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Need to vent somewhere...
about one of my FB friends. And, since I know I won't be able to keep my responses civil, I'm venting here rather than on FB.
One of my FB friends "Andy" wrote this as his status update:
"So this morning after work a guy standing outside a grocery store begged me for change so he could go in and buy something to eat. I went in, got an application, walked out and gave it to him. "Go make your own change," I said. "Go f*ck yourself," he replied. Who was more self-righteous?"
Ugh. What a douche. I really, really wanted to post something about that but decided to stay out of it. Even when he rec'd a bunch of "likes" and people saying, "Good job!" and "Way to go!" Finally, my DH responded (in a very nice, civil way) basically saying that solving the homeless problem isn't quite as simple as just telling them to "Get a job" and that many homeless are mentally ill, have substance abuse problems, etc.
THere was some back and forth between the two and they managed to keep it very civil. Finally Andy responded w/his sad sack story of how he was kicked out of his home at 17, fought tooth and nail to stay in school and pay rent, blah blah blah. Well, I knew Andy in high school. I loved him ( we were like brother and sister) but he could be a real asshat to his stepmom and when he couldn't stop being such a stubborn little diva he finally stormed out of their comfortable home in the suburbs. He moved in w/some mutual friends in a very nice condo in an even nicer suburban town. He and another friend shared a room (w/her paying the bulk of the rent as a favor to him) so that he paid very little in rent. He finally stormed out of there too b/c he, again, was kind of a d!ck. Anyway, for him to rewrite his history as though he was some poor runaway living on the streets is RIDICULOUS and I'm doing all I can not to post that --mostly b/c I know I won't be able to be nice about it.
Anyway, I'm sorry I turned this into a novel. I'm just so annoyed by his self-righteous, self-justifying B.S. that I'm seriously thinking about defriending him. Sometimes FB can kinda suck...
Re: Need to vent somewhere...
Gross. I would hide him for sure. As an antidote to his ickiness, check this out: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101215/ap_on_re_us/us_secret_santa
I'd be pissed off too! If you do decide to say something, you might as well make a response about the truth first.
Also, it sounds like he hasn't changed much.
Ooohh...you are a better person than I...I'm not sure I'd have been able to keep my mouth shut, and certainly would not have been able to keep it civil. Props to your DH for making some good points and being civil about it. "Alex" sounds like my inlaws...which makes it very very difficult to talk about my job.
100% of my clients have a mental illness - a requirement to be eligible for my project's legal services. I'd say 50% are homeless another 25% are minimally housed (shelters, single room Occupancy, couches, etc.) and maybe the other 25% are in stable housing (mainly due to a housing subsidy or family).
Many, not all, people who are begging for money cannot work due to a mental disability, no amount of medication or therapy would make it possible for them to hold down a job, nor would someone want to work with them. Most get federal benefits (and part of my job is to fight Social Security in court to get people on federal disability benefits or keep SS from terminating their benefits b/c SS erroneously thinks a person's disability has improved and they can now work) - those benefits are squat.
Currently the maximum amount a person can get on SSI (supplemental Security Income - SS benefit for people who don't have enough of a work history to be eligible for benefits they paid into) in California is $845. Imagine living in the bay area on just $845? Rent, utilities, monthly bus pass to get to doctors, food, clothing. After rent and utilities, most of my clients have less than $100 for food and such for an entire month - so it is no surprise that they are asking for money/food..
I personally don't give money b/c a lot of people also have substance abuse problems and I don't want the money being spent on alcohol. I keep bars in my car and will give them out to the folks at the freeway entrances and when someone is near a store or eatery, I will gladly go in and buy a sandwich or something...and occasionally I'm turned down, but most people are grateful for the food. I work in downtown san jose and there are a lot of homeless near my office and the starbucks I stop at - I would say 1-2/week I buy a few cups of coffee for the homeless folks hanging outside asking for change.
Anyways...sorry I just went off a bit....but your friend sounds a little douchey about this and it would totally irk me that he's exaggerating his experiences.
This absolutely goes for me, too. I totally would have called him out on his lies.
Sol -
You rock as a human. I love your humor, and I love your values. I love that this upset you. (That sounds weird, I don't love that you were upset...oh never mind.) Anyway, You're totally spot on. Sometimes it's nice when you can't vent where you want to, just to hear YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT, SISTA FRIEND!!!
OMG, legaleagles, would you please, PLEASE friend him just so you can "go off" on him in the well-informed, well-spoken way you just did??? I mean, you pretty much said a lot of what I was thinking but better. If he didn't live in another state I would seriously smack him upside the head.
The thing is that I don't think he would even consider his exagerration of the past as lying. I think he has honestly blown up his story (and his "victimhood") so much in his own mind that it's kind of become true to him. He's the Hero of a Sad Past now. And I will say that he did work incredibly hard and achieving all he has is commendable. But to reduce the entire "homeless problem" by implying that all it takes is a little hard work and determination to succeed is... delusional at best. {sigh} And I don't know that there's anything I could say to make him or his friends see that. So I vent here to you guys b/c I just need to know that there were still some reasonable human beings out there. Thanks, guys.
Ahw, this totally made me cry!!!
And I agree with the OP. What a douche!
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice
I loooove that article! Thank you so much for sharing -it's the perfect antidote to FB grossness. I'm going to post it on my page today.
That's what I was thinking that the story has probably mutated in his head. My somewhat crazy parents often "change the past" to my extreme frustration, but when DH explained to me that is the way they actually remember it, that made it easier to ignore.
He would probably just say you are wrong about his past and YOU remember it wrong. Hard to argue with that warped logic.
It's also hard for a homeless person to fill out an application without an address or phone #. You don't see the "together" homeless begging on the street, you only see the mentally ill and addicts generally.
Tea Time for Lulu