Always the host...never the guest!

apparently

Y'know, sometimes I get so jealous reading this board -- I would love if some of you were in my circle of friends! For some reason I don't completely understand, I ended up the default hostess for my set -- I host about six times a year (game nights, dinner parties, etc) . I enjoy having people over but no one ever reciprocates! Ever!

Everyone seems to have a great time when we get together, and I am constantly asked when the next event is and if extra people can come, soI don't think they're all secretly having parties I'm not invited to... they're all just busy with kids/jobs/life and throwing parties isn't something that they even think about.

Are your friends as lame as mine are?

festivegal2008

Actually the only thing that really drove me nuts were the demonstration parties I'd have.  I used to host them all the time when I was single.  Tastefully Simple, Lia Sophia, Pure Romance, Party Lite, purse parties.....  Everyone would say "let's have a such and such party", so I'd offer to host it.  I'd invite 30 people, 10 would reply they were coming (and the other 20 wouldn't reply at all), then 3 would show.  And I always ended up with way too much extra food and drink.  I don't host them anymore.

cg-pm52111

You are so not alone.  I suppose I don't mind so much because I know the food and drinks will be good and the place will be clean, but it would be nice to go somewhere else once in awhile.

I used to host a holiday party at my parent's house throughout high school and college and that circle of friends would get really upset if they so much as thought I might not be hosting it.  I'd say, "why don't you host it then?"  The response was that it just wouldn't be the same.

 Maybe we're just too nice.  

CRozumalski

We are in the same boat as you...it's mostly because we are the "common ground" for all of our families and friends. I cannot remember anything other than my Husband's birthday last year that has been anywhere but here.

We usually have to do Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday's, anniversary's, New Years, small group (church) parties, etc.

TarHeels&Rebels

I'm the hostess in our group, as well.  I think people maybe think entertaining's a hassle and they don't have the time to deal with it.  I'm sure there are ways to do it on a budget, as well, but my parties generally end up expensive, so that may limit people.

I think age has something to do with it, too.  Right now, we have several friends with kids under 3.  I'm pretty sure their life consists solely of Playskool toys and Kraft macaroni.   They're not entertaining at their home! lol

katiemar03

Lurker who just had to come out of hiding.  I'm also the host.  And I don't buy the preschooler excuse.  I was hosting our multiple childless couples within weeks of having my second (so a 2 yr old and a 1 month old) and still haven't stopped 5 years later.  There is only one couple that occassionally reciprocates, and I know it means a lot to them to be able to "return the favor".  The others, not so much.  But, we like spending time with our friends, and as a previous poster said, at least I know what's in store when I do it. 

jerseygirl09

I understand how you feel. I feel that way sometimes also!

wldktz10

I kind of agree with you. Although right now the main reason is because none of our friends have their sh!t together. We just moved so I could go back to school and everyone here is dirt poor, no furniture, no cookware, they have like 4 plates, etc. Back home all of our friends were much more interested in living at home and going to the same old places all the time. The only people who ever suggested doing anything different was us and half the time people never showed up because they ended up going to those same old bars again.

 It made us realize we need some new friends. Haha.

akind062

We are always the host to our friends. Every holiday/event we host the get together. I love to entertain and it used to be that our friends had small apartments and we have a big house..but now more and more have their own houses and I haven't even seen most of them! I tried to put my foot down this year and didn't plan a halloween party...but like a week before everyone wanted to know what time to show up. UGH ended up throwing something together last minute like I have nothing else to do! I was hoping someone would say they would host it instead. I tell my husband all the time we need new friends! I stopped providing alcohol and started telling everyone to BYOB to cut costs. Also, I'm a tastefully simple rep so everyone expects me to bring food like every where I go which is annoying.

sjb&apa

Me too. We're the default house for social gatherings about 10 times a year.

I like to cook and entertain, and our house is the best suited for entertaining among our friends. So honestly, I don't mind hosting most of the time. At least I get to pick out the food & drinks that I like and it motivates me to keep the house guest-ready.

I have one friend who invites us to her house 1-2 times a year, but  I complain about going there. Her house is TINY and she doesn't clean up any clutter so everyone is on top of each other and tripping over dog & kid toys all over the floor. A small house is fine, but the size of the space should be considered when deciding how many people to invite. Add in her constantly-screaming kids and that just about puts me over the top. Their 150-lb dog is going crazy jumping all over and knocking people over. A dog is fine (I have one too), but hers is out of control. It's just utter chaos and not relaxing or enjoyable at all. Plus, she makes the same food every single time and the entree she makes is something I don't like. I would rather be the hostess, thanks.

unamilagra

I have the same problem with my friends.  To be fair, we did meet most of the people and then introduce them to each other, but we have all known each other about a year.  We are in our late 20s with no kids and the vast majority of our friends are in the same boat, so they don't have the kid excuse.

I also know it's not because our house is the best.  Yes we keep it clean and make sure there is plenty of food, but we live in an 1200 square foot 2 bed 1 bath house.  Once you get 15-20 people in there it gets pretty packed!  We have one other couple that hosts sometimes but their place is about the same size as ours.  I haven't even ever been to some people's houses, but I just can't imagine that ours has the best setup for a party.  Plus several of our friends have to drive 45 minutes to get to our place...if it were me I would be offering just so I didn't have to drive all that way every time.  We try to have all sorts of types of parties, and I have even tried sending an email to everyone telling people that we can't host a particular get together and would anyone like to host.  Those who respond say they couldn't possibly fit enough people at their place.  So if we don't host, it doesn't happen.  At least all of our friends are good about bringing food/drinks to share when they come...

wejustwant2:)

Hi!  We host a LOT.  We have a 2 and a 3 year old too...  and are on a budget because I left my job to be a SAHM.  I have a joy of entertaining as well and am a former caterer/event planner. Have hosted 5 parties in the last 3 years for over 50 guests and will make a big "to do" for my girls' birthdays next year.  I just make everything in advance and clean my house etc. the day before - day of I take my girls to the mall and let them play on the merry-go-round etc. so they can't trash the house to badly.

Re: Guests -   Some people are great like my BF - she comes over a lot with her DH and they bring gifts for the girls, appetizers/desserts whatever (she enjoys cooking) and they hang out with us after our daughters go to bed.  I truly enjoy their company.  They don't have us over as much - due to their circumstances right now.  Which I don't mind at all.  Its funny that some of our friends do reciprocate and some just haven't been able to and I really don't mind.  When I do feel tired of entertaining (esp. family during our "swimming pool" season) I just pull back a little and plan more quiet time with DH.

HTH

helenstar22

i don't like hosting recently realized that after getting married , now DH birthday is in 2 weeks and i don't know what to do. we did nothing last year and he is also turning 30, thats the only reason why i am considering it. wish me luck

lsgarver

We have a mix of friends who always host and those who never host.  You never know what someone's situation is.  Maybe they can't afford to entertain and would feel silly hosting potluck and beer while you put on lavish cocktail parties.  Maybe some are self-conscious about the size or condition of their homes.  Maybe some truly don't know how to entertain or are worried about their party being boring or no one showing up.

Parties are fun but also bring out a lot of insecurities in hostesses and guests.

agoodse

I just prefer to party in my own home (it's a comfort thing), so we end up hosting the majority of parties in our circle.  But our friends are awesome, and anytime we host anything, they ask what they can bring and if they can come early to help set up.  True gems of a social circle.

Adjudi-Kate

I hear you!  I host almost all the parties for our group.  I like entertaining, and having people over is literally the only thing that will make me clean my house thoroughly, so I don't really mind.  But I have to think, are other people hosting parties and not inviting me?   If so, they suck. 

I have started being more forward about asking people to bring something, when they ask if they can help.  I used to decline offers to bring food or wine, but now I actually get quite specific about what I would like them to bring!!

Also, I have totally called out other friends to get them to host more often.  "Hillary, you have such a beautiful house and no one has seen it!  You should have a barbeque here for Memorial Day!  If you do, I will bring a case of your favorite beer to the party.  What do you think?"  LOL

Some people don't even think about having a party, or think no one will come or something.