Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Lack Of
This is my first post on this site so let me introduce myself. I'm Candice and I live in Kentucky with my fianc?e Justin. So here it goes for the last six months my finances has been less and less interested in sex now I'm lucky to have sex once a week. I've tried to talk to him and he says nothings wrong it's just he's not in the mood and that is why. Anytime I get in the mood he says thats all I ever want which makes me feel HORRIBLE. Now it's been two weeks since we've had sex the first week was due to my period. The second week he just wasn't in the mood. I don't know what to do anymore.
Re: Lack Of
There's lots to ask:
How long have you been together? If you have been together for a very long time, it is normal for sex to wane in frequency.
Have you spoken to him about this? discussed the situation throughly and at length? If no, I suggest you do so starting now.
Going without sex for only 2 weeks is nothing.
and pssst....fiance = guy; fiancee = girl.
Anything, like I said, can be happening here. We really need more backstory -- how long have you been together, your ages, etc.
Whatevfer the situation is, and whatever the cause of the problem is: I very strongly suggest that you ensure that the problem is resolved BEFORE you get married. Remember: marrying somebody makes all problems permanent; a piece of jewelry and 2 spoken words will not make the problem magically vanish. GL.
YOu've only been together 7 months and you're engaged?
Wow, that's really moving extremely extremely quickly.
Also...very few 22 year old guys are ready for a lifelong commitment.
Very few 20 year old women rarely are, either.
I see also he is NOT manning up to his problem -- he's blaming the lack of sex on an old girlfriend?
Nuh uh. THat's not where this is at. Blame that on immaturity.
I hate to be the bearer of possible bad news, but it very well could be that the relationship with your FI is now running its course and it's pretty much over. At the 7 month mark of a dating relationship, you should still be taking things slowly -- there's still a great deal to learn about each other; the relationship is sitll relatively new.
What I'd do if I were you:
Put any kind of wedding plans on hold and initiate another discussion with this guy -- sorry, but no way can this be due to what happened in his past. Something else is going on here and maybe the relationship is over. GL.
ETA: Wow, you haven't even spent enough time IN each other's company! He was overseas and wow, that had to be for a very good chunk of time out of the last 7 months since you have been together.
This relationship isn't long enough, or strong enough, for an engagement, let alone a marriage.
Sorry, but your ages have a great deal to do with this. Everybody else here will say the same.
And this is a great big fail, too:
We kept saying that we knew we loved each other before we actually met face to face.
So what did you fall in love WITH?
An image? The sound of his voice?? "It just felt right"???
No; you and he need to spend what is called quality time with each other and you need to spend LOTS of time together, up close and personal.
You don't even know how dependable he is, what he's like in person on a day to day basis, what he is like in a crisis, etc.
YOu've spent nearly no time with each other on an extended daily basis. There have been ongoing problems in the bedroom department and he's blaming them on a former girlfriend. You have only been in contact with him for the last several months.
AND you are only 20; he is only 22.
Sorry but this isn't working. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses and go.
It is VERY common for the "spark" of a relationship to die down around six months-1 year. It doesn't sound like you're experiencing anything out of the ordinary. Your infatuation with your fiance seems to be lasting longer than his infatuation with you. So you either talk about it, and take steps to keep the magic alive or you break up.
(Gosh, I used some corny phrases in there...sorry!)
Don't feel too bad about any "judgmental" things you hear on this because it's just everyone's opinion and you're going to hear stuff you don't like. Lol especially online!
Anyway, there are a lot of possible reasons why you haven't been getting much intimate time with your guy. As someone else said, every single relationship goes through slumps, especially at the start. You might just be overreacting to his transition into the one-person relationship. It takes some guys a while to get used to being in a real relationship.
The infatuation thing that @HannahO28 mentioned is true too. But the best decision to make is to talk to him about it rather than basing your decision on what we say. If it's hard to talk to him, take control!!