How to address sensitive topic with mom

annabelle.27

One of my sisters is 10 years old. When she was born, she had a very severe tongue tie (went up and over the front of her tongue). The doctors told her to have it snipped but she refused. By the time my sister was 4, it was clear that it was effecting her speech. A speech therapist told my mom that when it was snipped my sister would speak clearly.

However, after it was snippied, it became apparent that my sister had never learned to use her tongue and it kind of rolled around in her mouth. My mom left it for a couple years, thinking her speech would improve with time, but it didn't. In grade 1 or 2 the school arranged speech therapy for my sister, but my mom was "too busy" to do the homework with my sister so she never made much progress. They ended up dropping her from therapy, and her speech has never improved.

She's 10 now. She is teased for her speech. She used to be very popular but now has few friends, I'm thinking because they can't understand her. I admit that I have a difficult time understanding her and sometimes don't even try to decipher her speech because it's so much effort (horrible, I know).

My sister was just given a speaking part in the school's Christmas play (most kids were) and her classmates harassed her for "messing up" the play by not being understandable. My poor sister had "a major meltdown" about the teasing at home that night. I saw the play, and so my mom has asked me to reassure my sister that she was clear and understandable and didn't ruin anything.

Although I dont think she ruined the play by any stretch of the imagination, I don't want to tell my sister she was clear when she was not. I want to tell my mom to get her butt back into speech therapy. This is only going to become harder as time goes on, but I don't think my mom realizes that it's as bad as it is (I think she's so used to hearing her that she doesn't realize most other people think she's incomprehensible). I think my mom will get quite defensive about this if I tell her what I think, but it needs to be said. How can I address this well? Tact has never been my strong suit, I'm more like my dad, fairly blunt. I don't know how to dress things up well...

Sawyerplus1

Yikes! I think this situation definitely needs to be addressed. And perhaps being blunt would be most effective. Quite honestly I dont understand why your mom would be so resistant to speech therapy for your sister, other than maybe being in denial that her daughter is "different", and frankly it's unfair to your sister. At this point I'd say it doesn't matter if your mom gets defensive; you should just bring it up and tell her to deal with it. If she's still resistant, would it be at all possible for you to initiate the process with speech therapy and/or agree to take your sister to and from? Maybe that's not realistic for you, but I would just be so concerned for my sisters well being at this point that I'd take it into my own hands if need be. Like you said, it's only going to get harder. Good luck. 

jmkirste

ITA with the PP - it's only going to get harder for your sister as she gets older.  Eventually it will affect her ability to go to university/get a good job - oral communication is exceptionally important. 

 I'd bite the bullet and tell mom like it is.  Have a few sentences prepared though so that you don't get derailed if/when she gets mad and you still get your point across.  It's not fair to your sister to not have this addressed properly.  

 GL!

rosesforme

I agree that something needs to be said. It's not fair to your sister to have to struggle with this when there is help. Similarly last year when I did a speech referral for a student in my class and talked to the parents the dad said "you mean that isn't cute". I just smiled and shrugged. Sometimes parents are blind to issues and it seems like your mom might be doing that with your sister. If I were you I would try and write something out so you have a "script" of what to say to your mom even if you don't have it with you at the time. If you talk about it in reference to the play it might help.

onetier

Maybe I'm out of line here..but what the hell is wrong with your mother???

How about you remind her that she needs to do everything she can to make her children the best they can be.

I would sit her down and tell her to stop being in denial.  There's no tip toeing around the situation.  This clearly has gone on long enough.  If anything (god forbid) happens to your sister because she goes into depression because of how she is treated at school, how will your mom feel then?  Maybe it's time someone brings this up.

I feel so bad for your sister.  I hope you can open your mom's eyes to what this is doing to her.

Divallyn

I don't do well in beating around the bush. I would tell my mom bluntly that this is a serious problem and it needs to be addressed. Do you have a sibling or other family member that can you join you in the conservation? I find that it really helps to have another concerned person because then your mother can't just brush it off as "just your concerns".

Good Luck