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xmas advice
so it's that time of year again, and most people would say I'm a scrooge. But seriously, my husband and I just don't like getting gifts. we'd rather just celebrate with our families and enjoy each other's company and give gifts to the kids under 18. However, all of my family loves giving gifts and if you say we don't want anything, you don't have to buy anything for us this year, they think i'm being a ***. It was hard enough to talk them down to one couple's gift from each set of parents (both of our parents are divorced and remarried). But that's not the issue right now.
I'm trying to get out of exchanging gifts with my brother and his girlfriend. Frankly, we just don't like them or associate with them. Really the only time we spend with them is when we're forced to be around them on the holidays for the sake of our parents (oh, btw did I mention we have to do 5 christmas's every year!!!! it's enough to drive us insane. and 3 of them are with my brother and his family). Yep, I've already tried the talking to him, trying to say that we're too old now and there's nothing we want. And I've already done the round-about way of complaining to my mom that they just dont have the money to buy us gifts since they have two kids and one on the way and my brother is the only one working, and only part time as it is. She's a blabber so I knew it would get back to him. But she's backing him up saying that at least he's trying this year and he's already bought gifts for his family and he has the extra money because he cashed in some of his vacation time... so that backfired. I'm at my limit of tolerance because he still plans on getting us a gift. My husband says let him, we gave him fair warning that we weren't exchanging gifts and if they don't get anything in return on xmas they'll get the message. I'm contemplating just sending a really blunt email stating that we just won't open anything they get for us and they'll have to keep it for themselves... i don't want to start dramatics, but he's not getting the point.
Re: xmas advice
Not liking them is a different reason for not buying them gifts rather than not wanting to buy ANY christmas gifts. And no one can force you to do anything, especially to go to 5 different christmas a year. No is a sentence, you need to grow a backbone and learn to use it.
I agree w/ your DH - don't buy them anything. Just don't. You TOLD them "we're not going gifts". now, follow it up w/ action. If you do it this year, they'll get the message that you aren't going to do gifts.
Here's the thing - this is YOUR decision. You can't force others to follow. Even knowing you won't give gifts, they still might give you a gift next year, and the year after, etc. That is THEIR decision.
Do what works for you and stop falling into the trap of thinking that because someone gives you something, you HAVE to reciprocate. You don't.
And as far as 5 x-mas's, 3 w/ your brother alone - why? Why do you do it?
You're an adult, you have a choice. Stand up and do what WORKS FOR YOU. If that means no gifts, then no gifts. If that means 3 instead of 5 Christmas's then do it. (I also REALLY don't get how you can say you don't like your brother but yet you celebrate the same holiday w/ them 3 times over....???)
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
GO AWAY!
K-that sounds rude haha. If your husband feels the same way go rent a cabin somewhere or take a cheap trip to vegas just the two of you. I've spent between $1500 and $2000 on xmas gifts and we just can't do it this year. May as well take that money and go do something that makes you happy.
No money? Then TELL your family you rented a cabin and lock the doors! Have a romantic turkey dinner by yourselves. Some say it's harsh-but it's better than getting in a big fight over xmas dinner with the family, they're obviously not listening to you.
That's what I'm doing next year, JUST have to convince my husband.
Best of luck
it's what we're doing next year too. And as for 5 xmas's, here's the story.
1 with H's mom and stepfather,
1 with H's dad and stepmom
1 with my mom, brother, brother's gf, and brother's youngest son,
1 with my mom, brother, brother's oldest son, my dad, and my stepmom,
1 with my dad, my stepmom, brother, brother's gf, and their youngest son...
my brother's oldest son is by a different woman, and there were some legal issues where this other woman claimed his current gf abused my brother's oldest son... so there's a restraining order where my brother's gf cannot be around his oldest son... it makes things really complicated around the holiday times...