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single friends??
Just wondering how many of you, if any, have mostly single friends?
All of my close g-friends are single. They go out....a lot! While planning the wedding, I didn't go out a lot, because I didn't want to, and also because we didn't have the money. I would try and get the girls together to do things other than going to a bar but that was hard to do b/c all they wanted to do was go out drinking.
I was frustrated- but also understood because I was single before too!!
Maybe I'm just being a sappy B**ch today or something, but I was on facebook this morning and found out they all went out to eat on saturday. Didn't go out to the bars or anything, but just had dinner. Sorry if it seems like I'm having a pity party for 1, but i'm so tired of feeling like i'm the one that initiates sending emails, calling, etc. and they don't make an effort.
Yes, I'm married, and chances are I'm not going to want to go bar hopping with you, but I'm not dead!
Re: single friends??
I'm pretty the last of my friends to get married, so I can't sympathize with you on that end. But I do know that certain of my friends, after they got married & before I did, pretty much fell off the face of the earth - we'd invite them out (and not just bar-hopping since a lot of us aren't big drinkers) and all they ever wanted to do was spend time with their new DH, so if it was a girls-only thing they'd decline. Consistently. After a while, we just stopped inviting the ones who wouldn't bother.
IMO, even though it was the bars you were avoiding, they might have taken that to mean you weren't interested in hanging out at all - and after a few nos too many stopped asking. Not saying that's definitely the case, but just from my own experience.
TTC since 08/2010
Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
Dx PCOS 3/2012
SA 5/25/12--normal
June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
That sucks. I'm sorry.
I've had the problem where I try and ask my friends about whats going on with them, etc. cuz 1. I care! and 2. I'm curious! and they think i'm trying to gossip. WTF?!?! So i guess i'm just supposed to not ask about anything!
I am not THE first of my friends to get married, but am one OF the first if that makes sense. I completely understand where you are coming from. I don't like going to parties and being the only married couple there, and I don't like feeling as if I'm some old fogey just because I'm a wife now - I still know how to go out and have a good time! I had these two friends since High School and actually introduced them to each other. They are both such awesome people but over time, they fell in love and it changed both of them. They got married exactly one year before DH and I and have since completely dropped off the face of the earth, won't ever come out to do ANYTHING - just totally reclusive. I saw what happened to them and swore that wouldn't be DH and and I.
I wish DH and I were closer (distance) to our friends who are couples. We have a better time going out with couples now because we can relate to them more. Just this past Saturday, we went to a party at my friend's house. I love him dearly but he is a swinging Bachelor, sleeps around and likes kiss and tell. His stories used to amuse me but now they just seem inappropriate. When I wanted to leave at midnight, he said "what happened to the girl who used to be out until 3AM?" I just smiled at him but thought "she found the man who made her want to settle down!" On the way home, DH was saying "it's time for him to settle down. I want him to find a good girl so we can double date! I want everyone to experience the love we have."
Then there are the friends who are jealous of my marriage, the wedding, the house we bought this year, etc, and I can feel us slowly drifting apart over it. I'm sorry, but why should I feel guilty about my happiness? I didn't hurt anyone to create the life I've made for myself - I worked for it and had a little luck along the way. I wish the same happiness for everyone else. If you are single and frustrated that you're not in a relationship right now, the solution is not to take it out on me and my marriage.
Ok, I guess I have a little more resentment built up than I thought!
THANK YOU!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one!
It's just weird. I mean, our "group" of girls is a mixed group to say the least. We all met eachother at different points in our lives and are all different ages. I mean we range from 29-45. Big difference. There are 5 of us in our "group" and I definetly am the "disposable" one right now if that makes sense- I mean the other 4 kinda paired up.
It just pisses me off. I have been there for them through so much stuff. I know that I saw no to going out a lot. But I go bar hopping and do all that when it's important. (birthdays, celbrations, etc.) I don't need to stay out till 3 am 3 days a week anymore. But that doesn't mean you can't call when you guys are getting together for lunch/dinner or a happy hour or something.
Man, women can be catty!
That stinks that they didn't even call you. It's like, even if you do make an effort and go out a few times, but maybe don't stay out as late or don't go out EVERY SINGLE TIME they invite you, it's still not good enough. Makes you wonder why you even bother trying sometimes.
Most of our friends are single - and we're 33.
I don't go to the bar a lot anymore, but I still do go out with my girlfriends - single or married - every chance I get. When we go out in a group I'd say maybe 4 of us are married and 6 or 7 are not.
Are you avoiding the bar for a reason? You can go to a bar and not drink if you're avoiding the booze.
Not really avoiding for any particular reason. I guess I'm just "over it" so to speak. we are TTC so I'm not drinking like I used to. Plus, I'd rather spend that money on something other than a night out and a major headache the next day.
Even when I have gone out with them and not drink, I just end up getting annoyed! It's a drama filled night every frickin time and it always ends up making me think "wow, i came out for this? I could have stayed at home on my couch and watched a crappy lifetime movie if I wanted to hear yelling/crying/fighting"
I don't mean to be assy, but it sounds like if it's drama filled BS all the time that the problem is your friends, and not where they hang out or what they do when they hang out. Sometimes you just have to cross people off your list.
If you're not ready to do that, why don't you ask them why they didn't mention Saturday's dinner to you?
You're not being assy!
Yeah, I've thought about that myself. It's just hard.
Yeah, but its bothering you and you won't get past that until you speak up. I don't think I would call out it out in public a/k/a FB but I would talk to the one that you closest with and just say that you feel left out and wished that you would have been included.
It is hard. I have absolutely done it though. I cut one person out of my life completely, and two others I radically changed the friendship expectations with...For me, it's harder to live with the incessant drama and the negativity that usually comes along with drama queens. I want to go out and have a good time, I want to know my friends are there for me at the drop of a hat, I want to know they'll be honest with me and expect honesty in return from me, I want to know they will laugh at stupid *** like I do, and I want to know neither of us has to worry about any BS behind the back crap.
If you surround yourself with people who want the same as you do out of friendships, you'll be much happier. Don't let history with someone dictate your future with them (and this is coming from a person who had 8 bridesmaids, and five of them have been my BFFs for 20 years).