her where it's at and don't spare the sentiment -- and you and your H should cut them out of your lives. Do you and he really want a small child to be at ground zero with her noxious behavior?
"SHE WILL B IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WHEN I HAVE THIS BABY AND THERE AIN'T *** WE CAN DO ABOUT IT"
Oh, really? I'd dare her try!
Have security escort her off premise. Simple as that.
BTW, you don't even need to tell her she is cut out of your lives; just DO IT.
Don't talk to her, don't answer her Facebook messages -- just cut her out. She'll figure it out for herself.
1. Don't worry about the delivery, she won't be allowed in there...allow her to say that as many times as she wants, it just won't happen
2. Your facebook message at best should have said I need to talk to you, but all that should have waited until you could talk in person
3. DO NOT use your children as bait. Meaning, you can't say "you can't see my children if you don't do this or that" yes, I understand that stuff was said in front of them...but still, you are USING them, don't do this
"DO NOT use your children as bait. Meaning, you can't say "you can't see my children if you don't do this or that" yes, I understand that stuff was said in front of them...but still, you are USING them, don't do this"
I have to disagree, I remember when I was younger my Grandma (Bio Dad's Mom) would say all kinds of hateful things about my Mommy. I would HATE it! I would tell my Mommy and she would say things, like well baby everyone has their opinions. It is ok do not worry about it. To this day I respect her for being the bigger person and not getting mad. However, I wish I did not have to be around my Grandma because it made me mad at her for being such an evil woman. When my Mommy was so nice to her.
Yes, I am 26 years old and I call my Mother Mommy and I have always called her that. lol.
I think that poster meant not to THREATEN her with not seeing the kids; rather, just take them out of her life. That seems manipulative, and there's really no reason for the children to get involved in this adult argument. If I were in this situation, my kids would just never see her again; I wouldn't *announce* that I was planning to withhold them in the hopes that she would change her behavior.
You can tell the hospital that you don't want anyone allowed in, they will honor that request and keep people out.
Get a freaking babysitter, and stop letting this woman watch your children.
I'd be done with her for good, and my DH would support that.....would yours?
If your DH is on the same page, you should be fine! Just ignore her until there is an apology.
In terms of the hospital, yes, the nurses are awesome at keeping people out if you do not want them in (our hospital actually recommends keeping with the idea that if you are not there for conception, you should not be there for the birth).
Also, if you are not speaking to them, how are they going to know when you go to the hospital! Just giggle thinking about her waiting for your call!
I'm glad your H is standing with you on this.
When you go into labor, tell your nurses and doctors that you do NOT want your MIL anywhere near the delivery or recovery room. They are excellent at playing goalie with people like your MIL.
And ditto the pp, how will MIL know you're in labor if you're not speaking to her?
1) Be happy your DH is on your side and don't worry about being the bad guy. If his mom was badmouthing you and your relatives in front of his children, she is the only bad guy here.
2) Unfriend her and all his other relatives on Facebook. Then they can't contact you or harass you through there.
3) How in the world would she even know when you go into labor? She won't. Not unless she's psychic, or someone tells her. When you go into labor, don't tell anyone. Simple as that.
4) Inform the nurses that you don't want any visitors, or give them the name of the only acceptable visitors. Maternity wards are like Fort Knox. They don't just let people in, especially if they know people are unwelcome.
I dunno ladies, there are too many nut jobs like OP's MIL that this could actually happen so I don't think I'll be jumping on the MUD train for this one.
OP - if you AND your H refuse to talk to this beetchnut, she should have no idea when you are in the delivery room so hopefully you're good to go. And you can always, for precautionary measures, make sure with hospital staff that NOBODY is allowed in there except for your H and your mom!
I am so glad to hear that your DH is on the same page as you. Obviously, he knows how disrespectful and outrageous his family is.
Get new daycare providers immediately. Do not take their calls or answer their emails. As for Facebook, you can unfriend them and they won't even know and you can have them blocked as well. Make sure you forwarn your new daycare provider that they are not to allow anyone other than you and your DH to pick up or visit your children under any circumstances.
I believe wholeheartedly that you should protect your children from people like this. Your children don't need to be poisoned mentally and/or emotionally. You and your husband are their protectors. Family can be brutal and blood is not thicker than water....it's all liquid!!! You and your DH and chidlren are your family!!!
And as a pp said, how will anyone know when you've gone in the hospital to deliver your new blessing if you are not speaking. But just in case, make sure your doctors and nurses are warned.
And to that pp that said this...I like it and will use it....IF YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR THE CONCEPTION YA AIN'T GONNA BE THERE FOR THE DELIVERY!!!!! LOL
Get some rest and destress!!!
This.
And maybe a period or two. Its one long sentence...
First of all, you shouldn't have used facebook to address a situation like this one. If she has your kids everyday, a much more appropriate thing to do would have been to have them go wait in the car and then addressed her to her face, like an adult. But now that it's done, and she has responded with behavior that was even more immature than yours, you can simply choose to break off contact.
1) Find a different babysitter ASAP.
2) Unfriend all of his family on facebook. Don't make a big production about it, just do it and they won't even get a notification that it happened.
3) You and your DH agree that no one will let your ILs know that you are in labor. They can find out that your baby was born after the fact, like everyone else. You can also give a list of people you don't want to be able to visit you in the hospital and the staff will abide by it.
4) Whatever you do, don't start acting in the manner that caused you to become upset in the first place. Don't go around badmouthing them, sending them emails or facebook messages, getting into arguments with them, etc. Just as you didn't want your MIL to expose your children to that, make sure you don't either. Just move on and be the bigger person.
ok everyone has been wondering how they will know when i go into labor
a: she is basically a stalker she drives past my house daily. when she sees no cars for a long period of time in a day she will figure it out and just show up.
q: why did i do this on facebook?
a: because she is constantly on facebook therefor her house phone has constant busy signal. I could not reach her on her cell because it was turned off.
q: why didnt i just go get my kids and have them wait in the car while i addressed this?
a:this had all gone down when my kids were at home with their daddy. they have not been around any of them since .
p.s. i would like to appologize for the sentence run on. this was posted on my phone which is new and i had not figured out everything yet.
update: my mil sent me a msg on fb monday morning at 3:30 in the morning!!!!!! what the crap ......really at 3:30 in the am? in this letter she said :
1. she was sorry
2. she had time to think and sees she was in the wrong
3. my fil told her she needs to keep her mouth closed and quit starting drama!
4. she misses my kids and loves them more than life its self
5.please please please let me be a part of the new babys life.
6. she needs someone to do her hair
7. she will talk with the rest of dh family and tell them they were in the wrong and to remember i am his wife and they should respect me.
8. she is proud of me for going to cosmo school since hair and make up is my passion
to me this all sounds like a load of bs and like she is just "appologizing" so she can see my kids and have me do her hair! is that what this sounds like to yall? Well she aint gunna bs her way out of this one!
oh and for the lady that said i am using my children as "bait".......
No i most certainly am not! i am trying to protect my children from evil ppl like a mother should.........yes i did say if they didnt quit with the crap they could not see my children............this was to let them know i will not tolerate that behavior and that with that behavior comes consequenses..............anyways it does not matter they decided that acting like jerks was more important than my children!
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