Holidays
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Christmas Eve Dilemma
Hubby and I have been married for five months. My family lives out of state, while his lives nearby. I invited his mother (she's a widow) and his sister to our home for Christmas Eve dinner because I work on Christmas Day. Hubby just came home and asked me if it would be all right if his mom and sister stayed overnight Christmas Eve into Christmas morning. I have an 8 year-old daughter, so I knew we wouldn't be alone, but it's our first Christmas together as a family. Am I being selfish?
Re: Christmas Eve Dilemma
I don't see how you can graciously avoid this assuming his mother is nice to your DD.
If your kid gets to spend the holiday with mom, I guess your hubby does too. It would be worlds different if you were the sort of newlyweds who didn't have that readymade family thing going on.
I agree with 'the more the merrier'.
As a parent, the years that we don't share Christmas morning with our grown children, aren't nearly as special as the ones where we wake up and open our gifts together. And as a grandparent, seeing the joy of the holiday through the eyes of a child is a gift.
It is very special for us to have all of the generations together, and the years that we have the kids and grandkids, we are also with my mother and siblings and their grown children to open presents. My sister and her kids do their own thing on Christmas morning, but she was a party pooper as kid too.
Somehow I'm thinking it has nothing to do with driving home late. It's not like any other normal day, it's Christmas for goodness sakes. Christmas to me is all about family. The MIL is a widow so the holidays are probably a sad time for both her and the SIL (not having her dad anymore). IDK, I would assume it has more to do with them wanting to be around other family on Christmas.
So what's the real harm in letting them stay over? You have a lifetime of Christmas mornings to spend with your H and daughter, giving up one doesn't seem like the end of the world, even if it's the first one. Think of how you may be making two other people's Christmas a little happier than it would otherwise be.
I'm a more the merrier person too. Last year was our first "real" Christmas w/ DS. The tradition now is that WE go stay at my parents house on X-mas Eve and wake up there and do Christmas day w/ them.
Right now they live about 25 mins away. By Christmas this year, they'll literally be 10 mins once we move next week.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'd let them stay - when I was a kid the best Christmases were the ones with more of our family members there. My parents both come from really big families, so my sisters and I always felt the most special when we got a grandparent/set of grandparents to spend Christmas with. Plus it doesn't hurt that we lived a couple doors down from one of my mom's sisters and her family, and we would ALWAYS go over there or have them over to our home after we had opened our presents. It was like having a second Christmas!
But I know what you're saying too, about wanting to spend Christmas alone. When we were engaged, we spent Christmas with our families. Since then, though, we've moved away and have spent Christmas alone together. Let me tell you, it's not nearly as fun. It's nice, but after the first hour or so we were both pretty bummed out to be away from everybody. New Year's however, that's a great holiday to have just to the two (or three) of you!
Let them stay! I totally agree that Christmas morning is more fun with more people. The present-opening lasts longer, for one thing! Also, maybe your Mom or SIL would want to pitch in on the Xmas breakfast or brunch, so things may be easier for you.
And if the "better for you" argument doesn't win you over, consider how you might feel if YOU were the widow getting booted out late Christmas Eve. You have the opportunity to change someone's day from outright depressing to joyous and fun with very little effort on your part...definitely worth doing any time of the year, but especially at Christmas.
Your feelings are completely normal. I would be sure that this is really, truly what you want for the long term, looks like this year is pretty set, as I can't say I would want my MIL spending the night with us for the holidays, and I like her. For me, that time is about our family and the traditions we want to start. I'm assuming that's the reason your BIL "put his foot down" about that one as well.
You're not a horrible person for missing your family at Christmas. How about alternating years and spending it with your family next year? That seems only fair.
I don't see anything wrong with MIL and SIL staying as long as they don't expect it to become an annual tradition. Especially if your family did come to visit & needed the place to stay. I mean, a hotel shouldn't be an option if you have the room for them. MIL/SIL can go home at night. :-)
If it were me, I think I would be unhappy with this request. We don't have any kids but to me CHristmas morning is just for the family that lives in the house. Be it husband and wife or child if they are involved.
I wouldn't want to open gifts from DH with MIL and SIL sitting there watching, especially if there was nothing for them.
I really don't believe in the "more the merrier" train of thought that some people have.
You are going to be working on Christmas - - it's reasonable to expect SOME down time between hosting dinner and working, Plus, it's nice to have "family time," that is just you and dh. If they lived far away and were afrid to drive, I'd understand. But that's not the case. In addition to everything else, you're supposed to host overnight guests? They are imposing.
Quite fankly, between being in charge of a child's Christmas AND working, I think you're more than generous in hosting on Christmas eve!
I also believe you need to set a precedent (sp?) for next year - - if you allow it this year, why not in the future? Of course everybody wants to be be around for "Baby's first Christmas," but they don't have a right to be there.
Tell your H to get back to his mom and sis and tell them it won't work for you.