Update

megan0071234

I talked to my son's stepmother at lunch today like DS had requested. I explained what he said in a very non accusatory way, and reiterated that DS was very afraid he was going to get in trouble for talking to me & that was not ok at all.

She agreed with me. Ex H has huge temper issues and is supposedly starting counseling on his own in the near future because she will not continue their relationship if he does not change.

We agreed that DS would write a letter to his dad and spell out exactly how his actions make him feel. Ex H needs to hear it from his son, that his son thinks he is a jerk when he gets mad. I know he doesn't think the kids notice.

I hope that this will be the wakeup call ex H needs to start working on himself. I stressed that I would take more action if DS asked me to, but at this point he still wants to go there. That might change in the near future.

Anyway, I am hopeful that both DS and ex H (and stepmom) can get relief from this situation, and that this is a turning point.

I am really proud of my DS for recognizing that his dad was doing something wrong, and was able to verbalize to me what needed to change to make him feel safe.

Thank you all for your great advice.

abvernon

Glad to hear you and the stepmom are on the same page. I think DS writing a letter will help ex-H realize kids do notice things we think they don't and I hope this helps all relationships involved.

((hugs))

anneg

this is such a great way to go about this and a far better plan of action than i could ever have come up with!  hearing it directly from his son will have the best likelihood of getting through to your ex about how his behavior affects those around him.  i hope that this has the desired effect, and i'm glad that your son's stepmom is on the same page as you... that really helps, i am sure.  i'll be keeping my fingers crossed. 

hannikan

I think I missed your other post but this sounds very promising to me. I hope things improve. You're handling things so well.

Passanie

abvernon:

Glad to hear you and the stepmom are on the same page. I think DS writing a letter will help ex-H realize kids do notice things we think they don't and I hope this helps all relationships involved.

((hugs))

Total ditto. That seems like a very calm and non-escalating way to handle things. Sorry you have to deal with this though.

Mrs.BoomBoom

That sounds GREAT!

andrea3122

Major kudos to you for handling the situation perfectly. I hope your ex realizes how his temper is affecting his son. Best of luck to all of you.