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How to stay supportive?
My DH is from a line of divorced families. The last divorce was between my MIL and her exhusband (we will call him Joe). Joe practically raised DH.
I dont like Joe...and he doesnt like me. He doesnt like me b/c I remind him too much of his ex (my MIL). The only thing that we have in common, is we are the same height. N-e way, he gave DH a hard time about being with me and he was always two-faced to me. He would say stuff behind my back, and then hug me when he saw me. Bottomline, I want nothing to do with this guy.
Last year DH and Joe had a fall out, and it has been a year since they talked. There was a death in the Joe's family recently, and my DH went to the funeral. They talked and hugged, etc. DH came home that night and said he really misses Joe and wants to try to talk and work things out with him.
I am normally supportive over whatever DH wants to do or decide, but I spoke my opinion on the matter how I did not want to be a part of that. Well, he said he wants me to stand by his side in this situation and go with him for their meet up/reunion. How do I stay the good, supportive wife in this situation?
Part of me says just to suck it up and be there for DH, but the other part of me is being selfish and I dont want to have anything to do with Joe. Joe is a very manipulative kind of person, he blames everything on everyone, he is a negative person (always put DH down), and he is just arrogant. Plus, he doesnt LIKE me, so why would I want to be around him? (I know that sounds selfish, but its not fair for DH to put me in that type situation either)
*sigh* Any advice?
Re: How to stay supportive?
While we know this isn't the case, I would agree to give Joe one chance. "Maybe he's changed."
I'd tell him you'll go, but if Joe is rude to you, you're leaving, and you will NOT spend any more time w/ him after that.
In order for you to be a "supportive wife" doesn't mean you need to be treated poorly, and I'd be asking him where HIS support of you is if Joe does in fact treat you poorly. What will your DH do then?
And seriously- I would push your DH on this. he knows how you feel- what will he do if Joe still expresses his dislike of you?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This. I don't think EastCoast could have worded it any better.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
thanks, I was thinking the exact same thing. I will give him another chance, for DH sake, but if he treats me like crap I wont be doing it again. Although my only fear is Joe will be all "nice" to win DH back .... oh well.... we will see.
ALSO, I was informed we will be going to Joe's house for dinner ... not HIM coming to us or meeting us somewhere .... joy!
thanks ladies!
Even if it's fake, if from here on out, Joe is nice to you - then so be it.
But the MOMENT the "real" Joe comes out, your DH needs to back YOU.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Take 2 cars....or make sure you have the car keys!
I think you should be supportive of him on this one. You said this guy likes to talk crap about you, and he will have plenty of ammo if you refuse to stand with your hubby on this issue. And frankly, in this case he may not be too far off the mark...your hubby really wants you to go with him and he needs your support. And you said yourself that you don't want to go for selfish reasons.
That said, what PPs have said about going in with an action plan in place is good advice to take. Does DH agree with you that Joe has been unneccessarily rude and two-faced to you in the past? If so, you guys need to sit down and go over what you and he will do if such business starts happening again (at this dinner or at ANY time in the future). It sounds like Joe has come round to wanting to make a relationship work again, so now is the perfect time for your DH to nip any possibility of this crappy behavior in the bud. If he starts allowing it again, then Joe will keep doing it until it either causes problems in your marriage or escalates to another falling out.