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Need advice. (Warning: debbie downer post)
So, my last remaining grandparent is on the decline. He has been for about a year now. He's been hospitalized 3 times in the last month alone and was back there today with a final diagnosis of this just plain being the end. He has congestive heart failure and they put him on meds today just to keep him comfortable. I think he's back at home tonight, but we know it won't be long now.
IF he makes it to Christmas weekend, we have a big gathering planned, and family coming from all over to be there. We're all kind of estranged right now because of some issues, but we're sucking it up for Grandpa.
Here's the question: I want to get Grandpa something, a gift. I usually do for holidays/birthdays, but they're not too elaborate; maybe a framed photo of the great-grandkids - stuff like that. What the heck do I get him now? I want it to be meaningful, but practical. This isn't going to be an easy Christmas for our family, but we're putting on our happy faces and I want it to be memorable for Grandpa. What the H does one buy for someone who doesn't have much time left????
Re: Need advice. (Warning: debbie downer post)
Honestly, I think just everyone gathering together to be with him will be gift enough. And/or a nice handwritten thoughtful note expressing how much he means to you/the family (or something along those lines). Photos might still be nice--he can look at them and enjoy being surrounded by pictures of his family, even after everyone has gone home after the holidays.... Maybe a little family photo collage with handwritten notes surrounding it??? "We love you Grandpa!" and things like that?
The only other thing I can think of is either a donation to some cause/organization that is meaningful to him?? I think this would only make sense if there was a really obvious cause that he'd been involved in--not just any charity donation would do.
Or, and this seems kind of flippant, but.. if he still enjoys food, some gift of one of his favorite food treats might be nice. He might as well enjoy some of his favorite things in his remaining days! And food would be something that he could actually consume and enjoy in the here and now. (Assuming, of course, that he's actually still enjoying food... often that isn't the case in these situations).
I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa's failing health. It is always so hard, but I hope that your family finds comfort in coming together to support him and celebrate his life!
I hope this doesn't sound bad, but I wouldn't "buy" anything. When my mother in law was at the end and we knew she didn't have much time left, we knew that all she wanted was time with us. So we would go visit her, bring her sweets (she LOVED chocolate), sit and chat, have coffee. Basically, whatever it was that we enjoyed, we tried to do for her. At that point, we knew it didn't matter if she had doughnuts everyday for breakfast, and pie for dinner. It made her happy. Even as she took her last breath, we were playing "Country Roads" by John Denver in her hospital room. She loved John Denver.
If he likes movies, watch movies with him. If he likes crossoword puzzles, do puzzles with him. If he likes music, bring a CD of some of his favorite type of music, and just be there.
The way I see it, he isn't going to be able to take any "item" with him.....but if you can make the last days of his life happy by being there for him, that would be better than anything you can purchase.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, it is such a hard thing.
You and your family will be in my thoughts.
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I agree with this...We just went through the exact same thing with DH's grandpa about a month ago even had Congestive Heart Failure...it didn't take long, he was fine, coherent, and alert early in the day it happened, and then the next thing he was just gone. I don't know that I'd go very elaborate just spend time with him so he doesn't have to pass alone.
Agreed - don't buy him anything. When my grandfather passed away from cancer, we decided to all get together at my families' cabins (yes, multiple possessive- see yesterday's vent. *grin* There are 4 houses and all on the same road) and had a big party. We made his favorite foods, looked at old slides of his early life with my Grandma and basically just spent time with him. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. It was a magical weekend and I really treasure the time I got to spend with him before he was too sick to remember it.
Also - as tough as it is to do, I really really encourage people to take the opportunity to say, out loud, that you love them and tell them how much they mean to you. So many lives are tragically lost and so much gets left unsaid. It is such a gift to be able to know that you said it all and that they were able to hear it.
So sorry to hear this H.
*hugs*
Just wanted to say that I am sorry and commend you for taking the opportunity to do something sweet for him.
This is a reminder for us all that Christmas is about spending time with the people that matter and making them feel loved.
I agree with PPs that spending time with him and bringing things that he enjoys would probably be the most meaningful to him. I remember one Christmas a few months before my grandpa passed away from cancer and we all got together at my grandparents house that year. It was nice just to have the family together since we live all over the country.
Sorry you are going through this, lots of hugs!
I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa.
I would write him a long letter, telling him about the memories you have with him and how much you love him.